English Essay
 

Being a CSS 2018 aspirant I am writing a paragraph. Plz kindly evaluate my writing style. so that i can know my shortcomings.


War on terror and USA


" United states of America, having one of the strong, well equipped, well trained military forces is combating a war on terror with few ideologically driven religious extremists. That sounds ironic, but it actually is happening in this modern world.

This all started, when America was imposing itself as a all alone superpower, but USSR (united state of soviet Russia) was determined to give america a tough time by emerging as a competitor ( militarily, globally and financially). USSR was continuously expanding its borders and ultimately it reached and conquered Afghanistan. Instead of fighting directly with USSR, Americans chose Afghanistan as battle ground where it was decided, who actually is the world leader USA or USSR."

Its a short passage, so plz pay attention on writing style, your feedback would be very valuable for me.

Thankyou

[QUOTE=kosam zahra 222;1015422]Being a CSS 2018 aspirant I am writing a paragraph. Plz kindly evaluate my writing style. so that i can know my shortcomings.


War on terror and USA


" United states of America, having one of the strong, well equipped, well trained military forces is combating a war on terror with few ideologically driven religious extremists. That sounds ironic, but it actually is happening in this modern world.

This all started, when America was imposing itself as a all alone superpower, but USSR (united state of soviet Russia) was determined to give america a tough time by emerging as a competitor ( militarily, globally and financially). USSR was continuously expanding its borders and ultimately it reached and conquered Afghanistan. Instead of fighting directly with USSR, Americans chose Afghanistan as battle ground where it was decided, who actually is the world leader USA or USSR."

Its a short passage, so plz pay attention on writing style, your feedback would be very valuable for me.

Thankyou[/QUOTE]
Hey it's fine except a few mistakes that forsure are made unintentionally
1.as a all alone superpower
2.A in America has to be capital, always.
Rest, you know how to write.

[QUOTE=kosam zahra 222;1015422]Being a CSS 2018 aspirant I am writing a paragraph. Plz kindly evaluate my writing style. so that i can know my shortcomings.


War on terror and USA


" United states of America, having one of the strong, well equipped, well trained military forces is combating a war on terror with few ideologically driven religious extremists. That sounds ironic, but it actually is happening in this modern world.

This all started, when America was imposing itself as a all alone superpower, but USSR (united state of soviet Russia) was determined to give america a tough time by emerging as a competitor ( militarily, globally and financially). USSR was continuously expanding its borders and ultimately it reached and conquered Afghanistan. Instead of fighting directly with USSR, Americans chose Afghanistan as battle ground where it was decided, who actually is the world leader USA or USSR."

Its a short passage, so plz pay attention on writing style, your feedback would be very valuable for me.

Thankyou[/QUOTE]
What are ur subjects and educational background

[QUOTE=kosam zahra 222;1015422]Being a CSS 2018 aspirant I am writing a paragraph. Plz kindly evaluate my writing style. so that i can know my shortcomings.


War on terror and USA


" United states of America, having one of the strong, well equipped, well trained military forces is combating a war on terror with few ideologically driven religious extremists. That sounds ironic, but it actually is happening in this modern world.

This all started, when America was imposing itself as a all alone superpower, but USSR (united state of soviet Russia) was determined to give america a tough time by emerging as a competitor ( militarily, globally and financially). USSR was continuously expanding its borders and ultimately it reached and conquered Afghanistan. Instead of fighting directly with USSR, Americans chose Afghanistan as battle ground where it was decided, who actually is the world leader USA or USSR."

Its a short passage, so plz pay attention on writing style, your feedback would be very valuable for me.

Thankyou[/QUOTE]

United states of America, having one of the strong, well equipped, well trained military forces.

you can write like this .

USA has one of the strongest and well trained military forces in the world. It is combating with the war on terror ...

sentences should be concise and well defined . by putting punctuation and conjections make sentences more complicate.

i recently did my BS (hons) in psychology.

[QUOTE=kosam zahra 222;1015422]Being a CSS 2018 aspirant I am writing a paragraph. Plz kindly evaluate my writing style. so that i can know my shortcomings.


War on terror and USA


" United states of America, having one of the strong, well equipped, well trained military forces is combating a war on terror with few ideologically driven religious extremists. That sounds ironic, but it actually is happening in this modern world.

This all started, when America was imposing itself as a all alone superpower, but USSR (united state of soviet Russia) was determined to give america a tough time by emerging as a competitor ( militarily, globally and financially). USSR was continuously expanding its borders and ultimately it reached and conquered Afghanistan. Instead of fighting directly with USSR, Americans chose Afghanistan as battle ground where it was decided, who actually is the world leader USA or USSR."

Its a short passage, so plz pay attention on writing style, your feedback would be very valuable for me.

Thankyou[/QUOTE]
Dear ,I would suggest that you should write simple sentences rather than complex. your focus should be on ideas and grammar as both matter a lot in an essay .I
hope it helps

Do not you think by using simple sentences the essay would not be up to the mark. I am not not suggesting the use complex sentences entirely. But i think complex sentences add more maturity and style to your writing. As simple sentences are more commonly used and give your essay a mediocre look. While essay writing is not just the test of grammar and ideas, I think it also assess your style, which provides an insight to your command on language.

This is my views, please feel free to comment.

[QUOTE=kosam zahra 222;1016118]Do not you think by using simple sentences the essay would not be up to the mark. I am not not suggesting the use complex sentences entirely. But i think complex sentences add more maturity and style to your writing. As simple sentences are more commonly used and give your essay a mediocre look. While essay writing is not just the test of grammar and ideas, I think it also assess your style, which provides an insight to your command on language.

This is my views, please feel free to comment.[/QUOTE]

I think it would be better to train your mind to write simple sentences quickly rather than complex sentences that require a lot of thinking. In exam hall, you don't have the time or the energy to come up with complex sentences. They do look a bit mediocre, the person checking the essay would probably be on a whole different level. You won't be able to impress him with complex sentences. This is just my opinion.

You need to work on your grammar. Nowdays short sentences are preffered over long sentences generally, so you should also work on your sentence structure. Go through essays of BERTRAND RUSSELL as reference.

Thank you for recommending" Essays of Bertrand Russell".I find it very relevant. Can you recommend more books related to essay writing and also for other subjects such as Islamiat, pakistan affairs, current affairs, english grammer.

Secondly, can you specifically point out the grammatical areas that I need to work on.

That would be very kind of you.