Please check my precis attempt (CE-2017)

[Subhan Ahmad]

All the evil in this world is brought about by persons who are always up and doing, but do not know when they ought to be up and nor what they ought to be doing. The devil, I take it, is still the busiest creature in the universe, and I can quite imagine him denouncing laziness and becoming angry at the smallest waste of time. In his kingdom, I will bet, nobody is allowed to do nothing, not even for a single afternoon. The world, we all freely admit, is in a muddle, but I for one do not think that it is laziness that has brought it to such a pass. It is not the active virtues that it lacks but the passive ones: it is capable of anything but kindness and a little steady thought. There is still plenty of energy in the world(there never were more fussy people about), but most of it is simply misdirected. If ,for example, in July 1914, when there was some capital idling weather, everybody-- emperors, kings, archdukes, statesmen, generals, journalists, had been suddenly struck with an intense desire to do nothing, just to hang about in the sunshine and consume tobacco, then we should all have been much better off than we are now. But no, the doctrine of the strenuous life still went unchallenged; there must be no time wasted, something must be done. And, as we know, something was done. Again, suppose our statesmen, instead of rushing off to Versailles with a bundle of ill-digested notions and a great deal of energy to dissipate, had all taken a fortnight off, away from all correspondence and interviews and what not, and had simply lounged about on some hill side or other apparently doing nothing for the first time in their energetic lives, then they might have gone to their so-called Peace Conference and come away again with their reputations still unsoiled and the affairs of the world in good trim. Even at the present time, if half the politicians in Europe would relinquish the notion that laziness is a crime and go away and do nothing for a little space, we should certainly gain by it. Other examples come crowding into the mind. Thus, every now and then, certain religious sects hold conferences; but though there are evils abroad that are mountains high, though the fate of civilization is still doubtful, the members who attend these conferences spend their time condemning the length of ladies' skirts and the noisiness of dance bands. They would all be better employed lying flat on their backs somewhere, staring at the sky and recovering their mental health.


Salvation in Laziness
The present world is indeed tumultuous. The problem lies in the people who lack clarity because they obsess about being productive and dread procrastination. The present world is shaped by our ancestors and for them, laziness was also a crime. We would have been in a better world if they had just taken the time for self-reflection. It is still possible to amend our problems, but present political and religious leaders are no different. All they need is to take a breath, and they will certainly spot the elephant in the room.

[NoDjoke]

I really enjoyed reading your precis. You have followed the rules. The title is spot on. Bravo!
One thing: the word count is too low in my opinion. It should at least be 1/3rd or close to it.

[Subhan Ahmad]

Thank you

[saniam]

Avoid using first person reference in precis.

[Subhan Ahmad]

Originally Posted by saniam

Avoid using first person reference in precis.

How come? I used first person to keep the tone of the précis similar to that of the passage.

[saniam]

http://www.cssforum.com.pk/css-compu...s-writing.html

[Subhan Ahmad]

Originally Posted by saniam

http://www.cssforum.com.pk/css-compu...s-writing.html

Thank You

[A Zeee]

Originally Posted by Subhan Ahmad

All the evil in this world is brought about by persons who are always up and doing, but do not know when they ought to be up and nor what they ought to be doing. The devil, I take it, is still the busiest creature in the universe, and I can quite imagine him denouncing laziness and becoming angry at the smallest waste of time. In his kingdom, I will bet, nobody is allowed to do nothing, not even for a single afternoon. The world, we all freely admit, is in a muddle, but I for one do not think that it is laziness that has brought it to such a pass. It is not the active virtues that it lacks but the passive ones: it is capable of anything but kindness and a little steady thought. There is still plenty of energy in the world(there never were more fussy people about), but most of it is simply misdirected. If ,for example, in July 1914, when there was some capital idling weather, everybody-- emperors, kings, archdukes, statesmen, generals, journalists, had been suddenly struck with an intense desire to do nothing, just to hang about in the sunshine and consume tobacco, then we should all have been much better off than we are now. But no, the doctrine of the strenuous life still went unchallenged; there must be no time wasted, something must be done. And, as we know, something was done. Again, suppose our statesmen, instead of rushing off to Versailles with a bundle of ill-digested notions and a great deal of energy to dissipate, had all taken a fortnight off, away from all correspondence and interviews and what not, and had simply lounged about on some hill side or other apparently doing nothing for the first time in their energetic lives, then they might have gone to their so-called Peace Conference and come away again with their reputations still unsoiled and the affairs of the world in good trim. Even at the present time, if half the politicians in Europe would relinquish the notion that laziness is a crime and go away and do nothing for a little space, we should certainly gain by it. Other examples come crowding into the mind. Thus, every now and then, certain religious sects hold conferences; but though there are evils abroad that are mountains high, though the fate of civilization is still doubtful, the members who attend these conferences spend their time condemning the length of ladies' skirts and the noisiness of dance bands. They would all be better employed lying flat on their backs somewhere, staring at the sky and recovering their mental health.


Salvation in Laziness
The present world is indeed tumultuous. The problem lies in the people who lack clarity because they obsess about being productive and dread procrastination. The present world is shaped by our ancestors and for them, laziness was also a crime. We would have been in a better world if they had just taken the time for self-reflection. It is still possible to amend our problems, but present political and religious leaders are no different. All they need is to take a breath, and they will certainly spot the elephant in the room.

Nice and impressive attempt. Very different from others. Your style of writing and usage of idioms is also impressive. I am no authority but according to knowledge which I have acquired in past few years during precis practice, I have found some mistakes which are as following:

1- Title: I do not think that title is relevant. It was more about putting active energies in wrong direction and less about laziness. More appropriate topic can be " Misdirected energies of the world" etc.

2- You have written your precis with 1st person and by usage of 1st person it looks like you are sharing your personal views. It is clear violation of 2 precis rules. Always write precis by taking 3rd person and never try to give your personal opinion neither in favor nor against given topic.

3- Your precis is very short. If I am not wrong total word count of original passage is 443 words so, technically precis should be one third of original passage that makes word count around 147 words and of course +-5 to 10 words are acceptable. Go through original passage again and check what you have omitted in necessary information and add it into your precis.

4- At the end of precis always mention word count of your precis. It is mandatory and builds good impression in examiners mind.

Rest everything is great. Keep sharing your practice work.

[Subhan Ahmad]

@ A Zee, Thank you very much for your detailed response. It is the feedback from you people that will help me improve.
Point 2, 3 and 4 are understandable, I will surely incorporate these suggestions in future attempts.

However, the first point is where I think I can defend myself. The arguments and end conclusion repeatedly stress on taking a breather. The passage does suggest where the energies of people should be spent, but it focuses more on "how" can people come to know the real problems that they are overlooking because of misplaced priorities. When we decipher the "how" part, it is taking a time out to get mental clarity.
So I think the title does justice to the passage.

[Uncle Majboor]

Laziness is better than misdirected energies
It is not the lazy people but active people who are bringing harm to this world. Devil is also very active and he doesn't like laziness. The world today is in a crisis due to a lack of kindness and a little study thought rather than lack of activity. If our ancestors did nothing instead of what they did our conditions would have been better today. Even if The Statesman had vacations rather than struggling for global peace the world today would be more peaceful. Even today the laziness of our politicians would benefit us more than their activism. Those religious Scholars spending their energies but cannot differentiate the significance of each problem are also not doing any good to this world