its surgery time
mistakes:
1) heap of vocabulary
2) Unable to grab and explain the meaning and basic theme of quotation
3) It seems that it is an essay written about strength
4) Then it seems like it is an essay about how people achieved greatness
5) ideas are not in a rhythm
6) repetition of points
7) No need of phrases
8) examples quoted are not relevant
you should adopt the following pattern :
1) Meaning ( just simplify the quotation and give its meaning in simple words)
2) Explanation ( explain the quotation )
3) Give relevant examples
4) conclusion
write again.
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Shabdon mein kya tareef karoon aap ki MUSSAA
Aap shabdon mein kahan bandh payenge.
Kabhi mere aankhon mein jhaank kar dekho,
Hazaron alfaz khud-b-khud bikhar jayenge.
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