Need critical comments on expansion of an idea
 

AoA to all,

its my first attempt regarding ideas expansion. please critically review it and suggest me some improvement tips (especially dear seniors).


[B][CENTER]"Variety is the spice of Life" [/CENTER][/B]



[CENTER]Variety’s the very spice of life,
That gives it all its flavor.
--William Cowper[/CENTER]

God has created this enormous universe with the essential ingredient of ‘variety’. And this ingredient has been playing its role since its injection into the body of universe. Man is the true seeker of variety. His instinct and love for change or to be variant , has always kept him on his toes to do better, to achieve greater, to look different and progressive from his ancestors.
Various planets, various continents, various countries, various climates, various cultures, various civilizations, various languages, etc. make this world beautiful, enchanting and worth-living for its various inhabitants. Diversity in cultures and civilizations creates a sense of competitiveness among the nations of this world. Variety among ideas leads people of a society towards progressive and brainstorming environment. Changing attitudes, aptitudes and fashions motivates a man to enjoy life to its full. As he grows up, his habits, his wisdom, his knowledge and his experiences , keep on steadily improving and changing in his quest for the best. There is no static factor which makes man a symbol of ‘uniformity’. Variety encircles him and makes him dynamic.
Life is to live for enjoying all its phases and colors. And not to restrict the spectrum of agility to one and only phase , color or sphere of life. Variety fills color in the checkered picture of life but uniformity fades it. Variety brings happiness and pleasure in life but uniformity slowly poisons it. In short , variety is the soul of pleasure and pleasure is the soul of life. John Gay rightly describes it in the following lines:

[CENTER]“Variety’s the source of joy below,
From whence still fresh revolving pleasures flow.
In books and love, the mind one end pursues,
And only change the expiring flame renews.”[/CENTER]

Please Seniors reply.....
 

AoA,

Plz seniors just have a quick look of the passage posted earlier by me related to idea expansion (with topic [B]"Variety is the spice of Life"[/B] ) and suggest me some tips of improvements.

Thanks in advance.

Regards

Ali

[B]@ acme[/B]

Halo Brother. How are you? I hope you would get your querry be solved soon. Thanks for your patience.

I may NOT be an authority on this subject, but I have attempted this very topic, so here I will critically comment on your expansion.
[quote=acme]
[B][CENTER]"Variety is the spice of Life[/CENTER]
[/B]
[CENTER]Variety’s the very spice of life,
That gives it all its flavor.
--William Cowper

[/CENTER]
God has created this enormous universe with the essential ingredient of ‘variety’. And this ingredient has been playing its role since its injection into the body of universe.
[/quote]

[B][U]1.[/U][/B]The quotation at the start fits in but the very first two sentences of the paragraph does not go well with this poetical or literary topic.
The use of Variety as Ingredient in the above sentences does not give the desired result, see, it may be grammatically correct, but it's not all, the idea of expansion of a topic is that the examiner wants to make sure the you can understand the intricacies of the language.
I can suggest that you should go for a literary or classic start as following:

[FONT=Palatino Linotype][COLOR=Navy][SIZE=3][B]The hues of autumn leaves,from brown to orange and from red to yellow, the full blooming of flowers in spring and the chirping of birds, and the solitary snowman meditating in winter, if it were not for variety and diversity, this life would have lost its charm to monotony. [/B][/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT][FONT=Palatino Linotype][COLOR=Navy][SIZE=3][B]Variety is the spice of life, the very soul of being alive![/B][/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT] ( I just wrote it now, may be you can find some mistakes in it and pardon me for this)

You can take a start like this, see, the above starting sentence is so full of variety and deiversity, that it goes well with the topic, this you have to prove in this type of question that yes, you can grab the mood of the topic and write about it.

[B][U]2. [/U][/B]The following sentence of yours is grammatically correct, but it lacks the taste of any classical writing: QUOTE:
[B]"[U]Various [/U]planets, [U]various[/U] continents, [U]various[/U] countries, [U]various[/U] climates, [U]various[/U] cultures, [U]various[/U] civilizations, [U]various[/U] languages, etc. make this world beautiful, enchanting and worth-living for its [COLOR=Navy][U]various[/U][/COLOR] inhabitants."[/B]

The use of the word "various" gives a bad taste, you should use some VARIETY of words instead of this, and this word is repeated many times, just avoid it in paragraph writing.

You can write it like this:

[FONT=Palatino Linotype][COLOR=Navy][SIZE=3][B]Various continents and countries, languages and cultures, the different and diversified civilizations and customs make this world a beautiful place to live in.[/B][/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]

[B]3. [/B]This sentence of yours,[B] "There is no static factor which makes man a symbol of ‘uniformity’. Variety encircles him and makes him dynamic"[/B] is a good one :)

[B]4. [/B]The end sentences of yours is a good effort;
[B][COLOR=Navy]Variety[/COLOR] fills color in the checkered picture of life but [COLOR=DarkRed]uniformity[/COLOR] fades it. [COLOR=Navy]Variety[/COLOR] brings happiness and pleasure in life but [COLOR=DarkRed]uniformity[/COLOR] slowly poisons it. In short , [COLOR=Navy]variety [/COLOR]is the soul of pleasure and pleasure is the soul of life.[/B]
Just want to suggest to you regarding this that don't repaet a word to much like in the above case, Variety and Uniformity.
You can use Diversity, different, distinct instead of this single word. And for Uniformity, you can use Monotony, dryness and colourlessness.
[COLOR=DarkSlateGray]
[FONT=Palatino Linotype][SIZE=3][COLOR=DarkGreen][B]Hope that you have not mind my dissection of your paragraph :pp[/B][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR]

Regards,
Nonchalant!

@Nonchalant

That's like the spirit i was expecting from the seniors.:)

Thank you very much for analyzing my work in so much detail and for suggesting me useful tips.

After completing computer engineering, i have been out of touch from the books and studies for almost 2 years because of job. So it was my first attempt to testify myself.

i will definitely try to digest the points you have raised in your comments. And i am optimistic to get improved with the passage of time and with your good guideline.

Anyway thanks again for being so cooperative.

[QUOTE=acme]@Nonchalant

That's like the spirit i was expecting from the seniors.:)

Thank you very much for analyzing my work in so much detail and for suggesting me useful tips.

After completing computer engineering, i have been out of touch from the books and studies for almost 2 years because of job. So it was my first attempt to testify myself.
[/QUOTE]

You are welcome..
If it was your very first attempt and being an engineering student as well, I would say that it's a really good effort!
Keep practicing and keep posting your work here, I'll try to help you in paragraph writing....
In the above topic, try to use as many examples from real life as it could fit into it without giving a bad taste like a worm in an apple... :)
[I]Regards,
Nonchalant[/I]

My Attempt;

[B][CENTER]Variety is the Spice of life[/CENTER][/B]

Life is full of colors of different variety. Variety plays a vital role in our life and provide opportunity to choose hot or cold, spicy or sweet, salt or paper, white or black, rolex or rado etc. Variety flourishes the quality of product and increases the competition to build best for the life. Variety is the creation of Almighty God, It exists before creation of world, In Shahi-Bhukari " There are verities of heaven, the most piety will be awarded the best heaven ". If we analyze, We find variety in nature as summer and winter, water as river and sea, rock as sedimentary or igneous, and human as pious and atheist. Sense of human evaluate the varieties and choose the most desire one to enjoy. Variety widens the horizon of life to pick the most you like, among myriads. Life without variety is dull and one sided.

[CENTER]Yolda S. said " Food without variety, is not digestible " [/CENTER]