View Single Post
  #6  
Old Tuesday, March 13, 2018
saniam saniam is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Wasteland
Posts: 169
Thanks: 105
Thanked 86 Times in 64 Posts
saniam is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by saddam hassain View Post
I would highlight your mistakes in your essay.
First of all your topic statement is vogue. As you have written, Global Warming is the greatest threat to the planet Earth due to man's activities
you could have avoided using the superlative degree, greatest. Instead, you could write great threat. In addition, in your next sentence, you have written that men are responsible for that. It means men are the cause of the global warming. However, not only humans, but there are natural causes of global warming as well. Besides, you could write human beings or anything instead of men.
So that was about your topic statement. Now coming to your outline.
your headings are not self-explanatory. Threats that you have mentioned in subheadings are fine. In the next main heading, you have written causes. The essay does not demand to write causes, and you have overemphasized on causes. Moreover, you have written 2,3 paras on each cause.That is totally irrelevant. Even though if you wanted to write causes, you were supposed to write them before threats. As you FPSC demands that, all points should be written in an orderly fashion. First threats then causes, is not correct order. Now coming to the last part. A major part of the essay that is to write measures to counter it. The measures that you have given are inadequate, you could have added more subheadings in the recommendation part.
Overall, the essay is fine.Best wishes God bless you
Agreed with few of your points, I can see that I made a mistake of using word 'greatest'. Anyhow, moving on.. i wrote a paragraph on each pollution type i.e., air, water and land. Thanks for comments, I was skeptical of my essay already but now I can see blunders made by me.

P.S: It was unnecessary to send me two emails of same response that you gave on forum.
Reply With Quote