Rome was not built in a day

RMKamran · #1 Monday, December 15, 2014

Rome was not built in a day

Yes, it is true that Rome was not built in a day. The maxim depicts the reality in such a way that in order to get anything desirable and become a successful person, it requires a passionate commitment triggered by the luxury of conscientious exertion coupled with sincere, steady and prolong struggle unless it is impossible to attain the goal and achieve the target. It certainly applies to both individual and collective ones – nation as a whole. But, those who look for short cuts and do not bother to do diligent efforts to turn into prosper being, face nothing; however, failure.

In olden days, Rome was a quite advanced country. It was rich in education, medical, technological and military capabilities. Many a people used to visit it for their particular reasons from all over the world. But, it is evident that it did not built in a day rather it took years and years to become such a developed country especially of that time. Indeed, Pakistan was also not built in a day but it took many years and by dint of faithful passion and therein a drive to make a separate homeland from inglorious Indians and British; they succeeded. Neither did Napoleon conquer the whole Europe in a day nor did he visited the highest place that a man wished to so. Furthermore, pyramids of Egypt were also not built in a day and so is Taj Mahal. It took many years and along with the help of labour force of thousands. A doctor, an engineer, a civil servant did not made in a day rather their worked hard, burnt mid-night oil and hence their long lasting assiduous work made them distinctive from rest crowd.

All those discoveries and inventions that science has made so far are also the result of profound hard work. Thomas Edison invented electric bulb after 34000 attempts. Wright brothers invented aeroplane after so many attempts. As a matter of fact, there are many examples that solely shows the significance of prolong zealous efforts that have paved the way to success. Certainly, all those successful nations and prosperous people have had struggle a lot whether it comes any revolution like that of French one or economic giant like China. Undoubtedly, the key to success is to have a strong belief and burning desire; in addition to a strong will followed by constant industrious work. In this way one can succeed in life and nation as a whole proposer, compete and leave behind other nations by consistent labour because Rome was not built in a day.

Criticism is highly appreciated.

Stay blessed.

Aayman · #2 Saturday, December 20, 2014

AssalamOalikum,
Here is what I think about your writing:
1)Your sentences are long. try to shorten them a bit.
2)You need to focus on your grammar.

there are other some other things that need improvement but I won't comment on them for now...

Lashari97 · #3 Sunday, December 21, 2014

Great labour indeed! Well to err is human! I have wet behind the ears so cannot comment about your writing

RMKamran · #4 Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aayman

AssalamOalikum,
Here is what I think about your writing:
1)Your sentences are long. try to shorten them a bit.
2)You need to focus on your grammar.

there are other some other things that need improvement but I won't comment on them for now...

Walikum salam,

Thank you for highlighting and In shaa ALLAH TALA I will ponder over it.
I would be obliged if you comment on those other things of my writing that need improvement.

Stay blessed.

junaidburiro · #5 Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Ok, here are few recommendations.

1. Don't start with Yes, No or something similar stuff. Your second sentence "The maxim depicts the reality", should be the first.

2. Make you sentences less lengthy.

Else, you got talent; organize it and you will succeed.

Cheers.

mysterious me · #6 Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Quote:

Originally Posted by RMKamran

Rome was not built in a day

Yes, it is true that Rome was not built in a day. The maxim depicts the reality in such a way that in order to get anything desirable and become a successful person, it requires a passionate commitment triggered by the luxury of conscientious exertion coupled with sincere, steady and prolong struggle unless it is impossible to attain the goal and achieve the target. It certainly applies to both individual and collective ones – nation as a whole. But, those who look for short cuts and do not bother to do diligent efforts to turn into prosper being, face nothing; however, failure.

Your vocabulary is good and the grip on topic is also commending. But there is a lack of clarity. First of all you need not to say yes its true or no its not, your writing will prove it. Secondly and more importantly learn few connector words(however, on the contrary, as for now) and use them, instead of using long sentences. I have rephrased your first paragraph so that you may know your mistakes better. Hope you dont mind it, and find it helpful..

The maxim depicts the reality that achievement of anything desirable requires a passionate commitment. The conscientious exertion coupled with sincere, steady and prolong struggle is the only tool to realize one's dream. This absolute truth applies to both individual and collective goals, that is, the goals of a person and the goals of a nation. On account of this reality, it can be rightly deduced that, those who avert diligent efforts and look for short cuts to prosperity, avail nothing but failure.

mysterious me · #7 Tuesday, January 20, 2015

i was also facing the problem of long sentences this list of connectors helped me alot. To get an idea of how to use it and why are they necessary visit this link. In examples section of the link see how they helped converting a single long sentence into two short sentences.

http://www.elc.byu.edu/classes/buck/...ansitions.html

for complete list of connectors visit this.
http://www.smart-words.org/linking-w...ion-words.html

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