Quote:
Originally Posted by saniam
Topic Statement: Global Warming is the greatest threat to the planet Earth due to man's activities, however it is not a lost cause unless and until desperate measures are taken to prevent it.
Outline:
1. Introduction
2. Global Warming
2.1. Threats
a. GHG
b. Ozone layer depletion
c. Acid rain, smog etc
c. Snowcaps melting and floods
d. Destruction of natural habitats
e. Ecosystem anamolies (coral reefs)
(Cant remember rest, there were 7-8 points total)
2.2. Causes
a. Carbon emissions
b. Pollution (wrote 3 paras on each type)
c. Environmental Hazards
(Completely forgot to mention deforestation)
3. Counter Measures taken by the World
3.1. Kyoto Protocol
3.2. Montreal Protocol
3.3. Paris Accord
3.4. Global Awareness Campaigns
3.5. David Attenborough famous documentaries
4. Measures Required
4.1. Action based strategies
4.2. Immediate policy implementations on Environment Protection
4.3. Participation of all stakeholders
5. Pakistan (among top 10 countries influenced by Global Warming and Climate change)
6. Conclusion
I also mentioned that ozone layer is repairing itself as evident through latest research, however it should not be considered a sign of victory - humanity is a long way from saving the planet earth from Global Warming. I could not remember a single quote or reference, so I wrote none. My essay was almost 2000-2100 words, I could not write more than that, as I was worried that conclusion might be left out if I prolonged the essay to increase word count.
Please share your comments and pointers, I dont have any space for improvement as it was my final attempt. Nonetheless, feedback is welcomed. Also share your essay outline or general ideas.
|
I would highlight your mistakes in your essay.
First of all your topic statement is vogue. As you have written, Global Warming is the greatest threat to the planet Earth due to man's activities
you could have avoided using the superlative degree, greatest. Instead, you could write great threat. In addition, in your next sentence, you have written that men are responsible for that. It means men are the cause of the global warming. However, not only humans, but there are natural causes of global warming as well. Besides, you could write human beings or anything instead of men.
So that was about your topic statement. Now coming to your outline.
your headings are not self-explanatory. Threats that you have mentioned in subheadings are fine. In the next main heading, you have written causes. The essay does not demand to write causes, and you have overemphasized on causes. Moreover, you have written 2,3 paras on each cause.That is totally irrelevant. Even though if you wanted to write causes, you were supposed to write them before threats. As you FPSC demands that, all points should be written in an orderly fashion. First threats then causes, is not correct order. Now coming to the last part. A major part of the essay that is to write measures to counter it. The measures that you have given are inadequate, you could have added more subheadings in the recommendation part.
Overall, the essay is fine.Best wishes God bless you