Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness

[ursula]

Respected members and aspirants,I've written an expansion, and I want suggestion from seniors in this regard
Note:
Its my first ever effort on this forum.

Here it goes.
Man is superior to all other creatures,because it strives to attain the truth and never compromises against the odds.It explored the nature and glorified the complex phenomenon of universe.At every step there were new challenges-much tougher and more exhausting then previous one,but it continued and hence it diluted the impacts of natural catastrophe,made it possible to see the life at sub cellular level,filtered the ocean and dramatized the reality that man can challenge superstition and that due its extraordinary cognitive abilities,angels were ordered to prostrate.
Consider the life of Holy prophet(pbuh),who lead a miserable life in Shaib I abi Talib,but never compromised on the basic principles of truth and equality; it was due to his dedicated effort that transformed Arab into a civilized nation,who were once labelled as illiterate- Than again it was Arab who also produced Umar(ra)the farooq(just)Abu bakkar siddique(the truth teller).

Unfold the history further ,there comes great nations: industrial revolution,mass production and age of enlightenment.It is another name of product manufactured out of trial and tribulation.It's glorified at the behest of sacrifices and struggle made by common people.Scientists sacrificed their lives,middle men crucified by nobles man and poor farmer were devoid of land,but it was french revolution and its great impetus that introduced the universal principle of democracy,equality and justice in Europe.
But in our country situation is very different,
we have accepted that we are succumbers, as we want to live in sulf perpetuated cycle of myseries and disappointment and we've never tempted least to make a trial,to initiate an effort and to get rid of such bitter scoldings then look into the eyes of adversary-its time for her to surrender,since presence of silver lining among the dark clouds is quite possible.If dart of disappointment is there ,then why not join hand in hand and through cohesive forces of universal brotherhood,respect and love transform the country into an eternal paradise.

If you can't fly,then run.If you can't run,then walk.if you cant walk,then crawl.But whatever you do, you have to keep movingfarward.-Martin Luther King jr.

[RoadBlock]

I have just gone through the expansion in a hurry. Please make sure you take a look at the corrections or additions made in the commas. Please make sure you learn to use the comma, full stop, semi colon and colon. Moreover, resort to the basic yet suitable English for expansion. Your first sentence should be giving the audience an idea as to what is the main stance of expansion and the rest of expansion should be derived from it.


Man is superior to all other creatures, because it (he) strives to attain (explore) the truth and never compromises against the odds. It (He) explored the nature and glorified the complex phenomenon of universe. At every step there were new challenges-much tougher and more exhausting then (the) previous one (ones) ,but it (he) continued and hence (consequently) it (he) diluted the impacts of natural catastrophe, made it possible to see the life at sub cellular level, filtered the ocean and dramatized the reality that man can challenge superstition and that due (to) its (these) extraordinary cognitive abilities, angels were ordered to prostrate (before him).

Consider the life of Holy prophet(pbuh),who lead (led) a miserable life in Shaib I abi Talib, but (and) never compromised on the basic principles of truth and equality; it was due to his dedicated effort (efforts) that transformed Arab into a civilized nation (that Arab was being transformed into a civilized nation), (the same Arabs) who were once (conventionally) labelled as illiterate- (.)Than (then) again it was Arab who (which) also produced Umar(ra)the farooq(just)Abu bakkar siddique(the truth teller).

Unfold the history further ,there comes great nations: industrial revolution, mass production and age of enlightenment. It is another name of product manufactured out of trial and tribulation (this sentence does not have any context here). It's glorified at the behest of sacrifices and struggle made by common people.Scientists sacrificed their lives,middle men crucified by nobles man (men) and poor farmer (farmers) were (made) devoid of (their) land,but it was (the) french revolution and its great impetus that introduced the universal principle of democracy, equality and justice in Europe.

But in our country(,) situation (the scenario) is very different, (.)we have accepted that we are succumbers, as we want to live in sulf (self) perpetuated cycle of myseries (miseries)and disappointment (s) and we've never tempted least to make a trial, to initiate an effort and to get rid of such bitter scolding then look into the eyes of adversary- (.)its (It is )time for her (her??) to surrender,since presence of silver lining among the dark clouds is quite possible.If dart of disappointment is there ,then why not join hand in hand and through (by utilizing) cohesive forces of universal brotherhood, respect and love transform the country into an eternal paradise.

If you can't fly,then run. If you can't run, then walk.if you can’t walk,then crawl.But whatever you do, you have to keep moving farward.-Martin Luther King jr

[ursula]

Thanks for such a nice cooperation,inshallah I will do my level best to read the passage carefully before posting and also you will also put your effort to find out the mistakes.

[Nazish Hina]

2 questions:
1-What is expansion?
2-Is it part of the new syllabus?

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[imranazeem]

Originally Posted by Nazish Hina

2 questions:
1-What is expansion?
2-Is it part of the new syllabus?

No, it's been a part of the Comprehension paper for quite some time now.
Have a look at this year and last year's paper to see what this is about.

It is basically about the expansion of ideas. You're given a statement on which you're expected to present your case in a paragraph or two at max.

[Nazish Hina]

Originally Posted by imranazeem

No, it's been a part of the Comprehension paper for quite some time now.
Have a look at this year and last year's paper to see what this is about.

It is basically about the expansion of ideas. You're given a statement on which you're expected to present your case in a paragraph or two at max.

Write a comprehensive note (250 – 300 words) on any ONE of the following. Is this what you're talking about?