plz comment
 

[B]RELIGION IS THE ONLY FORCE THAT CAN KEEP PEOPLE TOGETHER
BUT IT SEEMS TO HAVE FAILED TO DO SO IN OUR COUNTRY
[/B]
According to this statement religious is the basis, which keeps people together. But its failed in our beloved country Pakistan.Islam was spread on the basis of creating harmony and Equality among the people. But today there are different sects in our country with his own belief and motive. Moreover, in our country Pakistan there lives a people of different classes, which have created disparity among the people. Islam gives a massage of brotherhood but today in our country one Muslim kills another Muslim to fulfill his innate desire. History reveals that Pakistan got independence on the basis of different religion. As Mohammad Ali Jinnah said in one of his historical speech that this country Pakistan is created so that every man of this country can practice his own religion. But the irony is that different parties today control our beloved country Pakistan. And when one party wins election it makes those policies, which can benefit the people of their own party.If one follows the guidance provided by our Allah (SWT) then it would not only help in solving all the problems, which our country is facing today.

Dear amubin it is very good try. Keep it up.

Please try to improve your grammer structure alongwith enhancing your expresson skills, for which you need to read good articles in newspapers and good books. If you are appearing for CSS-2010 thn dont roam around in search of good books and concentrate on newspaper articles.

I have tried to improve your paragraph as under:

- - -
RELIGION IS THE ONLY FORCE THAT CAN KEEP PEOPLE TOGETHER
BUT IT SEEMS TO HAVE FAILED TO DO SO IN OUR COUNTRY

"Over annals of history I have found that it is the only power of Islam, which united Muslims in their difficuilt and hard times." - Allama Iqbal

It is an undeniable fact that Islam is a complete living code providing guidance on every aspect of human life. Islam teaches us peace, harmony, unity and cohesion, so that Muslim folk can be yoked together in an unbreakable bond (brotherhood and akhoowat). It is narrated from AnHazrat (PBUH) that Muslims are like bricks in a building, wherein agony and pain of a unit is felt in every nook and corner of the building and every Muslim rushes to help their distressed brethren. However, it seems that Islamic concept of unity have failed in our beloved country Pakistan, which was achieved on the name of Islam so that Pakistanis will live their lives in peace and tranquility as per its pristine injunctions. Quaid-e-Azam Mohammad Ali Jinnah, in his historical speeches, explicitly said that this country Pakistan is created so that we can experiment Islamic concepts and beliefs in befitting manner safeguarding interests of every minority. But we have forgotten Islamic concepts and beleifs and divided ourselves into castes, creeds and sects, which have created disparity and anarchy in the country. We have set aside the beautiful massage of brotherhood and a Muslim is killing another Muslim on the name of religion and trying to enforce one's own blend of Islam, which-in fact- has nothing to do with the essence of Islam. Nonetheless, it is not late even now, if we want to have peace and prosperity in our beloved country then we must follow beliefs and guidelines given by Almighty Allah in shape of Islam....

Thanks alot tabassum

I am also trying to ameliorate my Expression.

Inshallah you will see improvement in my next Expansion.

Here goes my attempt;

Asalam-o-Alikum

Kindly comment; Specially Tabassum Shabir Awan.

[B][CENTER]RELIGION IS THE ONLY FORCE THAT CAN KEEP PEOPLE TOGETHER
BUT IT SEEMS TO HAVE FAILED TO DO SO IN OUR COUNTRY[/CENTER][/B]

People revolves around the religion like; electron revolves around the nucleus. Religion keeps people to stand beside each other whether black or white, arab or no-arab, eastern or western, young or old; together as a force to face the challenges and bewildering difficulties. In Deen-i-Islam, ALLAH says in Holy Qur'an (3,180) " Stand fast together, and hold the rope of ALLAH which stretches (for you)". But unfortunately, People of our country forgot the message of their religion; They are more interested to indulge in illicit acts, corruptions, and prohibited things. The cause behind their downfall is lack of their knowledge of religion.They only know how to read Holy Qur'an, but they don't know what does it mean; Its like an example of playing with machine without reading manual, than their is majority of chances to cause some damage to the machine; Similarly, which can we evaluate from our current condition of country. People of our country are scattered, secular, mis leaded, and corrupt; Just because of lack of religious knowledge; and their indulgence of worldly affairs keeps them busy to not let realize the truth of religion. In a nutshell, Religion is two eyes of a man to stand beside co-religionists as a force against a common enemy.

brother u haved used word secular which is totally irrelevent(i think so) there is need to go deep into that word i dont think so it is suitable here.

[QUOTE=sparkofighter;154238]brother u haved used word secular which is totally irrelevent(i think so) there is need to go deep into that word i dont think so it is suitable here.[/QUOTE]

Brother,

Thanks for reading my attempt,

According to my little knowledge Secular means:

1. of or relating to worldly as opposed to sacred things; temporal
2. not concerned with or related to religion

If we take these meaning for the word (Secular) as used in my sentence, than it is right, according to me. :wub:


Regards,

(1) (SECULAR)Of or relating to the doctrine that rejects religion and religious considerations.
(2)Secularity (adjective form secular) is the state of being separate from religion.

IF WE look at word its basic concept give us religion kind of attitude. ur word is also ok but i think better word for ur stence is "Materialistic".

THANKS for Ur response

@ bunko, first of all try to improve your expression and learn usage of punctation, for example you have used semi-colon indiscriminately.

secondly, the examiner is asking for islamic concept to the context of our country, so confine your sentences to these things. You have started your para from religion as a whole and in later sentences mixed many different things, which is giving an impression of badly cooked haleem. Good mixture can be good haleem and tastes good but bad mixture of things tastes sour, therefore, you must used accurate words e.g. bewlidering difficuilties, ilicit acts, prohibited things, knowledge of religion (we need knowledge as well as practice), machine example, religion is two eyes of man etc. these all words were either not required in your paragraph or were placed wrongly.

thirdly, you must have to conclude our paragraph properly. This is not a good conclusion/end:

""In a nutshell, Religion is two eyes of a man to stand beside co-religionists as a force against a common enemy.""

sparkofighter has also guided you well.

Hope you will try to improve paragraph writing.

Best of luck.

[QUOTE=Tabassum Shabbir Awan;154290]@ bunko, first of all try to improve your expression and learn usage of punctation, for example you have used semi-colon indiscriminately.

secondly, the examiner is asking for islamic concept to the context of our country, so confine your sentences to these things. You have started your para from religion as a whole and in later sentences mixed many different things, which is giving an impression of badly cooked haleem. Good mixture can be good haleem and tastes good but bad mixture of things tastes sour, therefore, you must used accurate words e.g. bewlidering difficuilties, ilicit acts, prohibited things, knowledge of religion (we need knowledge as well as practice), machine example, religion is two eyes of man etc. these all words were either not required in your paragraph or were placed wrongly.

thirdly, you must have to conclude our paragraph properly. This is not a good conclusion/end:

""In a nutshell, Religion is two eyes of a man to stand beside co-religionists as a force against a common enemy.""

sparkofighter has also guided you well.

Hope you will try to improve paragraph writing.

Best of luck.[/QUOTE]

Dear,

I Do not agree with you for two reasons,

1) Topic is Religion, Not ISLAM. In Pakistan, there are many different religions i.e Hindu, Jainism, Ahmedi etc. I want you read the topic again and again, there is nowhere mentioned that Examiner is asking about Islam.
2) Punctuations are correct and requirement of my passage, because of continuity of concept.


And I Hope, Someday you will get the Blue Ribbon.


Regards,

Plz also Check my expansion
 

Unity is the true spirit of Islam. Islam is a binding force which unites the Muslims of whole world, not only Pakistan, on a single platform. It defines common goals and provides the guidelines helpful for achieving the objectives. Fourteen hundred years ago, Muhammad (PBUH) set up an Islamic society based on fraternity and brotherhood, and all the Muslims were its members. Brotherhood is an Islamic concept which unites the Muslims, and obliges them to protect and support their Muslim brethren. However, it is obligatory to follow the principles and guidelines of Islam to activate its force of unity. Unfortunately, Muslims have deviated themselves from this basic line of action for which they now are disunited , divided among various ethnic and sectarian groups. They have originated their self-goals and vested interests conflicting with each others’ goals and interests. Either they have aligned themselves with western way of living or with self-defined religious practices creating distinct path of life. Most of them are involved in conflicts of no worth. Their conflicting interests have formed the basic reason of their division. That’s why; Islam is not successful in uniting the Muslims of Pakistan as they have deviated themselves from the correct path laid by Islam.