ok so i am not a senior member/CSP officer but rather a novice/aspirant and i have absolutely no clue how essays are going to be marked so i can not give you a comprehensive critique, but what I can do is point out a couple of things i noted while going through it.
"Acids and explosive materials used for destruction by atomic bombs are easily available in market at cheap prices."(Remedies 1st paragraph)
What on earth! atomic bombs can be made at home?
Also there was no mention of the inadequacy of the health care system in Pakistan,
im sure it measures up to a social problem.
One final thing i'd like to add, its more of a question for our respective seniors rather then a suggestion. Should an inevetable class conflict that almost always arises as a results of an increasing social disparity be prophesiesed in the exam for a question like this on the basis of similar conditions before the first social revolution in pakistan, unless it is tackled beforehand. Or more approapriatly should one prophesies anything?