Kindly evaluate my expansion
 

[B]1. The Impossible is often untried[/B]

The God almighty has created human being with impeccable capabilities. Men, through his perseverance, has been able to withstand the furies of nature, he has directed the flow of rivers, explored the depth of earth and reached height of skies. Whatever seems impossible is only because of the reason that men hasn’t tried it yet as nothing is impossible in front of firm human conviction. As said by Alexander the great:

“There is nothing impossible to him who will try”

Men has come a long way from his early occupations of gatherer and farmer, today he has countless inventions to his credit. Men’s untiring quest to achieve more and more coupled with efficient use of his natural faculties has enabled him to unleash all the available opportunities and achieve what was considered impossible few centuries back. The Holy Quran also dictates men kind to observe, reflect and explore from among what Allah has created. The advancement in the field of medical sciences, establishment of state of the art communication systems, the exploration of planets and galaxies are only few of the resounding achievements of human race. Men derive the power of creation from the Creator of heavens and earths, his accomplishments in the world are testimony to the fact that He indeed is the supreme creation of almighty.

salamoona
the title does not match your expansion note as in your note you have written all about what man has achieved. Furthermore there are some spelling mistakes like [COLOR="Red"]men kind[/COLOR] etc...

[QUOTE=Muhammad Irfan Mandokhail;689355]salamoona
the title does not match your expansion note as in your note you have written all about what man has achieved. Furthermore there are some spelling mistakes like [COLOR="Red"]men kind[/COLOR] etc...[/QUOTE]

My approach towards the topic was - whatever men has tried he has achieved it, whatever once seemed impossible has been made possible by trying it.

Anyways thanks a lot for taking the time out.

I would request any senior to have a look as well.

regards,

[QUOTE=Abdullah khan;689554]My approach towards the topic was - whatever men has tried he has achieved it, whatever once seemed impossible has been made possible by trying it.

Anyways thanks a lot for taking the time out.

I would request any senior to have a look as well.

regards,[/QUOTE]
You cannot argue with the Paper Checker.. You just have to express your views and ideas... rest is in the hands and mind of that person... So, Accept what the IRFAN has said open-heartedly.. :) I Hope you got the point..!

I would suggest that you write it in 3 paragraphs.

You attempted it good but didn't conclude it

It's a good attempt. However, try to focus on the following areas:

1. Be more relevant
2. Insert the quotation in a proper format
3. Use some examples to strengthen your thesis statement
4. Increase the length of the expansion note

Hope it helps.

Good'luck! :)

[QUOTE=Abdullah khan;689039][B]1. The Impossible is often untried[/B]

The God almighty has created human being with impeccable capabilities. Men, through his perseverance, has been able to withstand the furies of nature, he has directed the flow of rivers, explored the depth of earth and reached height of skies. Whatever seems impossible is only because of the reason that men hasn’t tried it yet as nothing is impossible in front of firm human conviction. As said by Alexander the great:

“There is nothing impossible to him who will try”

Men has come a long way from his early occupations of gatherer and farmer, today he has countless inventions to his credit. Men’s untiring quest to achieve more and more coupled with efficient use of his natural faculties has enabled him to unleash all the available opportunities and achieve what was considered impossible few centuries back. The Holy Quran also dictates men kind to observe, reflect and explore from among what Allah has created. The advancement in the field of medical sciences, establishment of state of the art communication systems, the exploration of planets and galaxies are only few of the resounding achievements of human race. Men derive the power of creation from the Creator of heavens and earths, his accomplishments in the world are testimony to the fact that He indeed is the supreme creation of almighty.[/QUOTE]
I admire your opening. A good start, a good ending but there's something irksome about it. The repetitive reference to "Man". Its more like men's this, men's that talk in your work. Try to loose that. I hope I have made my point humbly, without being offensive.