your essey was average but i want to give you some tips which will be very useful for u hopefully.
first of all always start essey from a beautiful,relevent,impresing quote.not only in the start but also when you conclude.it gives a very good impression of your essey.
youth is a topic on which we can write alot of points,quotes and examples.let me explain it so that it may clear to you.add some quaid,e,azam quotes in it,they many times address with youth and gave lot of importance to youth as youth is the biggest potential for any country its role is very important to change the destiny of a country. then i will say the iqbal gave all mesgs to youth from his poetry because thy know only the positive role of youth can change the destiny.then examples of some developed countries that they promote their youth and got advantages from that.
some quotes related to this topic:
The Youth of a Nation are the trustees of posterity.Benjamin Disraeli

The duty of youth is to challenge corruption.
Kurt Cobain
Youth is easily deceived because it is quick to hope.
Aristotle
It is not possible for civilization to flow backwards while there is youth in the world. Youth may be headstrong, but it will advance it allotted length.
Helen Keller

the youth gets together his materials to build a bridge to the moon, or, perchance, a palace or temple on the earth, and, at length, the middle-aged man concludes to build a woodshed with them.
Henry David Thoreau

then add some development programmes about youth in pakistan
i hope these point may be useful to you.and your material was also impressing.
regards

__________________
Mere fana honay mei meri fana ka fana hona ha
Ar meine apni fanaa mei ae khuda tujhy payaa...!