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#1
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Members! Comment on my "Man is the architect of his own fate"
Following is my attempt on the expansion of the topic "Man is the architect of his own fate".
Every member, be it senior or junior, is requested to review and comment. If you are unable to manage time to analyse critically or suggest improvements, then just post your overall impression. Your cooperation, even if it is in the form of shortest possible remark, will be highly appreciated. Waiting for the response with great anticipation. Regards |
#2
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Your expansion is good; your expression is clear.
But ,according to Urooj,there must be three examples from real life ;what your expansion seems to lack in. http://www.cssforum.com.pk/css-compu...tml#post114684 Quote:
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The Following User Says Thank You to nageen For This Useful Post: | ||
Andrew Dufresne (Sunday, November 22, 2009) |
#3
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Thanks Nageen
Quote:
I will definitely try to include examples in my expansions. What sort of examples one can mention on such topic? Any suggestions? I mean, considering the cap on number of words, we have to give such example which is short and is fairly well known, so that our views are delivered in minimum possible words. Right? Now, what such example can be for the topic "Man is the architect of his own fate"? On a side note, the number of words in my original expansion is 325. Regards |
#4
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You can give example of Alexander the great from history ,while of Bill Gates from modern world.
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The Following User Says Thank You to nageen For This Useful Post: | ||
Andrew Dufresne (Sunday, November 22, 2009) |
#5
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Dear Members,
I would appreciate if someone else too shares his opinion. That's the only way I will improve. Hope this time my request will not go unheeded. Regards |
#6
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@Andrew Dufrense
A very good try. Some comments: 1. Your expansion should have one paragraph. While it contains 3 paragraphs. 2. It is a bit longer than required. 3. Sometimes it is useful to include examples. In your case I didnt felt any need for that. However during exams you may encounter such expansions where you may run out of the ideas, so you can fill that gap by giving examples. 4. A nice flow of ideas and I appreciate it. Regards |
The Following User Says Thank You to New Student For This Useful Post: | ||
Andrew Dufresne (Monday, November 23, 2009) |
#7
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Quote:
Quote:
What if, instead of four, I had done it in three paragraphs - introduction, body, conclusion? What do you suggest? How about I write introduction and conclusion in black and body in blue ink? I will practice for brevity then. Is there any negative marking for long pieces? What could be the consequences? Quote:
Sorry if my questions appear naive, I would appreciate further guidance. Regards |
#8
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@Andrew Dufrense
1. You said "Well actually, my idea was to keep introduction, body and conclusion separated. Now if we join all in one, don't you think examiner will have difficulty in identifying them? What if, instead of four, I had done it in three paragraphs - introduction, body, conclusion? What do you suggest? How about I write introduction and conclusion in black and body in blue ink?" Well problem is that you are constrained to write it all in one paragrapgh. Although personally I like your pattern. But what really matters is examiner's view about your expansion. 2. You said "is there any negative marking for long pieces? What could be the consequences?" It is purely a subjective issue. One examiner may not consider it, while other may penalize you. So depends on your luck too. 3. You said "Sorry if my questions appear naive, I would appreciate further guidance." Brother as my id states I am a newstudent and really I am. I want to learn as well as help anyone who wants to learn. So nothing naive. You are always welcome. Regards |
The Following User Says Thank You to New Student For This Useful Post: | ||
Andrew Dufresne (Monday, November 23, 2009) |
#9
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Quote:
Quote:
Touche! Quote:
I will look forward to your reviews on my next expansions. Wish you success in your pursuits. Regards |
The Following User Says Thank You to Andrew Dufresne For This Useful Post: | ||
New Student (Monday, November 23, 2009) |
#10
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Andrew dufresne
Awesome Effort! You have good expression. I would only suggest you that not to indulge in verbose. The verbose way of writing can lean a person to get low marks. Many CSP's of the forum has laid stress on this point. Other few points have already cleard by Brother Newstudent. Reverence |
The Following User Says Thank You to AUDACIOUS For This Useful Post: | ||
Andrew Dufresne (Monday, November 23, 2009) |
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