[QUOTE=Ahmed Faisal;704251]As you said it is your first expansion, so we can ignore your mistakes. But it would be better your mistakes be highlighted so that you may correct yourself. What I can see in your expansion is lack of coherency, relevancy and good grammar. You need to keep few things in your mind about expansion. First, when you expand any saying or quotation, the first thing you should do is to write, in the first or introductory paragraph, the meaning of quotation and explain it later. Next comes the second paragraph in which you can add relevant examples which further support your expansion. Two or three examples are sufficient. The third paragraph is your conclusion in which you sum up the whole expansion. Your expansion better be of three paragraphs but you may stretch it to five. Secondly, try to avoid giving Islamic touch to your expansion unless it is the requirement. It is because examiner wants something different and unconventional. It has been observed that majority of the candidates give Islamic examples because of lack of knowledge. Your task should be to write something different and unique. Now you can write the same expansion again with the help of given suggestions and then see the difference.[/QUOTE]

I second....

Plus, I want to add that in an expansion length matters a lot. So try to expand your expansion up to 300 words. Besides, use some idioms and be very crystal clear. As it is your first expansion, so that's why you lack in coherence, continuity and smooth language. Mind one thing that while you are attempting your expansion; you have to be yourself, attempt it with your own examples which must be based on logical and analytical tendency. Well said by faisal that attempt it once again as per given suggestions and inshllah you will see the difference. Last but not the least, try to use simple and clear language in the beginning state.

Wish you best of luck...

@Shuaib & A:Salam,,,,, dears so far you have not attempted your expansions!

Thanks.

[QUOTE=exclusively;704391]I second....

Plus, I want to add that in an expansion length matters a lot. So try to expand your expansion up to 300 words. Besides, use some idioms and be very crystal clear. As it is your first expansion, so that's why you lack in coherence, continuity and smooth language. Mind one thing that while you are attempting your expansion; you have to be yourself, attempt it with your own examples which must be based on logical and analytical tendency. Well said by faisal that attempt it once again as per given suggestions and inshllah you will see the difference. Last but not the least, try to use simple and clear language in the beginning state.

Wish you best of luck...

@Shuaib & A:Salam,,,,, dears so far you have not attempted your expansions!

Thanks.[/QUOTE]

W.Salam Dear Bro Actually i have written the expansion. Due electricity cut i was unable to upload. Bro im now wriiting the expansion at ms word and i will upload within 30 mints. Sorry For late bro........

First deserve than desire[SIZE="5"][/SIZE]

God has bestowed the human with a gift of life and intellectuality as well. Meanwhile, human by nature has got bundle of desires, and to cater these desires human does not bother to cross the moral limits. Consequently, he indulges in social evils, theft, robbery to fulfill his illegal desire. Hence, the proposition sums up the hard reality of life. In this context, the adage implies the term deserve in the sense of some genuine resources, capability and self confidence. Nonetheless, these are the prerequisite elements to materialize the desire; otherwise a wish would merely a wish. Likewise a renowned writer quoted, “If wants were horses even beggars would ride”.

The Scientists marked their feet on the surface of the moon which was considered beyond imagination. Meanwhile, ships have been parading on the waves of ocean by enslaving the tides of ocean. In archaic, man was dependent on the mercy of nature; storms, earthquakes, floods, endemic diseases and other natural disasters had led the mankind at the brink of destruction. Aftermath the scientists came up with a pragmatic approach by making themselves capable and equipped with modern technical techniques to eradicate the roots of all ills, which endangered the biosphere on earth. Nonetheless, scientists did not merely desire but they worked hard, burnt their midnight oil to materialize the desire.

Moreover, the charismatic leaders of the world who brought revolution in the conservative and bigot societies with their capabilities and assiduous efforts. In this context our national hero Mohammad Ali Jinnah had not merely a desire of separate home land for Indian Muslims but he worked day and night and made himself firm determined to cater the desire. Finally he got decisive victory in achieving the separate home for Muslims named as Pakistan.

Furthermore, it is desire of every one to have three b’s big bungalow, big car, and bank balance. However, to materialize the desire one must have sufficient economic resources; otherwise it is merely a unfulfilled desire. In this context, the resources, capability are milestone to mould the wish in the desired shape. In the nutshell, the proposition is wisely quoted and reveals that deserving, is the only tool that perpetuate the cycle of genuine desires.

[CENTER][/CENTER][SIZE="5"][B][U]Every cloud has a silver lining[/U][/B][/SIZE]

It is an obvious fact that the life of man is in a continuous dynamic state. Happiness and sorrows are alternating phenomena of life. When man is afflicted with adversities of life, he feels disheartened and soon loses hope. He does not realize that the difficult times are short lived and soon will be followed by moments of joy and happiness. This proverb unveils to man that there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
It is a fact that every man encounters hardships in some point of his life. Many people, in such situations, become frustrated and depressed and adopt a pessimist attitude about life. Such persons, when overwhelmed by the miseries, start to curse their fate. On the other hand, there are a few people who do not stop struggling in such times and counter the miseries of life with resilience and courage. They approach life with optimism and find opportunity in every difficulty. In fact, adversities demonstrate the hard realities of life and the real mettle of man is tested at such times. Thus, it provides an opportunity to man to develop a strong will power and determination. All the great leaders of the world encountered immense obstacles in their path, but they stood firm on their feet and toiled incessantly to get their goals. During Pakistan movement, the Muslims of the subcontinent faced atrocities and wrath of both the Hindus and the English, but they did not lose hope and struggled hard against all the odds, giving their blood and treasure, and eventually got independence to form a separate Muslim state. Nelson Mandela, the renowned reformist of South Africa, was imprisoned for life for his activism to the cause of equality of his fellow men. Despite the hardships, he continued his endeavour and emerged out as redeemer of his nation. The trials and misfortunes of life reinforce the fortitude and will of man to face coming challenges in a staunch manner. This idea not only applies to man but also to nations as well. People’s Republic of China, once considered a backward and underdeveloped country, worked day and night to become the leading economic icon in the contemporary world.
To conclude, the proverb exhorts that behind every difficulty there is a ray of hope. Therefore, man should not cow down in the hands of hard times and strive hard to steer the course of events in his favour. In this endeavour he should exercise great patience and courage. He should adopt an optimistic view of the world because hardship are momentary and will be followed with moments of relief and happiness. In this way he can increase his productivity and fulfil his goals.

Good Work done by you!
some minor mistakes in your expansion. Over all its written Good.

Every cloud has a silver lining

It is an obvious fact that the life of man is in a continuous dynamic state. Happiness and sorrows are alternating phenomena of life. When [B]a man[/B] is afflicted with adversities of life, he feels disheartened and soon loses hope. He does not realize that the difficult times are short lived and soon will be followed by moments of joy and happiness. This proverb unveils [B]to mean[/B] that there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
It is a fact that every man encounters hardships [B]at some [/B]point of his life. Many people, in such situations, become frustrated and depressed and adopt [B]a pessimistic[/B] attitude about life. Such persons, when overwhelmed by the miseries, start to curse their fate. On the other hand, there are a few people who do not stop struggling in such times and counter the miseries of life with resilience and courage. They approach life with optimism and find opportunity in every difficulty. In fact, adversities demonstrate the hard realities of life and the real mettle of [B]a man[/B] is tested at such times. Thus, it provides an opportunity to man to develop a strong will power and determination. All the great leaders of the world encountered immense obstacles in their path, but they stood firm on their feet and toiled incessantly to get their goals. During Pakistan movement, the Muslims of the subcontinent faced atrocities and wrath of both the Hindus and the English, but they did not lose hope and struggled hard against all the odds, giving their blood and treasure, and eventually got independence to form a separate Muslim state. Nelson Mandela, the renowned reformist of South Africa, was imprisoned for life for his activism [B]for the[/B] cause of equality of his fellow men. Despite the hardships, he continued [B]his endeavor [/B]and emerged out as redeemer of his nation. The trials and misfortunes of life reinforce the fortitude and will of man to face coming challenges in a staunch manner. This idea not only applies to man, but also to nations as well. People’s Republic of China, once considered a backward and underdeveloped country, worked day and night to become the leading economic icon in the contemporary world.
To conclude, the proverb exhorts that behind every difficulty there is a ray of hope. Therefore, man should not cow down in the hands of hard times and strive hard to steer the course of events in his favor. In this endeavor he should exercise great patience and courage. He should adopt an optimistic view of the world because [B]the hardship [/B]is momentary and will be followed [B]by moments [/B]of relief and happiness. In this way he can increase his productivity and fulfil his goals.

[SIZE="5"][B]A man is as rich as he is contented[/B][/SIZE]

The saying describes that the measurement of richness of a person depends on his level of contentment. That is to say that the amount of wealth possessed by him, cannot grant him surety of happiness. Therefore, the wealth of a person is resides in the happiness and composure.

In today’s world, man has distorted the criteria of happiness. He assumes that if he earns more money, he will be satisfied. Thus, he yearns for temporal possessions and seeks luxuries of life. But unfortunately, this practice have brought even more frustration and anxiety to him. The pursuit of affluence traps man in the quagmire of greed and selfishness, who then indulge into immoral means to fulfill their desires. Almost everyone is heard to say that if he were as rich as someone richer than him with whom he envy, he would be happy. Give that person the amount of money that he wants, and he will find another person, richer than him, to envy with and remain as discontented as ever. This is because the hunger of desires is insatiable, the more he gets, the more he wants.

Contentment is a state of mind which depends more on one’s approach than on one’s possessions. It is usually attained by the persons, who remain grateful of all the blessings upon them and possess the spirit of serving the humanity. The blessings can be in the form of good health, a loving family, good friends, and the fulfillment of basic necessities. This can be realized by comparing oneself to those who are less fortunate. Harboring compassion and helping the poor section of society from one’s own hard earned money or through social services, also brings comfort to one’s mind. The pursuit of riches will escalate the internal unrest of mind, which can be overcome by adopting philanthropic approach.

It is apparent that the real wealth of man is his level of satisfaction in life. Thus, it is unrelated to his bank balance and the luxuries of life but rather depends on his approach towards life. Therefore, it would be a wise choice not to run blindly after the riches, instead adopting an approach as to fulfill one’s basic needs and serving the cause of humanity to one’s capacity. This will help to eliminate social evils, while love and brotherhood will flourish in the world.

So many days have passed and not a even a single review :(
Kindly evaluate my expansion.

Sent from my AMOI N821 using Tapatalk

[QUOTE=kinglibra;705875][SIZE="5"][B]A man is as rich as he is contented[/B][/SIZE]

The saying describes that the measurement of richness of a person depends on his level of contentment. That is to say that the amount of wealth possessed by him, cannot grant him surety of happiness. Therefore, the wealth of a person [B]is resides [/B]in the happiness and composure.

In today’s world, man has distorted the criteria of happiness. He assumes that if he earns more money, he will be satisfied. Thus, he yearns for temporal possessions and seeks luxuries of life. But unfortunately, this practice [B]have brought[/B] even more frustration and anxiety to him. The pursuit of affluence traps man in the quagmire of greed and selfishness, who then [B]indulge[/B] into immoral means to fulfill [B]their desires[/B]. Almost [B]everyone is heard to[/B] say that if he were as rich as someone richer than him [B]with whom he envy,[/B] he would be happy. Give that person the amount of money that he wants, and he will find another person, richer than him, to envy with and remain as discontented as ever. This is because the hunger of desires is insatiable, the more he gets, the more he wants.

Contentment is a state of mind which depends more on one’s approach than on one’s possessions. It is usually attained by the persons, who remain grateful of all the blessings upon them and possess the spirit of serving the humanity. The blessings can be in the form of good health, a loving family, good friends, and the fulfillment of basic necessities. This can be realized by comparing oneself to those who are less fortunate. Harboring compassion and helping the poor section of society from one’s own hard earned money or through social services, also brings comfort to one’s mind. The pursuit of riches will escalate the internal unrest of mind, which can be overcome by adopting philanthropic approach.

It is apparent that the real wealth of man is his level of satisfaction in life. Thus, it is unrelated to his bank balance and the luxuries of life but rather depends on his approach towards life. Therefore, it would be a wise choice not to run blindly after the riches, instead adopting an approach as to fulfill one’s basic needs and serving the cause of humanity to one’s capacity. This will help to eliminate social evils, while love and brotherhood will flourish in the world.[/QUOTE]
[B]
Word count for attempting an expansion in composition paper is 250-300. You have written almost 400 words. It matters a lot, you should write between the told word count. You better shorten it first, and lets see how you beautify it. [/B]

[QUOTE=kinglibra;698852][CENTER][SIZE="5"][B][U]We might not all be great men but we can become better men:[/U][/B][/SIZE][/CENTER]

All men, in this world do not possess an equal set of qualities and attributes. Some people are bestowed with higher intelligence and more abilities than others. Such persons, therefore, leave a mark on the thinking patterns of masses through their brilliant and extraordinary ideas, research and creative works. On the contrary, although, a 'common man' may not be able to contribute to such an extent, yet he can prove beneficial for the society by contributing as much as his talents and skills allow. Through sincere efforts he can render significant services to the society. In this way even the little help by all men will prove much fruitful to the betterment of human society.
Few personalities, equipped with remarkable talents, from the very beginning of their career, show outstanding achievements in their respective fields of expertise. Albert Einstein, Shakespeare, Bacon, Darwin, Isaac Newton, Socrates are few to name. They are considered as the great men of all time, and are remembered today due to their incredible innovations. Practically, it is the nature of their contribution to the world that imparts greatness upon them. It was their work that earned them such reverence. On the other side are the vast majority of people who fall under the category of 'common men'. After having lived their life, their identity starts to fade away and eventually disappears from this world as the time passes by, as if they never existed! If man cannot leave a mark on the sands of time, he at least can become a useful part of the society by extending a helping hand towards his fellows. He can render a great deal of service to the cause of humanity by adopting an attitude of sympathy, compassion and passion towards the poor and the needy. As Mother Teresa has remarked, “Not all of us can do great things, but we can do small things with great love.”, the real greatness comes from extending the arms of love and compassion towards the downtrodden. God did not create man only to live his life running after his material ambitions, rather He assigned man with the duty to follow the path of righteousness and to assist his fellow beings. But in today's technological era, man has become self-centered and ignorant of the moral values that he is bound to follow. It is observance of moral values that separates him from animals. He can prove his humanity through humane behaviour. Islam strongly advocates helping the poor. It focuses very well on human rights and has suggested various ways to fulfil them. One of them is the economical support in the form of 'Zakat'. By giving Zakat, economic disparity in the society can be alleviated and the poor will be able to satisfy their basic needs. What else can be as great as feeding a hungry child!
Lives of all great men give the lesson that greatness can be found in the acts of love, compassion and dedication for the betterment of the society. For that very purpose the will of the person is crucial. If men were to follow Islamic ideology in its real essence, this world would be free from sorrows and sufferings. In this way a common man can become a better man.[/QUOTE]


[B][SIZE="2"]Lessen the word count. You have written almost 550 words. [/SIZE][/B]

[QUOTE=Aimen khakwani;681418]"The violence of war can be diluted with love"

Love is a chief band through which one can win the hearts of enemies. The power of love cannot be overlooked because it can counter the devastating effects of war. Moreover, it is a magic wand which can heal the wounds with easiness. It is used as a remedy to cure the ills of war. The aftermaths of war are usually devastating in nature. War cultivates fear and terror among people ,but this can be overcomed through the power of love.

History is full of instances which reveal that love is one of the weapons which can be used to change the world. The life of Holy Prophet PBUH is one of the greatest examples for humanity which teach us that love can change the feeling of hatred into love. The chapters of life of Holy Prophet PBuH illuminate human of all ages that love has courage to transform bitter into sweet. The hatred of woman, who used to throw garbage on Holy Prophet, was turned into love just because of the loving nature of Prophet SAW. By the same token, the conquest of Makkah is also an example which teaches one that venomous effects can be tackled nicely through love.

In Short, love can pacify the harsh feelings of enemies. It has an immense power to halt the horrible outcomes of war .Love is a panacea for the disastrous effects of war.[/QUOTE]

[B][SIZE="2"]_ It is good but not up to the mark. You could make it more better.
_ Avoid repeating words and ideas.
_ It looks like an Islamiat Paper.
_ You should add some more lines. These are 230 words.
_ You could give some other examples. Try to add some quotations.
_ As Virgil said, "Love conquers all."
_ And, "Love begets Love."
_ No doubt, quotations are ornaments for an expansion.

Regards'[/SIZE][/B]