Seniors, kindly assess my paragraph "Self done is well done"
 

Excellence is bestowed only to those who have developed the habit of self-reliance. Without seeking for help from others, relying on the own muscles and utilizing the own resources paves the way towards a successful life. Self-dependence makes a man confident, proud and independent.

Self done is always well done because one knows the importance of the task more than anyone else. He has to face the outcomes if the work remains incomplete or not done on time. So, he is the only person who shall find all possible means to achieve the target in the best way. God also helps those who help themselves. So, if he does the work himself, he will surely enjoy the fruit of his struggle.It will raise his morale and make him a noble person who depends upon himself.

Self reliance is the essence of the national sovereignty too. Self-sufficient nations do not look for the foreign assistance and take steps for their people without any fear of others. Instead of being pressurized, they are in a position of taking benefit of their own interest by forcing the developing countries to follow their terms and conditions in the exchange of their aid. The developing countries are starving for foreign aid in order to fulfill the basic needs of their people, so they have no other choice but to tolerate the terms and conditions. As Pakistan had to accept the Kerry Lugar Bill as she needed the US aid. It happened just because the beggars must not be the choosers. Same goes with Afghanistan, Haiti, Taimore, and other third world countries who are at the mercy of the donor countries. If these countries were depending upon own resources and meeting their challenges themselves, they were not be helpless before the developed countries.

Social prestige, integrity, nobility and freedom in all means are the mandatory components of an honourable life both on individual and national level. And the prerequisite for such a respectful life is self doing. So, the saying "self done is well done" can be taken as a universal truth.

[QUOTE=Erum Qureshi;529732]Excellence is bestowed only to those who have developed the habit of self-reliance. Without seeking [COLOR="green"][B]for[/B][/COLOR] [COLOR="Blue"][B](Seek is not followed by a preposition)[/B][/COLOR] help from others, relying on [COLOR="green"][B]the[/B][/COLOR] [COLOR="Blue"][B](No Article is needed here)[/B][/COLOR] own muscles and utilizing[COLOR="green"][B] the[/B][/COLOR] [COLOR="Blue"][B](same fault)[/B][/COLOR] own resources paves the way towards a successful life. Self-dependence makes a man confident, proud and independent.

Self done is always well done because one knows the importance of the task more than anyone else. He has to face the outcomes if the work remains incomplete or not done on time. So, he is the only person who shall find all possible means to achieve the target in the best way. God also helps those who help themselves. So, if he does the work himself, he will surely enjoy the fruit of his struggle.It will raise his morale and make him a noble person who depends upon himself.

Self reliance is the essence of the national sovereignty too. Self-sufficient nations do not look for the foreign assistance and take steps for their people without any fear of others. Instead of being pressurized, they are in a position of taking benefit of their own interest by forcing the developing countries to follow their terms and conditions in the exchange of their aid. The developing countries are starving for foreign aid in order to fulfill the basic needs of their people, so they have no other choice but to tolerate the terms and conditions. As Pakistan had to accept the Kerry Lugar Bill as she needed the US aid. It happened just because the beggars must not be the choosers. Same goes with Afghanistan, Haiti, Taimore, and other third world countries who are at the mercy of the donor countries. If these countries were depending upon own resources and meeting their challenges themselves, they were not be helpless before the developed countries.

Social prestige, integrity, nobility and freedom in all means are the mandatory components of an honourable life both on individual and national level. And the prerequisite for such a respectful life is self doing. So, the saying "self done is well done" can be taken as a universal truth.[/QUOTE]

Dear apart from the grammatical mistakes i pointed out, your para has gone awry, you have lost the perspective from second para to the end. It has got nothing to do with national sovereignty.

The essence of this para is that You know the importance of the task at hand and you know how vital it is to you so you will better take care of it and try to do it in as a better way as you can...and also when you get the job done you are satisfied that at least it is good done, had it done by some other person, he would not take care of it as he is just to get the job done not to get it done the best way...

thanks Bilal

you have rightly as well as timely pointed out my mistakes. I am trying to improve my writing skills but still unable to attain the excellence.

Kindly give me some tips regarding paragraph writing.

regards

Well Erum,

Apart from the mistakes pointed out by Bilal,there are some other mistakes i found in your expansion.You have discussed the two aspects of the topic which is against the rules of the short essay/expansion.In short essay,you have to confine yourself to one side of the topic,either in favour or against as it is not commentary like long essay.Moreover you have harshly criticized the government which aptly can be replaced by sugar-coated criticism.With the exception of these few,your expansion is up to the mark and outstanding.Go by the adage"Practice makes a make perfect"As far as the rules for writing a good expansion are concerned,these are as follow,

1)Address your topic directly,hitting the issue without introduction or background.
2)Go in favour or against the topic with maximum examples inducted.
3)Splitting it into two to three paragraphs can enhance the beauty of expansion.
4)Do not cement your topic by argumentation on the topic.State what it is instead of what it should be.

[QUOTE=IMTIAZ AHMAD KHAN;529983]Well Erum,

Apart from the mistakes pointed out by Bilal,there are some other mistakes i found in your expansion.You have discussed the two aspects of the topic which is against the rules of the short essay/expansion.In short essay,you have to confine yourself to one side of the topic,either in favour or against as it is not commentary like long essay.Moreover you have harshly criticized the government which aptly can be replaced by sugar-coated criticism.With the exception of these few,your expansion is up to the mark and outstanding.Go by the adage"Practice makes a make perfect"As far as the rules for writing a good expansion are concerned,these are as follow,

1)Address your topic directly,hitting the issue without introduction or background.
2)Go in favour or against the topic with maximum examples inducted.
3)Splitting it into two to three paragraphs can enhance the beauty of expansion.
4)Do not cement your topic by argumentation on the topic.State what it is instead of what it should be.[/QUOTE]



thanks Imtiaz..

you have actually addressed the area where i am confused. I am taking my writings for correction to a lecturer of English. He suggested me not to narrow the paragraph down to one aspect only. He rejected my earlier explanations and suggested me to discuss it with respect to different aspects.

Now , what to do? Should i replace the last 2 paragraphs?

[QUOTE=Erum Qureshi;529966]thanks Bilal

you have rightly as well as timely pointed out my mistakes. I am trying to improve my writing skills but still unable to attain the excellence.

Kindly give me some tips regarding paragraph writing.

regards[/QUOTE]

[COLOR="Blue"][B]keep following things in mind while writing the expansion;

[LIST][*]Use good but effective words and you yourself must have understood their exact meanings so that you can use them correctly[*]Be as succinct as possible, your Expansion must be terse yet circumscribing the topic comprehensively.[*]Do not lose sight of the actual topic, strictly stick to the topic.[*]Whatever arguments you give, it must support the topic.[*]only give your own opinion when you are asked to give your stance otherwise stay with the actual topic. [*]The very word expansion tells us that we have to expand a given topic not writing any thing that is not asked.[/LIST][/B][/COLOR]

[COLOR="Blue"][B]And you seriously need to improve your grammar and sentence structure but i think if you are appearing for CE 2013 then you don't have enough time at disposal so you must improvise whatever knowledge you have[/B][/COLOR]

[QUOTE=Bilal Hassan;529992][COLOR="Blue"][B]keep following things in mind while writing the expansion;

[LIST][*]Use good but effective words and you yourself must have understood their exact meanings so that you can use them correctly[*]Be as succinct as possible, your Expansion must be terse yet circumscribing the topic comprehensively.[*]Do not lose sight of the actual topic, strictly stick to the topic.[*]Whatever arguments you give, it must support the topic.[*]only give your own opinion when you are asked to give your stance otherwise stay with the actual topic. [*]The very word expansion tells us that we have to expand a given topic not writing any thing that is not asked.[/LIST][/B][/COLOR]

[COLOR="Blue"][B]And you seriously need to improve your grammar and sentence structure but i think if you are appearing for CE 2013 then you don't have enough time at disposal so you must improvise whatever knowledge you have[/B][/COLOR][/QUOTE]



yes you are right. I am focusing on writing now a days. I hope I will be able to take command over it.

what do you say about the question I asked to Imtiaz?

Absolutely not!

you should not cut the paragraphs,rather try to organize the material in a cohesive order.
The rules I mentioned were the crux taught to us by our teacher who had 7th position in CSS 2011 written.As far as your expressions are concerned,i think these are outstanding and beautifully arranged.You need not worry about your grammatical structure;the only thing you need is proper guideline.As Bilal mentioned earlier,the main difference between short and long essay is that,in short essay,one necessitates to discuss only one aspect of the topic given,without mixing his own ideas with it,while in long essay,one requires to explore all the dimensions of the topic concerned.

To cap it all in a nutshell,i must say that short essay is one-dimensional while long essay is mulch-dimensional.

hats off man
 

[QUOTE=IMTIAZ AHMAD KHAN;530049]Absolutely not!

you should not cut the paragraphs,rather try to organize the material in a cohesive order.
The rules I mentioned were the crux taught to us by our teacher who had 7th position in CSS 2011 written.As far as your expressions are concerned,i think these are outstanding and beautifully arranged.You need not worry about your grammatical structure;the only thing you need is proper guideline.As Bilal mentioned earlier,the main difference between short and long essay is that,in short essay,one necessitates to discuss only one aspect of the topic given,without mixing his own ideas with it,while in long essay,one requires to explore all the dimensions of the topic concerned.

To cap it all in a nutshell,i must say that short essay is one-dimensional while long essay is mulch-dimensional.[/QUOTE]


u know what Imtiaz, you are using the exact words I wanted to state..yes! I need guidelines. I hope you guys shall continue your timely response as there is not much time left for the exam.

Thank you so much

i shall upload another version of the expansion of the same topic. Hopefully, it will be done in appropriate manner

Regards

I hope this version will be better one
 

Excellence is bestowed only to those who have developed the habit of self-reliance. Without seeking for help from others, relying on the own muscles and utilizing the own resources paves the way towards a successful life. Self-dependence makes a man confident, proud and independent.

Self doing produces perfection as well as supplies job satisfaction. For instance, one finds a project that is vital to him. He, himself has to bear the consequences of incomplete or delayed performance. Now, if he asks others to get it done, they complete the task on time, but they will not be careful of attaining the best of it. They will work just to meet the deadline. They will not bother about the quality of the work done. But at the moment if he does the work himself, he would look for all possible means to achieve the target with utmost quality. He will be concerned about the timely completion as well as the excellence of the task. God also helps those who help themselves. So, he will not only get best result but also will be satisfied by his performance.

Living an honourable life in this mortal world is essential to those who want to stay alive in history. This is only possible if they maintain their self esteem and increase self reliance. Having faith on own abilities and finding solution for the problems by themselves is crucial to the aforementioned people. This is possible only by doing the works by themselves as the best lighting rod for one's protection is one's own spine.

So, excellence as well as prestige can be attained only by self doing. Self doing is well doing by all means. This is the only way to stay less dependent upon others.