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  #11  
Old Thursday, August 20, 2009
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@ Adil Memon
Brother I am speechless before your Kindness.They way you have guided me is commendable and i will remain grateful to you always.Thank You Very Much.
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  #12  
Old Friday, August 21, 2009
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Default Children have no childhood in Pakistan

Looking for kind favour .......Please comment

Children Have No Childhood in Pakistan.

The real beauty of life lies in childhood, the infant age characterized by innocence, indifference, purity and peace of mind. Children rarely confront the intricacies of life thus enjoy it to fullest in this age. However, encountering the tough realities may blur the colors of childhood and this situation is quite prevalent in Pakistan.

Our country in flooded with socio-economic evils engulfing the beauties and charms of the innocence. Insufficient recreational opportunities, unavailability of free education, scarce resources and status discrimination prevent the kids to enjoy the life.

Poverty is one of the biggest feuds to young angles forcing them towards physical labour .It snatches the shining smiles and steals the redness of pretty cheeks of kids. Poor law and order situation portray the ugly picture of life and ever rising inflation deter the innocent desires to materialize. Summarily, children fell victim to all social evils either directly or indirectly.

Infant age is crucial in personality development. Freud the father of psychology has said that initial five years of age determine one’s path for his upcoming fifty years so if a child has fulfilled needs at that stage would lead a balanced life. A kid has to grow and ultimately assume the responsibility of real life. They are future of nation and by depriving them from sufficient opportunities of recreation, learning and personality development, we not only stand guilty for snatching colors of infancy but also commit the offence of preparing incapable leadership for future.
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  #13  
Old Friday, August 21, 2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saleeqa Batool
Looking for kind favour .......Please comment

Children Have No Childhood in Pakistan.

The real beauty of life lies in childhood, the infant age characterized by innocence, indifference, purity and peace of mind. Children rarely confront the intricacies of life thus enjoy it to fullest in this age. However, encountering the tough realities may blur the colors of childhood and this situation is quite prevalent in Pakistan.

Our country in flooded with socio-economic evils engulfing the beauties and charms of the innocence. Insufficient recreational opportunities, unavailability of free education, scarce resources and status discrimination prevent the kids to enjoy the life.

Poverty is one of the biggest feuds to young angles forcing them towards physical labour .It snatches the shining smiles and steals the redness of pretty cheeks of kids. Poor law and order situation portray the ugly picture of life and ever rising inflation deter the innocent desires to materialize. Summarily, children fell victim to all social evils either directly or indirectly.

Infant age is crucial in personality development. Freud the father of psychology has said that initial five years of age determine one’s path for his upcoming fifty years so if a child has fulfilled needs at that stage would lead a balanced life. A kid has to grow and ultimately assume the responsibility of real life. They are future of nation and by depriving them from sufficient opportunities of recreation, learning and personality development, we not only stand guilty for snatching colors of infancy but also commit the offence of preparing incapable leadership for future.
I gave it a try...

Highlighted ones range from grammatical errors, inappropriate or in complete expressions, pen-slip mistakes, unnecessarily long sentences...and others...
Note: Beginning was irrelevant, hit the topic in the beginning, dont go hanky panky
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  #14  
Old Friday, August 21, 2009
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@ Sajid A. Balouch

i have tried to remove the mistake please review it once more.

Children Have No Childhood in Pakistan.

The real beauty of life lies in childhood but confronting the hardships of life in this age, blurs its colours and this situation is quite prevalent in Pakistan. Our country is flooded with socio economic problems engulfing the beauties and charms of infancy.

Poverty is the biggest enemy of kids, forcing them to physical labour and depriving them from quality education. A report of Federal Bureau of Statistics reveals that 3.8 Million children of age group 5 to 14 are labouring in Pakistan to support the financial needs of their families. It also discloses that Pakistan is second amongst the countries of world with highest number of children who do not go to school.

Majority of school going children is enrolled either in Government schools are low standard private schools. These schools normally lack the proper facilities of education and recreation and resultantly students remain deprived from quality learning and sufficient opportunities of personality development, according to the needs of modern age.

Infant age is crucial in personality development. Freud, the renowned Psychologist, has said that initial five years of age determine one’s path for his upcoming fifty years. A kid has to grow and ultimately assume the responsibility of real life thus they are future of the nation. By depriving them from sufficient opportunities of recreation, learning and personality development, we not only stand guilty for snatching colors of infancy but also commit the offence of preparing incapable leadership for future.
,
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  #15  
Old Saturday, August 22, 2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saleeqa Batool
@ Sajid A. Balouch

i have tried to remove the mistake please review it once more.

Children Have No Childhood in Pakistan.

The real beauty of life lies in childhood but confronting the hardships of life in this age, blurs its colours and this situation is quite prevalent in Pakistan. Our country is flooded with socio economic problems engulfing the beauties and charms of infancy.

Poverty is the biggest enemy of kids, forcing them to physical labour and depriving them from quality education. A report of Federal Bureau of Statistics reveals that 3.8 Million children of age group 5 to 14 are labouring in Pakistan to support the financial needs of their families. It also discloses that Pakistan is second amongst the countries of world with highest number of children who do not go to school.

Majority of school going children is enrolled either in Government schools are low standard private schools. These schools normally lack the proper facilities of education and recreation and resultantly students remain deprived from quality learning and sufficient opportunities of personality development, according to the needs of modern age.

Infant age is crucial in personality development. Freud, the renowned Psychologist, has said that initial five years of age determine one’s path for his upcoming fifty years. A kid has to grow and ultimately assume the responsibility of real life thus they are future of the nation. By depriving them from sufficient opportunities of recreation, learning and personality development, we not only stand guilty for snatching colors of infancy but also commit the offence of preparing incapable leadership for future.
,
Good attempt...keep continue your efforts...

I have rephrased it as...(mistakes are welcome )

A big number of children in Pakistan has to live a childhood which is devoid of its beauties. The childhood of children gets spoiled as they have to face the hardships being caused by the socio-economic challenges prevalent in Pakistan. The country is flooded with immense challenges which tend to wither the beauties and charms of childhood, particularly of those belonging to poor strata.

The menace of poverty leads to child labour which affects the education prospects of these children in Pakistan. A report of Federal Bureau of Statistics reveals that 3.8 Million children of age group 5 to 14 are labouring in Pakistan to meet the financial needs of their families. It also discloses that Pakistan is second amongst the countries of the world having highest number of children who do not go to school. The state of the affairs deprive children of the beauties of their tender age.

Majority of school going children is enrolled either in government schools or in low standard private schools. These schools normally lack the proper facilities which badly affect learning, personality development and other needs of children.

Infant age is crucial in personality development. Freud, the renowned Psychologist, has said that initial five years of age determine one’s path for his upcoming fifty years. The above-mentioned children in Pakistan generally lack proper attention in these basic years of his growth. By depriving children from sufficient opportunities of recreation, learning and personality development, we not only stand guilty for snatching their colours of infancy but also commit the offence of preparing incapable leadership for future.

Note:
dear improve structures...dont lengthen sentences...one sentence for one idea, and two for two...mention the topic in between your writing to show your relevance with the topic...Other tips with other writings...till then chao chao
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  #16  
Old Saturday, August 22, 2009
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Default We learn from history that we don’t learn from history.

i have no words to pay my gratitude to the seniors for the valuable guidance they provided me to improve my writing skills.Here goes my next attempt in which i have made utmost effort to write in the light of your guidance.



We learn from history that we don’t learn from history.



The modern world may turn in to heaven if history is regarded as torch-bearer. However it never happened in the history of mankind. The thrust for material pursuits always set aside the lessons of history that resulted into the recurrence of blunders historically proved as lethal and disastrous.

History enlightens that nothing is eternal in this world but human acts. The brutal rulers, of their times, ultimately departed their lives. Their acts were prosecuted in the impartial court of history to decide their place in it. Many of them were convicted ruthlessly and their name affixed on the dark pages of history. Nevertheless, no lesson was learnt and that brutality continued to prevail in the coming periods.

History also acknowledges and appreciates the services rendered for betterment of humanity. There is a galaxy of stars sparkling on the bright pages of history. These shining stars devoted their lives for the cause of humanity. History rewarded them irrespective of their social and monetary status. Socrates was a stone cutter but he devoted his life to preach truth against cruelty of ruthless rule. He was humiliated and sentenced to death but history honored him. Today he is remembered as a great philosopher and a dignified person. His opponents were lost in the ocean of time and no one knows their names.

History proceeds in just and equitable way. It has proved that human values of love, justice and dignity prevail in the long run over the momentary delights. This turbulent world would transform in to a peaceful, progressive and prosperous one, when human beings stared learning from history.
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  #17  
Old Sunday, August 23, 2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saleeqa Batool
i have no words to pay my gratitude to the seniors for the valuable guidance they provided me to improve my writing skills.Here goes my next attempt in which i have made utmost effort to write in the light of your guidance.



We learn from history that we don’t learn from history.



The modern world may turn in to heaven if history is regarded as torch-bearer. However it never happened in the history of mankind.The thrust for material pursuits always set aside the lessons of history that resulted into the recurrence of blunders historically proved as lethal and disastrous.

History enlightens that nothing but human acts are eternal. The brutal rulers, of their times, ultimately departed their lives. Their acts were prosecuted in the impartial court of history to decide their place in it. Many of them were convicted ruthlessly and their name affixed on the dark pages of history. Nevertheless, no lesson was learnt and that brutality continued to prevail in the coming periods.

History also acknowledges and appreciates the services rendered for betterment of humanity. There is a galaxy of stars sparkling on the bright pages of history. These shining stars devoted their lives for the cause of humanity. History rewarded them irrespective of their social and monetary status. Socrates was a stone cutter but he devoted his life to preach the truth against cruelty of ruthless rule. He ishumiliated and sentenced to death but history honored him. Today he is remembered as a great philosopher and a dignified person. His opponents were lost in the ocean of time and no one knows their names.

History proceeds in just and equitable way. It has proved that human values of love, justice and dignity prevail in the long run over the momentary delights. This turbulent world would transform in to a peaceful, progressive and prosperous one, when human beings started learning from history.
Note:little or no attention is suspected in this attempt...except underlined ones it seemed irrelevant...keep the topic in mind...you can do it...write and write...hopeful attempt even then...
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  #18  
Old Monday, August 24, 2009
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Please comment

Sweet are the uses of adversity


Harmful effect of adversity can be transformed into sweet results by developing a positive prospective and optimistic approach.. The realities of life, its evil nature, and harsh truths are visible only when one passes through a phase of adversity. Adversity can shake us out of routine thinking and compels towards introspection. It reveals one flaws and shortcomings. So, once confronted with failure, one can learn to overcome the obstacles and head towards the success.

The high achievers always taste the bitterness of failure before reaching the zenith of majesty. Ultimately they could hit the target with confidence they had set before, when they exercised patience. Sir Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in jail and during this period he emerged as a potent symbol of freedom. His struggle in the adverse conditions earned him honor and respect across the globe.

Our own leader Quide Azam Muhammad Ali Jinnah set the example of founding a new state in the face of intense opposition from the Rulers and other influential forces. He had to fight on multiple fronts. But, these adversities strengthened his commitment instead of being hurdle in his way.

Adverse situation offers the best opportunities to prove one’s mettle. Those who learn the art of making their way in the worst conditions, never fail during the ordinary course of time. Unfavorable condition always carries positive aspects, but under the veil. One should strive to unveil the positive sides and continue the journey instead of laying down the arms before it. In this way, adversity may prove a blessing in disguise.
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Last edited by Princess Royal; Thursday, September 17, 2009 at 05:58 PM.
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  #19  
Old Monday, August 24, 2009
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Default Better than last

Saleeqa Batool,
You have improved more than the first paragragh.
You had commited many grammatical mistakes in the last but this is better than that.
there was no any logic from the beggining but this is to the point.
i encourage you to write more and more.this will imrpove your written skills.
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  #20  
Old Monday, August 24, 2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saleeqa Batool

Sweet are the uses of adversity


Harmful effect of adversity can be transformed into sweet results by developing a positive, prospective and optimistic approach. The realities of life, its evil nature, and harsh truths are visible only when one passes through a phase of adversity. Adversity can shake us out of routine thinking and compels towards introspection. It reveals one flaws and shortcomings. So, once confronted with failure, one can learn to overcome the obstacles and head towards the success.

The high achievers always taste the bitterness of failure before reaching the zenith of majesty. Ultimately they could hit the target with confidence they had set before, when they exercised patience. Sir Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in jail and during this period he emerged as a potent symbol of freedom. His struggle in the adverse conditions earned him honor and respect across the globe.

Our own leader Quide Azam Muhammad Ali Jinnah set the example of founding a new state in the face of intense opposition from the Rulers and other influential forces
. He had to fight on multiple fronts. But, these adversities strengthened his commitment instead of being hurdle in his way.

Adverse situation offers the best opportunities to prove one’s mettle. Those who learn the art of making their way in the worst conditions, never fail during the ordinary course of time. Unfavorable condition always carries positive aspects, but under the veil. One should strive to unveil the positive sides and continue the journey instead of laying down the arms before it. In this way, adversity may prove a blessing in disguise.
buddy, i don't like students who repeat the same mistakes.

in my previous suggestions, i had asked you to keep it simple. don't try to stuff in english phrases. rather than impressing the reader it exposes your weakness in the language. e.g. what is this "Zenith of majesty"?

i've been strict in my checking this time. and i have highlighted/coloured the parts which contained grammatical errors, or could have been better or lacked maturity.

i shall leave it to you to point out your mistakes.

regards,

saleeqa batool,

let me add that i like the spirit with which you've been composing these passages and posting them. believe me, while i was preparing for the exams, i simply hated these things.

i didn't compose as many passages during my entire study period as you've done within the last few days.

keep it up!

regards,
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Last edited by Shooting Star; Wednesday, May 09, 2012 at 12:09 AM. Reason: merged
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