Precis of a paragraph from Moby Dick's book
 

Seniors, this is my first post in the forum. Please point out mistakes (especially grammatical) in my attempt. Any constructive criticism will be welcomed.

This is precis of a paragraph from Moby Dick's book (I forgot the name:))


Call me Ishmael. Some years ago — never mind how long precisely — having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen, and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people’s hats off — then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me.

[B]PRECIS[/B]

Some years ago, Ishmael, in want of money, and due to disinterest in the world, decided to go on a sea voyage. It was his way of escaping from financial woes, sorrow, depression and fear of death. Voyage to sea was Ishmael's substitute for suicide. If people were aware of the simplicity of the act, they would have garnered feelings towards the ocean similar that of Ishmael's.

Title: Sea Voyage - a panacea for disappointment
Given Words: 204
Words after precis: 67

Will anyone bother to give it a read?
 

Please review the precis

Nice attempt:))

Great effort... elicited and coherent...keep it up...!

Mobi Dick is book not writer
 

Moby Dick is not writer's name but "Moby Dick" is itself a book, a novel written by Herman Melville

Sorry Sir Trotsky. I actually picked up the paragraph from the book in a haste and didn't bother to note author's name. Thanks for pointing out my mistake.:)

I request you to give my precise a read and point put my mistakes. Your expert opinion will definately help me in polishing my writing skills. :)

[QUOTE=San Sufi;1028500]

[B]PRECIS[/B]

Some years ago, Ishmael, in want of money, and due to disinterest in the world, decided to go on a sea voyage. It was his way of escaping from financial woes, sorrow, depression and fear of death. Voyage to sea was Ishmael's substitute for suicide. If people were aware of the simplicity of the act, they would have garnered feelings towards the ocean similar that of Ishmael's.

Title: Sea Voyage - a panacea for disappointment
Given Words: 204
Words after precis: 67[/QUOTE]




This is a good attempt but always try to make your precis more effective.

1)Don't repeat the phrase of main paragraph instead of writing "some years ago" write " few years back" simply re-phrase the sentence by using synonyms.

2) Use parallel structure of sentence to make it more effective. Instead of writing " Ishmael, in want of money, and due to disinterest in the world, decided to go on a sea voyage" write " Ishmael, due to want of money and disillusioned by world decided to ....." In same manner instead of writing " It was his way of escaping from financial woes, sorrow, depression and fear of death" write " It was his way of escaping from financial woes, worldly sorrows, psychotic depressions and death anxiety"

3) Avoid grammatical mistakes
"similar to that of" is correct of usage

[QUOTE=trotsky59;1031008]This is a good attempt but always try to make your precis more effective.

1)Don't repeat the phrase of main paragraph instead of writing "some years ago" write " few years back" simply re-phrase the sentence by using synonyms.

2) Use parallel structure of sentence to make it more effective. Instead of writing " Ishmael, in want of money, and due to disinterest in the world, decided to go on a sea voyage" write " Ishmael, due to want of money and disillusioned by world decided to ....." In same manner instead of writing " It was his way of escaping from financial woes, sorrow, depression and fear of death" write " It was his way of escaping from financial woes, worldly sorrows, psychotic depressions and death anxiety"

3) Avoid grammatical mistakes
"similar to that of" is correct of usage[/QUOTE]


Sir, a bundle of thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule and writing a detailed answer to my post. I have been on the forum for many months but, it is very rare that a senior especially, a qualified CSP like you respondes to queries of juniors. I really appreciate that and hope that you will continue this practice in future. ��

This forum is in dire need of people like you.

I have noted my mistakes which, you have pointed out and will avoid their repetition in future.