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Old Monday, May 30, 2011
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Default Variety is the spice of life.

Please criticise.

VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE.

One of the most essential component of life is variety. The variety of opinions, variety of experiences and the variety of lifestyle made the development of our civilization possible. Had there been no variety in life, our lives would have been monotonous: filled with boredom.

Variety, therefore, is an indispensible part of life. Journey of our civilization from caveman to modern day human became possible only because of variety. For example, Thomous Edison invented electric bulb. Though it was a marvellous invention, scientists however, were not satisfied with it. Hence they made amendments in its shape and functions. Consequently, they developed more sophisticated forms of electric bulbs today we have. Further, it is because of variety that Will Durant preferred to be a philosopher, while John Keats loved composing poetry. This clearly illustrates the importance of variety in life.

As such, the world would have experienced a standstill in the absence of variety. Growth and development of human culture and society would have been impossible. There would have been no joy, no colour to life, had there been no variety in life. Thus, it becomes evident that variety makes the life interesting and worth living.
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Old Monday, May 30, 2011
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Default Keep it up

good job Chulbull..
Nicely written, easy to understand.
One thing to tell you.
You should've explained it in somewhat greater detail because it ends too early.
One thing to ask you. Is it colour to life or colour in life?
A good job, I would say it again. Keep practicing. You're on a distinguished path. Stay blessed.
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Old Thursday, June 02, 2011
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Default

.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chulbullpandey View Post
Please criticise.

VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE.

One of the most essential component(s) of life is variety.(don't put the example just after the topic sentence.write some sentences so as to support your thesis sentence and then ur examples) The variety of opinions, variety of experiences and the variety of lifestyle(Sir, rewrite it as: the variety of opinions, experiences, and life style) made the development of our(it is suggested not to use ours here.write:islamic civilization.) civilization possible. Had there been no variety in life, our(muslims') lives would have been monotonous: filled with boredom.

(sir write this sentence in the first para because the very sentence is concluding ur first pra)Variety, therefore, is an indispensible part of life. Journey of our civilization from caveman to modern day human became possible only because of variety. For example, Thomous Edison invented electric bulb. Though it was a marvellous invention, scientists however were not satisfied with it(is this contribution of our civilization.indeed, it is of westerners'). Hence, they made amendments in its shape and functions. Consequently, they developed more sophisticated forms of electric bulbs today we(sir try to use third person as per rule.) have. Further, it is because of variety that Will Durant,a passionate philosopher, preferred to be a philosopher, while John Keats loved composing poetry. This clearly illustrates the importance of variety in life.

As such, the world would have experienced a standstill in the absence of variety. Growth and development of human culture and society would have been impossible. There would have been no joy, no colour to life,(life would have been devoid of colours and happinesses) had there been no variety in life. Thus, it becomes evident(it becomes clear) that variety makes the life interesting and worth living.
dear, there were several flaws.i have pursued the piece of writing.apart from highlighted mistakes,there were many other violation of rules in the expansion.
-the example of civilization is overstated.
-the paragraphs are not organized properly.
-Again, overuse of transisional words.esp, in last para.
sir i don't have net facility therefore i could not check ur expansion so often.
-sir u can sms me ur expansions at my number 03*********. u can send me ur writings during 9-10pm.
t.c panday
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Last edited by Silent.Volcano; Friday, June 03, 2011 at 01:22 AM. Reason: Please share ur contact info through profile only
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Old Friday, June 03, 2011
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Wink Opposed!

Dear Kamran, your critical analysis of my previous expansion helped me alot, so will this. However, I need to register some reservations here.
1. Why islam, sir? We are muslims, but by no standards does it mean that we are a great civilisation. Secondly, why to exclude western civilization? Why not to be inclusive?
2. I'm sorry I could not get your point regarding organisation of paragraphs. Would you please throw some light? It will be a great favour if you reorganise it for me.
3. Transitional words? What are these? I'm sorry brother, I'm very weak at grammar. Do not take it as a joke. I'm serious. I've never attended any grammar school, nor did anyone teach me. I'm from a government school where teachers themselves hardly know what they are teaching. Please elaborate this transitional word thing and do mention how often we should use such words.
Last but not the least sir, I'd written a sentence describing many things at one time without using conjunction, you'd highlighted that. Your point is valid though, i've read many standard pieces of writing with such structures. How would you negate my claim?
And sir, please share your contact number once again via my email. I'm sorry, before i could check updates here, your number was edited. I hope you won't mind.
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