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Old Monday, July 01, 2019
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Originally Posted by aishalam View Post
Very well handled but I'll point out a few things. 2 d. Should be fear of losing close/dear ones or you could term it as fear of being ostracised. You can combine 2 g. and h. to instead be fear of seeming incompetent. I would like to add a few other fears such as a fear of looking like a fool/being laughed at/made fun of, fear of conflict/confrontation, fear of rejection, fear of bearing financial losses(this one is similar to losing opportunity but opportunities are in the future, financial losses are borne today. It can be further explained as a fear of not having enough money to pay for food/rent etc.) Similar to the fear of taking risks there is also the fear of the unknown.

Instead of oneself simply use one in the title of 3. Also wherever there is dream add the s since it is dreams in the main title and we should stick as close to the original wordings as possible to reinforce the idea.

I would also like to propose some other portions to the essay such as inspiring examples of Individuals who overcame their fears and are living their dreams (here include examples such as famous writers like Stephan King whose first story was rejected 30 times, or athletes, stars, politicians, tech moguls anyone whose story isnpires you personally. People overcome unbelievable odds to stand where they are today and we shouldn't only see their achievements but also acknowledge the fears and obstacles they overcame-the chances they took.)

Also a philosophical tinge could be given to the essay as well if you want by including a small portion on WHY is it important that we learn to overcome our fears and live our dreams. Add points to this such as the wasted potential, personal satisfaction/living to the fullest, if we don't follow our dreams or stand for a cause are we really alive? (Everybody dies but not everybody lives- Prince Ea I highly recommend his video. You can find it on youtube. Its short 5 minutes but very inspiring.)

Overall I think you've done a great job and covered the basic points very well. I hope you find my input helpful.
Thanks, such a detailed input is appreciated.
I could not add much points bcz you know well that essay is to be done in 3 hrs. Therefore, i considered that view and made time-relative outline.
Plus, "why" part really seemed necessity.
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