Evaluate: 'Call no man happy till He is dead'

sabahatbhutta · #1 Wednesday, August 07, 2013

Call no Man happy till he is dead

"Life is not a bed of roses"

When a man comes into this world he cries; perhaps he knows that he has entered into a world of cruelty and distress. He keeps weeping and crying for milk and affection when he is an infant and than for bread, toys, attention and love when he is a kid. His needs and greed keeps on increasing with his rising age and he weeps cries and mourns over all his lost desires.

He strives hard to earn livelihood to make his both ends meet. Sometimes when he acquires wealth he looses his inner peace. Sometimes his health deteriorates to make his life miserable. Sometimes the callous attitude of his loved ones injures him badly. He has to face natural calamities, emotional setbacks, economic pressures, social barriers and what not. All through his life he fights hard to make himself happy. But at the end he gets nothing but Death.

All the woes and worries of his life become meaningless for him when he enters the valley of death. There he can find peace and happiness as all worldly desires and tensions are left behind. So it is rightly said that we can call no man happy till he is dead.

zuhaib ahmed · #2 Wednesday, August 07, 2013

Quote:

Originally Posted by sabahatbhutta

Call no Man happy till he is dead

"Life is not a bed of roses"

When a man comes into this world he cries; perhaps he knows that he has entered into a world of cruelty and distress. He keeps weeping and crying for milk and affection when he is an infant and than for bread, toys, attention and love when he is a kid. His needs?? and greed keeps on increasing with his rising age and he weeps cries and mourns over all his lost desires.

He strives hard to earn livelihood to make his both ends meet. Sometimes when he acquires wealth he looses his inner peace. Sometimes his health deteriorates to make his life miserable. Sometimes the callous attitude of his loved ones injures him badly. He has to face natural calamities, emotional setbacks, economic pressures, social barriers and what not. All through his life he fights hard to make himself happy. But at the end he gets nothing but Death.

All the woes and worries of his life become meaningless for him when he enters the valley of death. There he can find peace and happiness as all worldly desires and tensions are left behind. So it is rightly said that we can call no man happy till he is dead.

Your efforts are appreciable. I have highlighted and coloured some mistakes.

Some suggestions:

-- It was better if you had hit the bull's eye in your first paragraph.

-- Your first paragraph seems to be all about a child and its yearning desires and soulful sorrows.

-- You had to extract out the meaning and central idea of topic which I missed in your first paragraph.

-- What If you had given a few good examples?

-- Avoid Redudancy: You have used HE 17 times and HIS almost 9 times.

-- Your ending is good, indeed.

Regards.

zuhaib ahmed · #3 Wednesday, August 07, 2013

Call no Man Happy till he is Dead.

Until and Unless, man lives in this materialistic and greedy world, he cannot be Happy. Man is shackled and chained in this magical world. Adam and eve were thrown on earth for punishment. Earth was considered a jail for them. So, how can a man live happily in a jail? Man can be happy when he is freed of the shackles.

Change is constant. If spring comes; flowers bloom up. When autumn enters, flowers wither. A man cannot be happy, even if he has health, wealth and all luxuries of life. In the book, Prince of Abyssinia, by Samuel Johnson. Rasselas, the prince, had everything of world. But, he could not live happily in his palace. He left his palace and tried to find and explore happiness in world. And, He could find nowhere.

Man lives, expects, desires, feels panic and tragedies, never lives happily. Life is nevertheless a tragedy. Hazrat ALi A.S said, "Oh! World, I have divorced you for three times." Until and unless, man desires, he cannot be happy. It can only be expected by a Dead Man. He cannot desire, feel pain and response who is dead.

Rousseau said, "Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains." Man can not live in gala days because he is chained with chains of responsibilities, expectations, dreams, fears, taxes and desires. Everyman in this world is unhappy unless he dies. That is the only way to break the shackles of mortal and materialistic world.

My Version, Do Evaluate.

sabahatbhutta · #4 Thursday, August 08, 2013

Quote:

Originally Posted by sabahatbhutta

Call no Man happy till he is dead

"Life is not a bed of roses"

When a man comes into this world he cries; perhaps he knows that he has entered into a world of cruelty and distress. He keeps weeping and crying for milk and affection when he is an infant and than for bread, toys, attention and love when he is a kid. His needs and greed keeps on increasing with his rising age and he weeps cries and mourns over all his lost desires.

He strives hard to earn livelihood to make his both ends meet. Sometimes when he acquires wealth he looses his inner peace. Sometimes his health deteriorates to make his life miserable. Sometimes the callous attitude of his loved ones injures him badly. He has to face natural calamities, emotional setbacks, economic pressures, social barriers and what not. All through his life he fights hard to make himself happy. But at the end he gets nothing but Death.

All the woes and worries of his life become meaningless for him when he enters the valley of death. There he can find peace and happiness as all worldly desires and tensions are left behind. So it is rightly said that we can call no man happy till he is dead.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zuhaib ahmed

Your efforts are appreciable. I have highlighted and coloured some mistakes.

Some suggestions:

-- It was better if you had hit the bull's eye in your first paragraph.

-- Your first paragraph seems to be all about a child and its yearning desires and soulful sorrows.

-- You had to extract out the meaning and central idea of topic which I missed in your first paragraph.

-- What If you had given a few good examples?

-- Avoid Redudancy: You have used HE 17 times and HIS almost 9 times.

-- Your ending is good, indeed.

Regards.

Thanks a lot for your response.

If you could make corrections to the highlighted mistakes I'll be obliged. "Than" was a typing error.

First paragraph caters the whole life of man. Last line of first paragraph says: "His needs and greed keeps on increasing with his rising age and he weeps cries and mourns over all his lost desires."
Yes I need to work upon the first line. I think I should start with: "Man's life is full of sorrow and melancholy. He can find happiness nowhere in this world."
And then should continue with the original transcript. will it work?
Examples like quotations?
Yes I will try to avoid redundancy.
I thought my ending was not up to mark.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zuhaib ahmed

Call no Man Happy till he is Dead.

Until and Unless, man lives in this materialistic and greedy world, he cannot be Happy. Man is shackled and chained in this magical world. Adam and eve were thrown on earth for punishment. Earth was considered a jail for them. So, how can a man live happily in a jail? Man can be happy when he is freed of the shackles.

Change is constant. If spring comes; flowers bloom up. When autumn enters, flowers wither. A man cannot be happy, even if he has health, wealth and all luxuries of life. In the book, Prince of Abyssinia, by Samuel Johnson. Rasselas, the prince, had everything of world. But, he could not live happily in his palace. He left his palace and tried to find and explore happiness in world. And, He could find nowhere.

Man lives, expects, desires, feels panic and tragedies, never lives happily. Life is nevertheless a tragedy. Hazrat ALi A.S said, "Oh! World, I have divorced you for three times." Until and unless, man desires, he cannot be happy. It can only be expected by a Dead Man. He cannot desire, feel pain and response who is dead.

Rousseau said, "Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains." Man can not live in gala days because he is chained with chains of responsibilities, expectations, dreams, fears, taxes and desires. Everyman in this world is unhappy unless he dies. That is the only way to break the shackles of mortal and materialistic world.

My Version, Do Evaluate.

Really nice.

zuhaib ahmed · #5 Thursday, August 08, 2013

Quote:

Originally Posted by sabahatbhutta

Thanks a lot for your response.

If you could make corrections to the highlighted mistakes I'll be obliged. "Than" was a typing error.

First paragraph caters the whole life of man. Last line of first paragraph says: "His needs and greed keeps on increasing with his rising age and he weeps cries and mourns over all his lost desires."
Yes I need to work upon the first line. I think I should start with: "Man's life is full of sorrow and melancholy. He can find happiness nowhere in this world."
And then should continue with the original transcript. will it work?
Examples like quotations?
Yes I will try to avoid redundancy.
I thought my ending was not up to mark.

Really nice.

-- There are three words which are misused and confused.
1. Loose
2. Loss
3. lose

Loose means, not tied or fixed.
Loss means, disadvantage.
lose means, to lose something.

You had to use LOSE.

--Enter is not followed by any preposition. He entered the world of.....

--His needs and greed KEEP on..... Needs and greed should have plural verb.

-- It is good line, indeed. You should make other lines more better. Connect each line and idea _ Don't derail the train of your ideas and stay on track.

-- Like I have given example of Prince, which is authentic. You shoud get any like that. You could give example of Buddha, he used to live in palaces with luxuries of life, then he left all suddendly, why and how, you have to prove your statement. This is the art. There are many examples. like, Ibrahim Ibne Adam, ETC.

-- Ending seemed to be good because you touched the topic in end.

Thanks.

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The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to sabahatbhutta For This Useful Post:
Urma Waqar (Sunday, August 11, 2013), zuhaib ahmed (Thursday, August 08, 2013)

The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to zuhaib ahmed For This Useful Post:
eshaaladan (Friday, August 09, 2013), sabahatbhutta (Thursday, August 08, 2013), Urma Waqar (Sunday, August 11, 2013)

The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to zuhaib ahmed For This Useful Post:
aliarslan (Friday, August 09, 2013), Ayesha Chemist (Sunday, August 11, 2013), eshaaladan (Friday, August 09, 2013), sabahatbhutta (Thursday, August 08, 2013)

The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to zuhaib ahmed For This Useful Post:
aliarslan (Friday, August 09, 2013), Ayesha Chemist (Sunday, August 11, 2013), eshaaladan (Friday, August 09, 2013), sabahatbhutta (Friday, August 09, 2013), Urma Waqar (Friday, August 23, 2013)