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Old Saturday, April 24, 2010
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Default Seniors Please Check my Precis

Kindly check my Preci
Long years ago we made a tryst with destiny, and now the time comes when we-shall redeem our pledge, not wholly or in full measure, but very substantially. At the stroke of midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom. A moment comes, which comes rarely in history, when we step out from the old to the new, when an age ends, and when the soul of nation, long suppressed, finds utterance. It is fitting that at this solemn moment we take the pledge of dedication to the service of India and her people and to the still larger cause of humanity.

At the dawn of history India started on her unending quest, and trackless centuries are filled with her striving and the grandeur of her success and her failures. Through good and ill fortune alike she has never lost sight of that quest or forgotten the ideals which gave her strength. We end today a period of ill fortune and India discovers herself again. The achievement we celebrate today is but a step, an opening of opportunity, to the greater triumphs and achievements that await us. Are we brave enough and wise enough to grasp this opportunity and accept the challenge of the future?

Freedom and power brings responsibility. That responsibility rests upon this Assembly, a sovereign body representing the sovereign people of India. Before the birth of freedom we have endured all the pains of labor and our hearts are heavy with the memory of this sorrow. Some of those pains continue even now. Nevertheless, the past is over and it is the future that beckons to us now. That future is not one of ease or resting but of incessant striving so that we may fulfill the pledges we have so often taken and the one we shall take today. The service of India means the service of the millions who suffer. It means the ending of poverty and ignorance and disease and inequality of opportunity. The ambition of the greatest man of our generation has been to wipe every tear from every eye. That may be beyond us, but as long as there are tears and suffering, so long our work will not be over.
-Jawaharlal Nehru


Titles
Freedom and Power Bring Responsibility
Sovereignty Leads to Opportunity and Challenges

Precised
Today, however, with the great efforts and struggle India has observed to have independence and when all the world sleeps at midnight, the people of India awakes to life and freedom. Although, this freedom made us to be able to dedicate the services of those who gave their life in the war of independence that proved to be a larger cause of humanity.

The new Indian history which marks the India’s independence celebration brings the opportunities and challenges to be accepted bravely and wisely, particularly to exploit the efforts and struggle of our great leaders by virtue of them we are able to breathe in sovereign state India.

Freedom and power brings responsibility that rest upon this Assembly that represents the people of sovereign India. So it is this assembly’s (representatives) responsibility to lead India towards success and prosperity.



Respected Seniors and Juniors please check and analyze my precis, do evaluate sentence structure, vocabulary, beginning and ending.
All the participants are requested & welcomed to criticize my weak points and suggest me best way to conduct precis.
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Old Saturday, April 24, 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeeshan Hyder View Post
Kindly check my Preci
Titles
Freedom and Power Bring Responsibility
Sovereignty Leads to Opportunity and Challenges

Precised
Today, however, with the great efforts and struggle India has observed to have independence and when all the world sleeps at midnight, the people of India awakes to life and freedom. Although, this freedom made us to be able to dedicate the services of those who gave their life in the war of independence that proved to be a larger cause of humanity.

The new Indian history which marks the India’s independence celebration brings the opportunities and challenges to be accepted bravely and wisely, particularly to exploit the efforts and struggle of our great leaders by virtue of them we are able to breathe in sovereign state India.

Freedom and power brings responsibility that rest upon this Assembly that represents the people of sovereign India. So it is this assembly’s (representatives) responsibility to lead India towards success and prosperity.



@Zeeshan Hyder

Dear Zeshan!
You have not expressed the thoughts which have been expressed in the given paragraphs. the given Paragraphs are about some thing else. you have written some sentences from original paragraph which i have underlined. you have crossed the word limit. the title is starting phrase of third paragraph which does not concludes all three paragraphs. you have put word in bracket, there is no need to do so. Dear try it again.
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The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to javed_iqbal7863 For This Useful Post:
neemo77 (Wednesday, June 27, 2012), Zeeshan Hyder (Saturday, April 24, 2010)
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