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Old Wednesday, July 03, 2013
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Default The day the world changed (but we didn’t)

The day the world changed (but we didn’t)

It was the Autumn of our disconnect. Meddle Earth — also called North America and/or Hollywood — was struck by a tragic catastrophe: Its leader, the very popular and articulate, George W.XYZ, lay in his TV lounge choking on a banana.

It was a gift given to him by the High Priestess of Kabala, Madonna, on her return from the dark heart of Africa where she had adopted 1,600 starving young Michael Jackson wannabes.

Seeing their master choke on the banana, George’s two dogs, Walt and Disney, ran for the phone. Walt picked up the receiver, while Disney dialed 911.

By now the banana had travelled past George’s Adam’s Apple, when George’s friend, Secretary of State, Dick Van Winkle — an apparently senile but wily ol’ sorcerer — entered the room.

“George,” he said. “Cough! Cough!” Coughed George. “George, we have been attacked!” Said Dick. “What?” Said George, and plump! Out came the banana. “Gee, George,” said Dick. “What in the good Lord’s name is that?” “Madonna… I mean, banana”! George replied. “You said we were attacked?” “Yes, George. Attacked!” “In Iraq!” “No, George, in New York.” “Really?” “Yes, George, really.” “No, I mean, you are serious, right?” “Yes, George, I am serious.” “Really?” “Yes, George, really.” “I see. So, what are you going to do about it?” “You’re the President, George.” “I am?” “Yes, George, you are.” “Really?” “Yes, George, really.”

FOXed News confirmed that the city of New York had been attacked. The highly objective and sober channel reported that the city’s two landmark buildings, called the Swindle Towers, had been attacked by a couple of flying camels.

The network’s correspondent who was at the disastrous scene of the dastardly attack said that two flying camels were seen in the sky just before the attack, and then suddenly both the camels rammed themselves into the two buildings.

As the TV channels showed the harrowing scenes of the buildings being razed and crashing to the ground, Al-Kabeera TV started running exclusive footage of famous Arab philanthropist, Osama Bin Ladee’da, discussing the fine points of Michael Jackson’s Moonwalk in the singer’s 1983 video of Billie Jean.

In passing, Osama was also heard praising the camels for their heroic, paradise-bound deed in New York — a city where Osama once worked as an aspiring ballet dancer in the 1970s.

“Really?” said George. “Yes, George, really,” said Dick.

Only a few days after the dastardly, disastrous, devastating and depressing attack, America’s two leading intelligence agencies, CIA and FBI (or Dumb & Dumber), released information on the flying camels.

According to the agencies, a total number of four camels took part in the attack — the other two had flown to ram themselves in the Octagon Building in Pennsylvania and the White house in Washington DC.

All the camels, it was said, came from a sprawling camel farm in the peaceful and democratic Scandinavian country of Afghanistan.

The farm was said to be owned by Osama’s international charity organisation called Al-Fido — named after Osama’s beloved German Shepherd whom, nonetheless, he shot dead when he left ballet dancing and embraced armed philanthropy (bullet dancing), that forbids keeping dogs as pets. Instead, Osama had started raising camels, goats, llamas and wives, with the later being kept in the goats’ section.

The names of the camels who attacked the Swindle Towers were: Al-Alim Bin Qasim Al-Baruni and Al-Walim Bin Ghaznavi Al-Al. Both the camels belonged to the liberal country of Saudi Arabia and had arrived at Meddle Earth by Euro-Train which they had taken (at gunpoint) from a station in the cultural capital of Europe, Mogadishu.

The camels had then got wings fixed on the sides of their humps in Disneyland in Florida and were financially supported by Osama’s Al-Fido organisation throughout their groovy stay in the US of A where they also attended a couple of Britney Spears concerts and a few baseball games, all the while planning their attack on lollipops (at the concerts) and hotdogs (at the baseball games).

Concerned that the camels are being assimilated by the wicked ways and culture of Meddle Earth, Osama’s contact in Meddle Earth, country & Western singer Noam Chomsky, gave them a long lecture on linguistics which the camels found to be rather boring.

Anyway, the CIA and the FBI claimed that Osama’s camel farm in Afghanistan also had illegal naswar labs. Naswar is a very strong green colored snuff which is popular in Afghanistan and Pakistan. One of the leading naswar brands in these countries is called The Taliban®.

Though banned all over the world, The Taliban® remains to be the largest selling naswar brand in Afghanistan and Pakistan, and was only recently banned in Pakistan when it was said to have induced wild hallucinations in young users, making them see Musarat Shaheen floating in the sky. This somehow made (and still make) very enterprising young men chop heads and blow up mosques and schools.

This is exactly what the users of The Taliban naswar brand started to do, and all in the name of charity, philanthropy and meditation.

CIA and FBI explained that Osama had made huge investments in The Taliban® naswar brand, and that the CEO of The Taliban Naswar Corporation©, One Eyed Jack, had connections in certain Pakistani agencies, Heckle & Jeckle.

“Really?”Said George. “Yes, George, really,” said Dick.

Pakistan had been bombing itself to stone age for long, so George threatened its leader, General Musharraf Schwarzenegger — a carefree mountaineer famous for scaling the rocky hills of Kargil— that he will bomb Pakistan out of the stone age if he didn’t support Meddle Earth in its attack on Osama’s camel farms and the offices of The Taliban® snuff brand in Afghanistan.

Fearing that getting out of the stone age would deprive Pakistan of glorious military dictators (and TV talk shows), Musharraf agreed to support Meddle Earth’s operation in Afghanistan.

However, two of Pakistan’s biggest, most popular, largest and landslide-election-winning political parties such as Pakistan Thereek-i-Imran (PTI) and the Jamat-i-Zabaani (JZ), severely criticised Musharraf’s decision.

PML-S [Pakistan Muslim League-Saudi), a tiny party in the dusty Pakistani town of Jeddah in the improvished province of Punjab, too accused Musharraf of selling-out.

“Nothing and no-one can dare pull Pakistan out of the stone age!” said Jimran Khan in a press statement. They added that enjoying Taliban® snuff brand is the right of every Pakistani and that of their brothers (but not sisters) in Afghanistan.

Even though Meddle Earth let Pakistan retain its sacred stone age status, it attacked Afghanistan. But after realising that Afghanistan was merely a large, useless lump of rock, bombing it out of stone age won’t make an iota of difference.

In frustration, George ordered an attack on Iraq saying that Iraqi dictator, Aladdin, was funding renegade Red Indians who wanted to take back the American continent from the superior Caucasian invaders.

As can be seen in various Oscar-winning documentaries made on the subject, and groundbreaking research conducted by giant scholars and intellectuals like Prof. Zion Hamid, Dr Haroon Shahid Yahya Billa and trillions of their PhD followers on Facebook, we now know that the whole attack was a hoax; a conspiracy by the illuminati, the Third Generation of the Elders of Zion, Mr Spock and Dr Phil against Islam, Pakistan and the wonders of the stone age.

The day the world changed (but we didn’t)
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