Some weak points I gathered are
1. Write the statement copied below on 3rd or fourth place..
The essentials of good governance are:
• It ensures the participation of both men and women in every sector of life.
2. You Have discussed Pakistan a lot..Kindly add examples and policies from other countries too..
3. Add transparency in your essentials of good governance.
4. No need to add The Paragraph starting with Army's frequent interventions..( its a right thought but not on right place
5. On 10th or 11th Paragraph you have written " government lavish spending" its weak term..Use another word for spending like expenditure etc..
6. Write words Electronic and print media instead of just "Media".
However, excellent writing power you have bro...from where you got???
Have a nice time and don't take care of your self because you are in competition with me...