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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chulbullpandey
Please criticise.
VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE.
One of the most essential component(s) of life is variety.(don't put the example just after the topic sentence.write some sentences so as to support your thesis sentence and then ur examples) The variety of opinions, variety of experiences and the variety of lifestyle(Sir, rewrite it as: the variety of opinions, experiences, and life style) made the development of our(it is suggested not to use ours here.write:islamic civilization.) civilization possible. Had there been no variety in life, our(muslims') lives would have been monotonous: filled with boredom.
(sir write this sentence in the first para because the very sentence is concluding ur first pra)Variety, therefore, is an indispensible part of life. Journey of our civilization from caveman to modern day human became possible only because of variety. For example, Thomous Edison invented electric bulb. Though it was a marvellous invention, scientists however were not satisfied with it(is this contribution of our civilization.indeed, it is of westerners'). Hence, they made amendments in its shape and functions. Consequently, they developed more sophisticated forms of electric bulbs today we(sir try to use third person as per rule.) have. Further, it is because of variety that Will Durant,a passionate philosopher, preferred to be a philosopher, while John Keats loved composing poetry. This clearly illustrates the importance of variety in life.
As such, the world would have experienced a standstill in the absence of variety. Growth and development of human culture and society would have been impossible. There would have been no joy, no colour to life,(life would have been devoid of colours and happinesses) had there been no variety in life. Thus, it becomes evident(it becomes clear) that variety makes the life interesting and worth living.
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dear, there were several flaws.i have pursued the piece of writing.apart from highlighted mistakes,there were many other violation of rules in the expansion.
-the example of civilization is overstated.
-the paragraphs are not organized properly.
-Again, overuse of transisional words.esp, in last para.
sir i don't have net facility therefore i could not check ur expansion so often.
-sir u can sms me ur expansions at my number 03*********. u can send me ur writings during 9-10pm.
t.c panday