AFRMS and other CSPs, kindly check my precis'e
 

Please check my precise and comment. Especially AFRMS and MMM.
And plz ignore my hand writting.

[IMG]http://i637.photobucket.com/albums/uu93/supernatural_02/scan0002.jpg[/IMG]

Here goes my precise.
[IMG]http://i637.photobucket.com/albums/uu93/supernatural_02/scan0001-1.jpg[/IMG]

regards

@dr.atifrana

Is this taken from R.Dhillon ?

[COLOR=white].......................................................................[/COLOR]

[quote=Raz]@dr.atifrana

Is this taken from R.Dhillon ?

[COLOR=white].......................................................................[/COLOR][/quote]

Yes RAZ,
Dear , plz comment
[COLOR=silver]..............................................................................................[/COLOR]

rgds

Salaam,

Dr. Atif, I have read your precis. It was a really nice effort. You crossed the word limit (335/3=111+-5) so I gave it an informal try. Here is my draft.

[CENTER]Calamities and human response[/CENTER]

Adverse weather brings natural calamities which cause damage, injury and death. Weather in its extremity in different parts of the world causes discomfort and illness. It also disrupts traffic, causes inconvenience to people and affects agriculture. Yet man will some day learn to gain control over weather and adjust it to human benefit. Advances in medical science bode well for future. As global resources would be aimed at improving health, present day ailments will become extinct one day. However, for progress wars must end. Wars consume global resources which can otherwise bring prosperity. The only possible way to achieve this end is formation of a global government which would chastise wicked nations that violate peace. (115 words)

This is how a qualifier out of touch with studies for the past one year does. If you find your effort better than mine then you have a very good reason to feel confident.

I will give you my suggestions tomorrow. This is beginning to bore me today. :)

Regards,

[QUOTE]This is how a qualifier out of touch with studies for the past one year does. If you find your effort better than mine then you have a very good reason to feel confident.
[/QUOTE]
Adil Memon,
first of all thanks for looking at my effort.Sir, you are still very good at this .Looking frorward to your tomorrow comments.

regards

@ Dr.Atif
 

Dr.Sb
Could you please tell me the name and author of this book?
Regards

@iamcalledasad

book name: precis writing
Auther :R.Dihillon

rgds

dear it was a real nice effort to write a precis, get it scanned and then post it over here anyhow after reading it few points come to mind which i think merit discussion for your , mine and all other aspirants collective benefit
1) title really doesnt make any sense, it needs improvement, compare it with Adil's simpe but lucid title
2) why to break the precis into paragraphs, this is one of the reason you crossed the max word limit
3) i dont think these spellings are correct "" studdies ""
4) "" extreme weather causes sadness in mood and unwillingness to work "" where this message was conveyed in the original passage
5) "" Advancing medical sciences is...."" i think, advancing medical science is , could have been a safe sentence
6) "' may be , in future , generations to come find.... "" i think , may be , in future , generations to come will find......."" could have been a safe sentence
7) "" to change the whole world in to one government..."" why not to write INTO in place of in to

and lastly adil's overall expression in precis should serve as an example to be followed
and other fellows please comment on my post for betterment

Precise*********please Check And Pin Point Errors
 

[B][U]COUNTERING NATURAL CALAMITIES[/U][/B]

Unfit atmospheric conditions cause accidents. Rainstorms, floods, sandstorms and snowfalls bring sufferings and cause irritations for dwellers. Both droughts and floods trouble farmers. Adverse climatic conditions of Arctics, North and South poles, and tropical regions make these domains inhabitable.These inordinatenesses will be controlled one day using atomic power. Recent medical progress is a great achievement. Large number of resources will be used for medication. Many present rife illnesses will be unknown to our future generation. To divert resources for progress, wars must be get rid of; otherwise civilization dilapidation is obvious.Only formation of one world government is the solution to penalize evil nations. Together this idea and efforts for construction, not destruction, can make mankind attain limitless progress. (116 words)

****************************************
SENIORS PLEASE RATE AND PIN POINT ERRORS......PLEASE,PLEASE

[quote=aj khan]dear it was a real nice effort to write a precis, get it scanned and then post it over here anyhow after reading it few points come to mind which i think merit discussion for your , mine and all other aspirants collective benefit[/QUOTE]
first of all, AOA,
and thanks for critically examining my precis.
[QUOTE]
1) title really doesnt make any sense, it needs improvement, compare it with Adil's simpe but lucid title[/QUOTE]
I think this title looks suitable:king
[COLOR=blue] "One day man will be able to cope with diseases, harsh weather conditions and to eliminate the menace of war" .[/COLOR]

[QUOTE]
2) why to break the precis into paragraphs, this is one of the reason you crossed the max word limit
[/QUOTE]
So its mean , a precis is composed of only one paragraph.:oo

3) i dont think these spellings are correct "" studdies ""

yep, you are right, it should be [COLOR=blue]studies:oo [/COLOR]
[QUOTE]
4) "" extreme weather causes sadness in mood and unwillingness to work "" where this message was conveyed in the original passage
[/QUOTE]

It is written in the nineth line.May be, it needs some modification.

[QUOTE]
5) "" Advancing medical sciences is...."" i think, advancing medical science is , could have been a safe sentence
[/QUOTE]
sir I think here I am right
look here
[URL="http://search.conduit.com/Results.aspx?q=medical+sciences+&hl=en&SelfSearch=1&SearchSourceOrigin=10&ctid=CT1392740"]http://search.conduit.com/Results.aspx?q=medical+sciences+&hl=en&SelfSearch=1&SearchSourceOrigin=10&ctid=CT1392740[/URL]
[QUOTE]
6) "' may be , in future , generations to come find.... "" i think , may be , in future , generations to come will find......."" could have been a safe sentence
[/QUOTE]
Sir present tense some times denotes future.May be youy are right.
[QUOTE]
7) "" to change the whole world in to one government..."" why not to write INTO in place of in to
[/QUOTE]
:oo

yep, I agree
[QUOTE]
and lastly adil's overall expression in precis should serve as an example to be followed
[/QUOTE]
yes he wrote a very good precis .
@Adil Memon
Where are you sir.waiting for your comments.:king

Zaheer, wait for the csps response.

regards