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  #31  
Old Saturday, November 05, 2016
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah Mehar View Post
PRECIS

Last May, the author and his friend, John visited Cherokee county, Oklahoma - a relatively quieter tourist attraction. They went to the beautiful town of Qualla Boundary, where reenactment of 18th century lifestyle in Oconaluftee Village, introduced tourists to Cherokee’s history. The duo stumbled upon a souvenir shop decorated with traditional artifacts and had lunch with George - the outgoing owner of the shop. George was a former woodcutter, who switched to his current profession due to want of income. George told them that aside from trade, the Cherokee earn extra money through small businesses during the tourist season. Finally, they saw some historic articles in a local museum. On his return, the author longed for the place and hoped for a new adventure.

Topic: An Excursion to Cherokee
Words in Precis : 125
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In précis narration is changed. The whole paragraph is changed from direct to indirect. If there is past simple tense, then it's changed to past perfect.

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Sarah Mehar (Saturday, November 05, 2016)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jamalnasir View Post
In précis narration is changed. The whole paragraph is changed from direct to indirect. If there is past simple tense, then it's changed to past perfect.

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Thanks for your review. Is changing narration considered wrong in precis? I thought as long as it is in third person then it was considered fine. Moreover, the writer is narrating events of last May so, how can I write its precis in present tens?
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This is a precis of same paragraph by Muhammad Umair, a member of this forum. His attempt is better than mine. He has also changed narration.

Title: Trip to Cherokee.

The Author had a hard time choosing a tour during his vacation last May. After much deliberation and suggestion from his friend, John, he chose to make a trip to Cherokee. They first visited a town, Qualla boundary, whose natural beauty and tribal culture awestruck them. After that they visited the souvenir shop. Shop contained a range of old, tribal products. Shop keeper, who introduced himself as George, welcomed them and invited them for a lunch after a long chat. George apprised them of his hectic routine during the tour season; his past profession; and about local economy, which depended on multiple sources, including entertainment. Author’s final stop was at a museum where a variety of symbols of Cherokee cosmology were displayed.
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No my sister, I didn't say that it's wrong to change narration. I said that in précis it is required to change narration. Means it's necessary to change sentences from direct to indirect. As in original text where there is past simple tense, you have to change it to past perfect, but you didn't change past simple to past perfect.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jamalnasir View Post
No my sister, I didn't say that it's wrong to change narration. I said that in précis it is required to change narration. Means it's necessary to change sentences from direct to indirect. As in original text where there is past simple tense, you have to change it to past perfect, but you didn't change past simple to past perfect.
I see. Again thanks for your reply. Can you please give me an example from my precis? Is it must to change narration in precis? I mean is it a rule?

I am just learning to write precis so, please forgive my naivete. Has Mr Umair done it right?
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It's not necessary to give example, your almost complete précis is in past simple tense. As far as I know it's necessary to change narration. But any senior would guide better for it.
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What do you think brother after receiving feedback from this forum and other sources?Do you still hold FPSC responsible for your failure?I am asking these questions because after reading your story and so many other about FPSC insensitive marking criteria,it gets extremely demoralizing for new aspirants.
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@Brother infinite optimism, according to my friends who are native English speakers there are no such blunders in my précis, although I sent this material to my some other friends who are CSPs. Now waiting for their reply. I think they'll reply after a week. By the way if I do highly strict marking and give minimum marks for my paper, then it would be in this way.

Synonyms/ Antonyms: 13

Précis: 10

Comprehension: 10

Correction: 3

Punctuation: 3

Analogy: 4

Narration: 3

Pair of words: 3

Idioms: 3

Translation: 5

Total: 57
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Thanks everyone.

I request other members to please check my precis.

Original text of précis:

During my vacation last May, I had a hard time choosing a tour. Flights to Japan, Hong Kong and Australia are just too common. What I wanted was somewhere exciting and exotic, a place where I could be spared from the holiday tour crowds. I was so happy when Joan called up, suggesting a trip to Cherokee, a county in the state of Oklahoma. I agreed and went off with the preparation immediately.
We took a flight to Cherokee and visited a town called Qualla Boundary Surrounded by magnificent mountain scenery, the town painted a paradise before us. With its Oconaluftee Indian Village reproducing tribal crafts and lifestyles of the 18th century and the outdoor historical pageant Unto These Hillsplaying six times weekly in the summer nights, Qualla Boundary tries to present a brief image of the Cherokee past to the tourists.
Despite the language barrier, we managed to find our way to the souvenir shops with the help of the natives. The shops are filled with rubber tomahawks and colorful traditional war bonnets, made of dyed turkey feathers. Tepees, cone-shaped tents made from animal skin, are also pitched near the shops. "Welcome! Want to get anything ?" We looked up and saw a middle-aged man smiling at us. We were very surprised by his fluent English. He introduced himself as George and we ended up chatting till lunch time when he invited us for lunch at a nearby coffee shop.
"Sometimes, I've to work from morning to sunset during the tour season. Anyway, this is still better off than being a woodcutter ..." Remembrance weighed heavy on George's mind and he went on to tell us that he used to cut firewood for a living but could hardly make ends meet. We learnt from him that the Cherokees do not depend solely on trade for survival. During the tour off-peak period, the tribe would have to try out other means for income. One of the successful ways is the "Bingo Weekend". On the Friday afternoons of the Bingo weekends, a large bingo hall will be opened, attracting huge crowds of people to the various kinds of games like the Super Jackpot and the Warrior Game Special. According to George, these forms of entertainment fetch them great returns.
Our final stop in Qualla Boundary was at the museum where arts, ranging from the simple hand-woven oak baskets to wood and stone carvings of wolves, ravens and other symbols of Cherokee cosmology are displayed.
Back at home, I really missed the place and I would of course look forward to the next trip to another exotic place.

PRECIS

Last May, the author and his friend, John visited Cherokee county, Oklahoma - a relatively quieter tourist attraction. They went to the beautiful town of Qualla Boundary, where reenactment of 18th century lifestyle in Oconaluftee Village, introduced tourists to Cherokee’s history. The duo stumbled upon a souvenir shop decorated with traditional artifacts and had lunch with George - the outgoing owner of the shop. George was a former woodcutter, who switched to his current profession due to want of income. George told them that aside from trade, the Cherokee earn extra money through small businesses during the tourist season. Finally, they saw some historic articles in a local museum. On his return, the author longed for the place and hoped for a new adventure.

Topic: An Excursion to Cherokee
Words in Precis : 125

Please check if there is any mistake related to narration.
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Decent precis! If I were the examiner, I would pass it.

And the precis by Umair is good, too. Did you appear in '16?
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