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No doubt a commendable effort.
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Many many thanks for your compliments
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As far as I understand, the conent should primarily reflect the topic under discussion. From your writing, that only a small part of that.
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I would be in debt of your kindness if you let me know from your understanding, i.e.,
which part of my essay do not reflect the "topic under discussion."
As far as I know, essay should be comprehensive, i.e., to cover all the aspects of women rights in Pakistan. To present only the negative aspects and ignoring other side of the mirror is not a good way to write an essay. If you look at the topic "THE STATE OF WOMEN RIGHTS IN PAKISTAN"; it doesn't say that one should only focus on the negative aspects. I have only presented the "STATE" both positive and negative.
Throughout my discussion, I have maintained that majority of women in Pakistan are deprived of their rights; presented the clear picture of the brutal customs, violence, etc; also showed that there are laws and commission but they are ineffective; also showed that there are very small number of women enjoying their rights, but they are unable to rectify the lot of the majority of underprivileged women.
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Don't you think the primary focus should have been on the current state of women rights in pakistan, rather than what they are or should be.
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I think you haven't read the Essay. I request you to please read it once very fast from top to bottom and if you find anything which is outdated or not faced by women today then let me know; then I would discuss it with you.
I am glad to have your comments upon my Essay; moreover, if you think any part of the essay is irrelevant, unnecessary or does not point to the current state of women then please point me that portion. I would like to discuss and clarify the reason to write that part.
Thanks