Sehrish your effort has one really important aspect, that is whatever you wrote, you wrote boldly. This quality of boldness is critically important in papers like essay. Myself i have experience, when i was sitting in essay paper. I had nothing to write on any of the given 10 topics even after a 30-40 minute brain storming. But you will not believe, i scored well in essay and passed that ALHAMDULELLAH.
Your effort has many things to be appreciated, yet, it's a fact, there is always room for improvement. So let us talk about "Democracy in Pakistan" in following brief outlines.

A. Introduction.

B. What is democracy (An attempt to define it, and try to elaborate the definition. Elaboration shall be nothing but an extraction of definition).

C. Democracy and the Islamic Republic of Pakistan.

D. Causes of failure
i) Political Factors (leadership crisis, constitutional dilemma, military rule, political parties' failures, inter-institutional rift, political desparity, political hatred, lack of political consensus, rigging in elections.. etc)
ii) Administerative Factors (Political influence, lack of consistency in policies, corruption, lack of accountability and transparency, mismanagement, bad governance, voter's registration dilemma, inefficient legal system, favouratism, infrastructural mess.. etc)
iii) Social Factors (poverty, illiteracy, lack of awareness, feudal nature, women status, nepotism.. etc)
iv) Economic Factors (lack of funds, aid-ridden budgets, inflation leading to mistrust in democracy.. etc)
v) Religio-cultural Factors (agenda and propaganda of socalled supporters of islamic emirate/caliphate system, indus valley culture-->historically unaware of democratic life style.. etc)

E. Present Scenario
i) A democratically elected govt--> heading towards completion of it's term succesfully....
ii) Pseudo-independent judiciary--> creeping towards complete independence....
iii) Freedom of Press/Media and it's rule.
iv) Mature attitude of military establishment.
v) Increasing consensus in political parties for protection of democratic process.
vi) Increase in literacy rate
vii) Heightening social awareness
viii) Emerging new political powers
ix) International support to democracy in pakistan.

F. Suggestions (Note: for suggestion i will suggest that take the "causes of failure" one by one and give your own workable suggestions to address them all)

G. Conclusion

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