Sehar u hv made a good attempt.
also it had a good start.
in conclusion i think that u shud not say that "As stated in the start of essay".
rest assured that u can't fall through in this essay.u would score 50 atleast.
wish u best of luck sister.
Recite a Darood Shareef at least once and now.
(RAFIQUE AHMED KHOKHAR)