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Old Friday, September 13, 2019
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darwaesh View Post
"HIGHEST RESULT OF EDUCATION IS TOLERANCE"

I. Introduction
II. How knowledge promotes tolerance in a society?
A. It provides awareness about;
a. Future consequences
of actions, and
b. dangers of intolerance.
B. It gives meaning and purpose
to life through;
a. philosophy,
b. art, and
c. literature.
i. Keats
ii. Shelley
iii. Shah A.
Latif Bhitai
C. It makes a man;
a. Decent,
b. Sensible, and
c. Civilised
D. It promotes;
a. Peace,
b. Justice,
c. Equality, and
d. Brotherhood.
E. It unifies humanity as it
generates ideas in mind
against discrimination on the
basis of;
a. Caste,
b. Creed,
c. Religion, and
d. Race.
F. History teaches as to advocate
Peace with such examples of;
a. The Trojan war,
b. The crusades,
c. Intolerance of religious
demagogues during the
Dark Ages,
d. Sectarianism and
downfall of Islam, and
e. The Darfur issue.
G. Psychology advocates
tolerance as it helps man to
understand;
a. Human behavior, and
b. The psychological
issues or diseases.
H. The knowledge of gender
studies provides insight about;
a. Tolerance to empower
woman, and
b. Encourage gender
equality and discourage
gender based violence.
I. Inventions and discoveries help
in raising human tolerance level;
a. Health sciences
reduced,
i. Diseases,
ii. Infant
mortality rate
iii. Vis a vis
improved
human health
b. Engineering Sciences;
i. Transport,
ii.Communication
c. Information and technology
i. Media, and
ii. Connectedness.
III) Conclusion.


It is a common trend around the globe that people spend couple of decades in educational institutions. Many of them do not know the real essence of education. Knowledge remains useless information unless it is followed by one and applied properly to one's life. The highest result of education is tolerance as the quality of tolerance is acquired only by those who are educated in a true sense. Highly educated people are they who are possess the quality of tolerance. Today, people or nations which are developed, not only because they have worked hard but also because they have the quality to tolerate issues and problems and they kept moving on with all the problems in their past life. A disaster like the US attacked Hiroshima and Nagasaki with atomic bombs was an intolerable event for the subsequent generations, but even then the upcoming generations raised their level of tolerance with the help of education. Resultantly, Japan, a small nation of few islands have become the economic giant of the twenty first century.

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Hello! First of all the general structure of the essay is pretty good since you have given all of your focus to one part of the topic and stuck with it. The outline could have been lent some more completeness by adding very small portions on what the other results of education are besides tolerance (since the topic seems to imply that there are more results but tolerance is the "highest"), why is tolerance important for peaceful and prosperous societies, and how can we make our education system more conducive for tolerance and empathy building. These sections would be very very short with only a few (or no) sub-points and could come just before the conclusion so that the examiner sees that you understand the topic from all angles not just the HOW, but also the WHY.

Let's get to the individual arguments;
II. How knowledge promotes tolerance in a society?
A. It provides awareness about;
Very solid point. Could be elaborated a bit more. Education also raises awareness about how other people/cultures live, how political narratives are formulated to create misleading us-them scenerios, the legal rights and duties that are due onto us etc etc. These are additional sub-points. The ones you have are also very good.
a. Future consequences
of actions, and
b. dangers of intolerance.
B. It gives meaning and purpose
to life through;
Good point but philosophy is a little shaky to include here since historically the only thing philosophy has been good for is creating a good deal of disharmony and prejudice, but art and literature are excellent by-products of a well-rounded education that can promote tolerance.
a. philosophy,
b. art, and
c. literature.
i. Keats
ii. Shelley
iii. Shah A.
Latif Bhitai
C. It makes a man;
Okay point. Rather than it use "education". I know these characteristics make one more inclined towards tolerance but make that explicit link in the wording of the arguments.
a. Decent,
b. Sensible, and
c. Civilised
D. It promotes;
This seems a bit irrelevant since some of these are either by-products of tolerance or are unrelated. They also do not explain HOW education promotes tolerance.
a. Peace,
b. Justice,
c. Equality, and
d. Brotherhood.
E. It unifies humanity as it
generates ideas in mind
against discrimination on the
basis of;
HOW does education generate those ideas? That is the point you are trying to make through these arguments and you are not linking back to it very well. through coming into direct contact with school mates from different backgrounds and also through learning and reading about how other people live.
a. Caste,
b. Creed,
c. Religion, and
d. Race.
F. History teaches as to advocate
Peace with such examples of;
Good point also Trojan war is not a historical event. It could well have been made up.
a. The Trojan war,
b. The crusades,
c. Intolerance of religious
demagogues during the
Dark Ages,
d. Sectarianism and
downfall of Islam, and
e. The Darfur issue.
G. Psychology advocates
tolerance as it helps man to
understand;
add "studying psychology..." so that the reference to education becomes clearer also very good point.
a. Human behavior, and
b. The psychological
issues or diseases.
H. The knowledge of gender
studies provides insight about;
Good point. Very specific.
a. Tolerance to empower
woman, and
b. Encourage gender
equality and discourage
gender based violence.
I. Inventions and discoveries help
in raising human tolerance level;
Good point for the speed of communication portion but for health science the link for tolerance needs to be made more clear.
a. Health sciences
reduced,
i. Diseases,
ii. Infant
mortality rate
iii. Vis a vis
improved
human health
b. Engineering Sciences;
i. Transport,
ii.Communication
c. Information and technology
i. Media, and
ii. Connectedness.


It is a common trend around the globe that people spend couple of decades in educational institutions. (good general statement to start it off) Many of them(who?Add some details now) do not know the real essence of education. Knowledge remains useless information unless it is followed by one(unclear statement. Create more vivid imagery) and applied properly to one's life. The highest result of education is tolerance as the quality of tolerance is acquired only by those who are educated in a true sense. (the second half of this sentence could be split into a second one and made more clear. Currently it is a little confusing.) Highly educated people are they(those) who are(remove are) possess the quality of tolerance. Today, people or nations which(remove which. It is redundant) are developed, not only because they have worked hard but also because they have the quality to tolerate issues and problems and they kept moving on with all the problems in their past life.(unnecessary part. Could be removed.) A disaster like the US attacked Hiroshima and Nagasaki with atomic bombs was an intolerable event for the subsequent generations, but even then the upcoming generations raised their level of tolerance with the help of education.(this is a run-on line. Split the sentence into smaller sentences to create more impact and clarity) Reluctantly, Japan, a small nation of few islands have become the economic giant of the twenty first century. (and after this? What statistics do you have that Japan employed education to have a more tolerant outlook? That is a pretty bold claim. Back it up with something. Also the paragraph just ends abruptly. Introduction paragraphs should end with a thesis statement which briefly outline in one (or two) sentences what this following essay is going to be about and what aspects it is going to cover.)



Overall a very good attempt. Keep the few pointers in mind and keep practicing so that creating thorough outlines on any topic becomes easier and you can do it faster. It is not necessarily about content, it is about making solid arguments to support whatever point you are trying to make. Those connections in your brain require training and that comes through practice. So keep at it. Hope the comments helped.
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darwaesh (Saturday, September 14, 2019)