You have disscussed some points that are quite excellent and they bear a strong relationship with the concerned topic. Try to structure your essay. Intro, expose the topic with facts (not opinions) and then arguments, conclusion. All of your argument should be after the exposition. Do not expose and argument in the same paragraph. You are on the right track to write a coherent and well structured essay. It is a really nice attempt.

consider these points that I also mentioned in your previous thread.

In my view, you have diverted from the topic to quite an extent. When you render that english has runined the education system, you need to be more specific and persuasive. I don't really understand how will you augument the valid points in favour of

Lack in Cognitive Development
Absence of Critical Thinking

How does the presense of english books has led to the lack of cognitive developmeent and why does this language is devoid of imparting critical thinking? Even rote learning will enhance some sort of mental capabilities.
And are you assuming it for granted that Urdu does the opposite of English (in developing abilities, and if so then you should prove this). You need to explain both perspectives side by side in order to argument in a concise manner.

Moreover, the structure of essay is more suitable if you expose the topic first. The exposition is based on the views mentioned in the thesis statement. Once you have finished exposing, at least 50% of your writing should be decicated to logical arguments that support your thesis. Many of the points you mentioned cannot be defended well from a logical or realistic purpose.

Moreove, on one side you state that English has ruined the system and in the solutions you say that it should be the secondary language. Will it still not produce similar results?



My thesis statement could have been,

The lack of well trained human resource, outdated and incoherent government policies, absense of a suitable schooling system and the failure of government to dedicate adequate monetary resources are the prime factors that consitute the biggest hurdles in implementing english as the medium of instructions.

You should and must include the ramsifications of the 18th amendment that declared education as a provincial subject. The incoherence in the policies of the individual provinces is the biggest problem in acquiring results from english medium schooling and this point bears extreme importance in your argumentation.

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