Comprehensive Note Writing Practice For 2008 - Let's Do It!

[secondopinion02]

Hi,

I am initiating a thread for the Passage writing practice; English Paper II Q3. Hope you all would participate at their best.

Looking forward to your contributions!

thanks

[secondopinion02]

Plz check whether up to the requirements and correct the errors.

2006 - Q3 (c)
Charms strike the sight but merit wins the soul

Many people think from their eyes and do not bother to use their gray matter. This is very common observation that a well-dressed person is highly regarded by masses as compare to a modest wearing person. The reason merely is the charm of the sight and the impression of status that paralyze the ability of judgment. With this irresponsible behavior, the injustice is done with the meritorious ones. It has become a norm of today's world; business firms are specially training their employees to make themselves up effectively in order to impress the customers. Such measures greatly improve the sale of the product. Leaving aside some reputed organizations, some enterprises are deceiving people in disguise. The truth, later on, discloses over the purchaser that the product is not up to the mark. However, contrary to this phenomenon, a well-recognized and quality product does not need such flattering tricks. The quality and merit of the product speaks volumes about its utility for the customers. Whether the salesperson is sitting on the footpath or whether the product is in an ordinary pack, the pervious satisfaction of the customer would not bother to see the charm; purchasers would only judge by the satisfactory response of the product that had previously got by them. Therefore, new products, which are defective in their merits but attractive in their packaging, would never be able to win the soul of the customers over the product having some merit in its quality. Hence, charm strikes the sight but merit wins the soul.

[Muskan Ghuman]

@ Second Coming,

Good effort! Especially the language, syntax and organization are superb. You have interpreted the quote from the point of view of business. No doubt, you have proved logically whatever you wanted to say but the same quote can be interpreted in another sense as well. Like in this materialistic age mostly people go for outer looks or facial beauty of a person but this charm is not long-lasting and fades soon. On the contrary, merits i.e. different good attributes in one's personality leave a permanent influence on others. Outer beauty can satisfy only vision but merits make a strong bond between two souls....
Anyhow your effort is really commendable. Keep it up.

Regards,

[secondopinion02]

@Muskan Ghuman

Thanks for your appreciation, it has realy improved my morale.... I am eagerly anticipating your own version of this passage.

Regards,

[Yasser28]

Charms strike the sight but merit wins the soul

Many people think from their eyes and do not bother to use their gray matter. This is very common observation that a well-dressed person is highly regarded by the masses as compare to a modest+ly wearing person. The reason merely is the charm of the sight and the impression of status that paralyze+s the ability of judgment. With this irresponsible behavior, the injustice is done with the meritorious ones. It has become a norm of today's world; business firms are specially training their employees to make themselves up effectively in order to impress the customers. Such measures greatly improve the sale of the product. Leaving aside some reputed organizations, some enterprises are deceiving people in disguise. The truth, later on, discloses over the purchaser that the product is not up to the mark. However, contrary to this phenomenon, a well-recognized and quality product does not need such flattering tricks. The quality and merit of the product speaks volumes about its utility for the customers. Whether the salesperson is sitting on the footpath or whether the product is in an ordinary pack, the pervious satisfaction of the customer would not bother to see the charm; purchasers would only judge by the satisfactory response of the product that had previously got by them. Therefore, new products, which are defective in their merits but attractive in their packaging, would never be able to win the soul of the customers over the product having some merit in its quality. Hence, charm strikes the sight but merit wins the soul.

.

Please look the things I've italicised.Try to think what's wrong with them and give them in a separate post,I'll try to tell you how you can improve them.Moreover,all of your spellings are in American English try to convert them in the standard British English,e.g.,gray into grey,paralyze into paralyse,behavior into behaviour.The rest search for yourself.I can presume you have been predominantly reading books of American authors during your studentship.However,I appreciate your development of the thesis.

...Yasser

[555]

Originally Posted by secondopinion02

Plz check whether up to the requirements and correct the errors.

2006 - Q3 (c)
Charms strike the sight but merit wins the soul

Many(Most of the) people think from their eyes and do not bother to use(using) their gray matter. This is very common observation that a well-dressed person is highly regarded by masses as compare(cmpared) to a modest (humbly or modestly dressed)wearing person. The reason merely is the charm of the
(the is extra) sight and the impression of status that paralyze the ability of judgment. With this irresponsible behavior, the (the extra)injustice is done with the meritorious ones. It has become a norm of today's world; business firms are specially training their employees to make themselves up effectively in order to impress the customers. Such measures greatly improve the sale of the(the extra) product. Leaving aside some reputed organizations, some enterprises are deceiving people in disguise. The truth, later on, discloses over the purchaser that the product is not up to the mark. However,
(use however or cotrary but both are not appropriate) contrary to this phenomenon, a well-recognized and quality product does not need such flattering tricks. The quality and merit of the product speaks volumes about(of) its utility for the customers. Whether the salesperson is sitting on the footpath or whether
(or is enough no whether here) the product is in an ordinary pack, the pervious satisfaction of the customer would not bother to see the charm; purchasers would only judge by the satisfactory response of the product that had previously got by them. Therefore, new products, which are defective in their merits but attractive in their packaging, would never be able to win the soul of the(the extra) customers over the product having some merit in its quality. Hence, charm strikes the sight but merit wins the soul.

Dear , that was a splendid effort.I tried to find out some mistakes.These are mentioned as above.I may be wrong in my assessment.I request further correction from the other members.

Regards

[secondopinion02]

WHERE IGNORANCE IS BLISS, IT IS FOLLY TO BE WISE
It is human nature that it craves for happiness, freedom and relaxation. There is no doubt that humans are sent in this world to bear the sufferings of the mistake carried out by their ancestors in paradise; Adam and Eve's blunder against Allah's command. So in this world, the mankind is for living a life full of worries, which start from the birth with a cry for food and end at the last breath with a fear of death. Thus, the reason to be in this world is to bear anxieties, frustrations and fears. Now the question is if there is no way out of tensions then how to live in the world? The answer would be clear by a simple logic that a child is unaware of the threat of the weapons of mass destruction or an inevitable death. The baby lives in a careless and fearless world, which is full of joy and liveliness. This world of neglect is the real cause of an everlasting happiness of the kid. Therefore, it is the ignorance which safe the children from high blood pressure, heart attack, depression and so on. To neglect certain realities that have nothing to do with our daily life is necessary. Such matters which have no immediate bearings upon our daily routine should be ignored. Pondering over such problems would be out of our scope. There are thousands of moments of joys are lying in front of us; the need is to realize them and accept the reality that where ignorance is bliss, it is folly to be wise.

[secondopinion02]

Thanks To Locate My Weaknesses..... I Have Posted Another Passage, Hope You All Would Correct This. Waiting For Your Comments.....

Regards

[secondopinion02]

@ YASSER28
Sir I would like to ask that why should I stop writing American standard. I think it would be mistake to mix both British and American spellings and styles but if I am totally following American pattern then why should I shift to British. Also it would be difficult for me to follow British standard coz I am used to American way of spelling. Wouldn it have any bearing upon my marks if I do follow the American standard of writing in exam?

@YASSER28
Plz justify the following mistakes as you have pointed out;
With this irresponsible behavior,
It has become a norm of today's world;
The truth, later on, discloses over the purchaser
purchasers would only judge by the satisfactory response of the product that had previously got by them.

@ 555
Could you please clarify the following mistakes that you have pointed out?
1. Many(Most of the) people think from their eyes.
2. bother to use(using) their gray matter..... ("Bother to" phrase can be used with a verb word)
3. Such measures greatly improve the sale of the(the extra) product.

Thanks

regards

SECONDOPINION

[Yasser28]

Originally Posted by secondopinion02

@YASSER28
Plz justify the following mistakes as you have pointed out;
With this irresponsible behavior,
It has become a norm of today's world;
The truth, later on, discloses over the purchaser
purchasers would only judge by the satisfactory response of the product that had previously got by them.

Dear, this "irresposible" is not a suitable adjective here, use instead "faulty", "immature" ,etc.

''world's;" insert comma here not a semi-collin

''discloses over'' is not a proper word here(yaar watching TV while composing post so not coming in mind a suggestive word)yes,watching DAWN NEWS gave clue use "dawns upon" istead.

"previously 'got by them" try to remain in active voice,passive voice is considered stylistically in bad taste."Got" word is used in informal and spoken language for written you have to resort to ''bought".
...you've missed some italicised items,well it's up to you.But I should remind you that you need to strengthen your definite article ''the" area.Moreover,you seem to me a management or IT graduate and there is an abundance of Americanism in your writing, esp., in spelling conventions.Do remeber our CSS examiners are little Master's in American literature rather they are conservative followers of British conventions of Queen's English.It was information,you can better decide for yourself.

@ 555
Could you please clarify the following mistakes that you have pointed out?
1. Many(Most of the) people think from their eyes.
2. bother to use(using) their gray matter..... ("Bother to" phrase can be used with a verb word)
3. Such measures greatly improve the sale of the(the extra) product.

I tend to disagree with the first point of my ver dear fellow 555.When you use "Most of the people" you are giving a negative signal that majority is fool rather your Second... "Many" appeals to me as it is giving quite reasonable space that there are many people not "nearly all people" .

The second point of 555 is quite agreeble to me and I feel sorry I missed that.Dear,you have t use a gerund here it's not just simple verb first form case.

...Yasser