Your precis is not good. The first step is to understand the passage and you havent understood it. In your first line, you say Greece defeated Persia when the passage says Persia defeated Greece.

The next step is to produce the precis which you cannot do correctly until you have understood the meaning of the passage. In addition to that, there are too many grammatical mistakes.

You should work on grammar. The best advice I can give you is read English story books. You will feel the difference in a few months. This method may be too late for CSS though.

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