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Old Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Sabah Hunzai Sabah Hunzai is offline
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Default Democracy

@saleeq
though you have welcomed suggestions and comments from seniors, but after reading your essay, I couldn't stop myself,

your essay is well thought and well managed.

but!!! while reading it i came to certain gray areas, which I am sharing here.
please make sure, i have read it from my own perspective, I may be wrong.

at the begining of your essay and in certain parts, its seem you are writing on the problems of pakistan not on democracy, because ideas related to democracy were indirectly incorporated.

In my view, it would be sound to analyse the credentials of democracy frist, then given different cases why they failed in pakistan. e.g. the crises over constitutional development, whether to form a parliamentary form of democracy or presedential form,....etc.

secondly, in some areas you have used slang language or not appropriate use of phrases. e.g. you have used 'chunk' for both group of educated people and for resources. I think you can use appropriate words.

thirdly, you have collected excellent facts, but your own intellectual power is of great importance for assessor. particularly your vision regarding democracy should be vivid and powerful to convince the assessor.

last but not the least, I apologize for what i have written here, because, i am not an expert and i have not written a single essay yet. but....after some days i will share my writeups for you critical bombardments.

keep going
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