AoA

I agree to sohail, brother its a good attempt but you need to work hard for improvement of your essay.

I am trying to put my suggestions as under:

- its a good attempt that you tried to write on an odd subject. most ppl (including me) normally dont bother to write such type of essays.
- try to improve your grammer e.g. must try to use proper form of verb required for the noun/pronoun and use proper article
- the content of essay should go in continuity. there must be a linear flow of words so that the examiner may read the paragraphs in one go.
- in my thinking the first paragraph is not appropriate for this essay, try to think some other idea for the essay and it is advisable that you draft an outline for the essay before writing it
- you started your essay with story of hen that laid golden eggs, however, the words jumpled up in the sentences of paragraph:

A hen that lays golden eggs is important in that it lays ‘golden eggs’! However, if one were to get rich overnight he might consider slaughtering the hen for all the gold. Unfortunately such an idea yields no eggs but dead flesh to be eaten by scavengers. It is for this reason and for no other that proper care of the hen be taken. Proper feed, proper resting place and such as are necessary to ensure continuity of ‘eggs’

i tried to reshufle the paragraph as under:

A hen that lays golden eggs is important becuase it lays ‘golden eggs’! However, if one greeds to be rich overnight he might consider slaughtering the hen for getting all the gold at once. Unfortunately such an idea yields no profit but sorrow and grief for ever. It is for this reason that instead of killing the hen in one go, its proper care be taken for continous source of income. Proper feed, compoftable place, healthy environment and good habitat is necessary to ensure continuity of ‘golden eggs.’

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