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Old Saturday, January 26, 2008
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Muhammad T S Awan Muhammad T S Awan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Versatile
First of all, i want to thank you for your critical analysis. specially,about the use of active verbs. There is one thing on which i would like u to enlighten my understanding:
-what is wrong with example of hen? i think, it is one of the best aesop fables, in which P\Pc i.e productivity and proper care of productivity can be elaborated. frankly speaking i dont have a better starting point than this. As far as the skill goes,to initiate discussion of essay with relevant story is one of the effective tools to absorb reader.'
certainly it is an effective tool to absorb attention of reader to write story/anecdote in the essay, but brother the story of hen is not relevant to the title of essay i.e. "importance of holiday," you may write story of a wood cutter who remained buzy in cutting woods with less rest and his effeciency started deteriorating thn some one advised him to take rest in intervals so he remain fresh in

Quote:
Originally Posted by Versatile
2. In reshufled paragraph, active verb ''greed'' is more appropriate than 'if one were..' in second sentence it brings out its meaning where you say, ''Unfortunately such an idea yields no profit but sorrow and grief for ever.'' it however looses appeal with this sentence,"It is for this reason that instead of killing the hen in one go..." I think this sentence makes it boring because we have already mentioned that hen is slaughtered,although it maintains flow of the passage at the cost of arousing intrest.
i dont think that it will make the essay boring. . u may use more small words to make flow in the paragraph instead of write one or two heavy words...

and u must also try to make an outline of the essay. no doubt it is difficuilt to make outlines for such type of essays, however, it would be beneficial for you in arranging essay contents after making its outlines...

wish u the best of luck in ur endeavours...
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