your expression is mashallah good, but leme tell u few imp things, that ll be helpful for you.
Your outline is superb but too long, try to make it a lil precise so that you do not explain every idea in just outline, keep something for detail and body
Quote:
Extremism is a critical problem faced by Pakistani society today, leading to social, economic, cultural, political turmoil and humanitarian crises, it has nurtured due to internal and external factors, internal being the prevalence of social injustice, inequality, illiteracy and exploitation in the society and external factors being the involvement of Pakistan in the regional and international power game and proxy wars.
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Your intro para is extremely beautiful arranged with healthy phrasals and verbosity, i would recommend u not to make such a long sentence in the very start, so that u may not incur any punctuation or structural mistakes cz in the very start impression is much important to keep the examiner's look at ur essay Intact....
Be justified both the break-ups of the topic talibanization and extremism, u discussed more of extremism, what Kawish said and explicit approach should also have been their to make it an overview essay rather one-sided
Comments: You're good at ur expression,tenses,vocab,phrases,idiomatic expressions and you need very little practice to be among the smiling faces....thanx