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  #91  
Old Sunday, August 12, 2007
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@Miss_Naqvi

Thanks for such a nice analysis. It would be very beneficial for us. However, analysis is not a complete solution without much awaiting precis of yours. Please enlighten us how to embody the analysis in a perfect precis.
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  #92  
Old Sunday, August 12, 2007
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dear miss Naqvi

its really encouraging to see ur reply.and ur analysis tought me the points which i cdnt grap in my percie and added up my knowledge.thanx again.
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  #93  
Old Wednesday, August 15, 2007
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extreemly sorry for being late,hopefully u will consider my participation.
PRECIS:
Title:Ways of celebrating Jinnah's centenary.
According to the writer, there are two ways of celebrating a great man's centenary;we can take him off from his high rank,examine his work for humanity and than make him insusceptible by installing him on high rank.Another way which is more sound ,is to examine life of Jinnah not as a heroic statue,but as a common and living man and utilize his qualities for solving world problems.Jinnah is reduced to a mere heroic stature,our duty is to examine his life as mere mr.Jinnah by depriving him from his leadership.During this process of examining his life writer finds that his glory was not diminished though,he had human limitations.Our interest is to find principles of his life.He tries to awake people from slumber of slavery.Jinnah had put spirit in Pakistani youth,by awakening their faith in themselves.His faith in ordinary man shows that he offered good life for all Pakistanis.Lovers of Jinnah should try to maintain unity in their work.
[words;169]
sorry again for being late.Dear miss Naqvi ,i write the precis before checking ur analysis of paragraph.i hope u will guide me and point out my limitations.thanks
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  #94  
Old Thursday, August 16, 2007
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Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...........late again....................

Anywayz, nice passage. It was an interesting read.

I had a precis of the passage but cudn't post it before. Here it is:-

Title: Apposite Celebration of Jinnah's Centenary


A great person's centenary celebration can be glorified either by praising his credentials and achievements thus exalting him even higher before becoming amnesiac to it; or his life can be analyzed more microscopically and he made as a source of inspiration for us. Jinnah should be remembered by treating him simply as a man not as a leader to protect him from becoming an idol whose comprehension is beyond the reach of mere mortals. Seen from a birdseye view, Jinnah's magnanimity increases although he too was a mortal having his frailties. The thing to be righteously analyzed, to guide us out of our idleness, is his principles and mannerisms. History bears witness that Jinnah instilled courage into the hearts of the oppressed, taught the downtrodden how to stand up to oppression and faith was all they needed to succeed. Jinnah's determination that the unity of humankind is the key to the welfare of all still holds true and men true to his values keep this in their hearts and minds. (170 words)

Sorry, this precis was attempted before your points were added. I'll analyze my attempt in light of them. In the meantime, i'll be waiting for your analysis, the model precis and the new passage, Miss Naqvi. Once agian, Thnxxxxxx for your efforts.

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  #95  
Old Thursday, August 16, 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by easha
extreemly sorry for being late,hopefully u will consider my participation.
sorry again for being late.Dear miss Naqvi ,i write the precis before checking ur analysis of paragraph.i hope u will guide me and point out my limitations.thanks
Dear Member as per the rules of this thread Precis received to my mail box or after the submission of analysis are not entertained. I m sure that you are saying right but I m bound to follow the rules set for participation. So I m really sorry for this time hope next time you will add it timely.
See you next time.
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  #96  
Old Thursday, August 16, 2007
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Arrow Sorry for this time

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kashinov
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...........late again....................

Anywayz, nice passage. It was an interesting read.

I had a precis of the passage but cudn't post it before. Here it is:-

Sorry, this precis was attempted before your points were added. I'll analyze my attempt in light of them. In the meantime, i'll be waiting for your analysis, the model precis and the new passage, Miss Naqvi. Once agian, Thnxxxxxx for your efforts.

Take Care and Stay Cool!
Thanks for your appreciation
Yes dear I got late caz occupied at so many avenues but still try to spare some time for helping other with my skills that I learnt after taking suggestions from so many competent teachers.

My answer is same to you that precis submitted after analysis is not eligible to meet the criteria of correction. Really sorry caz you are late more to me. So try next time.

Best Wishes
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  #97  
Old Thursday, August 16, 2007
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Thumbs up Here goes Correction

Quote:
Originally Posted by sam_diya
title;jinnah,s view of pakistan.

there are two ways to show one,s greatness;either praising him much and forgetting him the next moment or by leading a life on his beliefs and principles.the best way to acknowledge Jinnah is by practicing his principles and following his way of life.his personality taught us,no matter how meek we are we can stand beore huge powers.he wanted us to believe in ourselves regardless of our causes,this would make us strong.he dreamt of a prosperous pakistan;where every one cd get equal oppertunities regardless of their status..
Your effort is good but dear it is facts that u need real real hard work to have a command over précis writing. I have chosen your précis for detailed correction because it was having lots of mistakes.

Here I am dissecting your précis into paragraphs and then you would be able to see the areas to improve and the mistakes you have committed while understanding the theme of passage.

Quote:
Paragraph 1
There are, I suppose, two ways of celebrating a great man’s centenary. Either we can take him off his pedestal for the moment, admire his great qualities and say how much he did to enrich the human race; then, having dutifully done this, we put him back again, if possible a little higher up and further out of reach than before and conveniently forget about him; or we may bring him right down from his pedestal, examine his life more carefully than before, in the light of a rather longer perspective, and keep him well down among us to inspire us in facing the world’s problems. (Words 106)
Quote:
Your Work
There are two ways to show one’s greatness; either praising him much or forgetting him the next moment or by leading a life on his beliefs and principles. (Words 28)
My Suggestion
There are two possibilities of celebrating great man’s birthday; one by making monument and put him at a height and other is to peep into his life as human and take inspiration to eye with life.
(Words 36)

Quote:
Paragraph 2
In the case of Jinnah especially, the only valid way to celebrate his centenary is the second. Already he is in danger of being regarded too much as a mere future on a statue, far off above our heads. Our job during this centenary year is to bring him down to earth again, as a living man among men, which is the only thing he ever wanted to be. I am tempted to say: Let us strip him of his leadership and look at him, if we can, as plain Mr. Muhammad Ali Jinnah if you like. (Words 97)
Quote:
Your Work
The best way to acknowledge Jinnah is by practicing his principles and following his way of life. (Words 17)
My Suggestion
Jinnah should be appreciated as model man by separating him from leadership rather seeing him as sculpture of greatness that is hanged high for momentary admiration without any inspiration and action.
(Words 31)

Quote:
Paragraph 3
Having said this let me hasten to add that as perspective lengthens, I find that Jinnah’s greatness grows upon me; it does not diminish. Of course he had his human failings, his errors of judgment and all the rest, like any other man. But these need not concern us especially today. What we want to see, as far as we are able, is the long term value of his way of life and of the principles he tried to live by. And if we are honest in looking at him, we must be prepared for some shocks. He was always, and must always be, a disturbing man, who tries to shake us out of our complacency. (Words 116)
Quote:
Your Work
Not a single word is describing the theme of this paragraph
(Words 00)

My Suggestion
Jinnah also owes shortcomings to share human nature but it does not lessen perception of him. His greatness lies in the paramount principles that lead him to live life with no compromise and thought provoking inspiration for upcoming generations.
(Words 39)

Quote:
Paragraph 4
Perhaps the main thing to learn from Jinnah’s early independence campaigns is that even people who seem to suffer from a slave mentality can learn to stand up to overwhelming power. Years before I ever visited Pakistan or met Jinnah a Pakistani student whom I think that Jinnah has done for us is to show us how to stand up on our own feet. He has put backbone into us. I think Jinnah wanted all men to believe that, if they have faith in some great cause, they are not strong enough. ‘You are as strong as you think you are’ he would say, “you are as strong as I am”. (Words 111)
Quote:
Your Work
His personality taught us; no matter how meek we are we can stand before huge powers. He wanted us to believe in ourselves regardless of our causes, this would make us strong. (Words 30)
My Suggestion
Jinnah’s independence campaign taught lesson of courage and sublime faith for standing against those who are barrier to the cause. He poured new life by showing the importance of will power for achieving a cause.
(Words 34)

Quote:
Paragraph 5
This faith in the ordinary man meant also that he was determined that the Pakistan of his dreams-let us rather say, the world of his dreams-should be a world that offered the possibility of a good life to all; not just to the majority, but to all. Pakistan has a word “Unity” which signifies the welfare of all. Those who still try to be loyal to Jinnah in their public work carry this word on their banner. (Words 77)
Quote:
Your Work
He dreamt of a prosperous Pakistan; where every one cud get equal opportunities regardless of their status.
(Words 17)
My Suggestion
Jinnah’s trust on man realized his dream into reality. He introduced concept of Unity to give equal opportunities to all and his followers hold this message efficiently.
(Words 26)

So in the light of my suggestions overall Precis would be;

There are two possibilities of celebrating great man’s birthday; one by making monument and putting it at height and other is to peep into his life as human and take inspiration to eye with life. Jinnah should be appreciated as model man by separating him from leadership rather seeing him as sculpture of greatness that is hanged high for momentary admiration without any inspiration and action. Jinnah also owes shortcomings to share human nature but it does not lessen his perception. His greatness lies in the paramount principles that lead him to live life with no compromise and thought provoking inspiration for upcoming generations.

Jinnah’s independence campaign taught lesson of courage and sublime faith for standing against those who are barrier to the cause. He poured new life by showing the importance of will power for achieving a cause. Jinnah’s trust on man realized his dream into reality. He introduced concept of Unity to give equal opportunities to all and his followers hold this message efficiently.
(Words 166)
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  #98  
Old Thursday, August 16, 2007
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Arrow Sorry Hayatkhan & Secondopinion

Sorry Hayatkhan & Secondopinion

I will be adding suggestions for your precis by tomorrow. Your work is good but it need some preening. That I will suggest tomorrow. Definately it wont be disected in a manner of Sam Dya but will guide you to write a good precis.

I know its not good to be late always but their are not only time constraints but other reasons as well. I was facing internet access problem during last week that caused long delay. But Inshshallah I will be adding next passage tomorrow alongwith correction to your precis.
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  #99  
Old Friday, August 17, 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by secondopinion02
M.A. JINNAH – A SOURCE OF INSPIRATION


There are different ways of commemorating the centenary of a remarkable personality. However, the best way to pay homage and to celebrate the important dates attached with the father of nation, Muhammad Ali Jinnah, is to scrutinize more closely his unique life and endeavors. For a long time, he has been made a showpiece worthy of merely sightseeing as well as admiration and nothing more. Although, his life, as closely analyzed, is not without failures and disorders, but it is in a perfect harmony with his paramount principles of righteousness with which he never compromised. He, through his persistent movements, revolutionized the physically and mentally subjugated nation into an indispensable force to reckon with. He taught the nation how to prepare itself for a sublime cause of freedom, thus invigorated in the lives and souls of the masses that Pakistan was the reality of their dreams for an independent life. Still, many people believe in and practically follow the Jinnah's utmost principles of public welfare. (165 words)
Quote:
There are different ways of commemorating the centenary of a remarkable personality. However, the best way to pay homage and to celebrate the important dates attached with the father of nation, Muhammad Ali Jinnah, is to scrutinize more closely his unique life and endeavors. (Words 44)
You have described first paragraph in 44 words. Used good vocabulary to colour it but its verbose as well. In the whole passage father of nation has not being used for Jinnah so how you can use it…? While writing précis we are bound to the information given in the passage. It has no value how much we know about the topic. I have given my suggestions in the last post so go through them once.
I don’t mean that you shall always make a précis by separating it into paragraphs it means to take a help and divide it in a way that you can precise every point of the passage. I started practice after long time thus given you the passage that was quite easy and can be separated comfortably but sometime it happens that a paragraph deals only with examples thus we cannot make a précis this way.

Quote:
For a long time, he has been made a showpiece worthy of merely sightseeing as well as admiration and nothing more. Although, his life, as closely analyzed, is not without failures and disorders, but it is in a perfect harmony with his paramount principles of righteousness with which he never compromised. (Words 44)
Your bolded line can be reduced further but next line is really impressive.

Quote:
He, through his persistent movements, revolutionized the physically and mentally subjugated nation into an indispensable force to reckon with. He taught the nation how to prepare itself for a sublime cause of freedom, thus invigorated in the lives and souls of the masses that Pakistan was the reality of their dreams for an independent life. Still, many people believe in and practically follow the Jinnah's utmost principles of public welfare. (70 words)
Well knitted passage there should be a round of applause for you . Here I would like to say that these lines are excellent but you were unable to leave an impression in initial sentences so always care for making impression in a very first line.

Keep it up....!
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  #100  
Old Friday, August 17, 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HayatKhan
Jinnah’s life a source of inspiration
.

A great man centenary can be celebrated in two ways. First, we formally admire the person; praise his great qualities and his services for the human being. Secondly, we not only admire him but examine his life carefully. His life can be a source of actuation while facing difficult situations. The valid way to celebrate Jinnah’s centenary is the second. We have already admired him too much jeopardizing him as a superhuman. After all he was human and every human has its own strength and weaknesses. If we sideline his leadership for a while and examine his personal life, we would notice that he was always committed to his principles he lived by. He was always a distinguished man. The main thing that one can learn form Jinnah’s independence campaign is the self confidence and self belief. He was very much determined that his dream land Pakistan would be a land of equal opportunities for all as Pakistan has the word “Unity” which elaborates welfare of all. (167 words)

Very Good effort no doubt.
Your effort was really wonderful need and here I have made some minor replacements to polish it. You have presented it as a whole and here I would like to tell you the skills you owe;

Understanding of concept
Merging of whole passage in a paragraph
Capturing basic ideas from a lot

So keep it up and put some more efforts.

A great man’s centenary can be celebrated in two ways either by formal admiration of great qualities and services for human race or by scrutinized analysis of his life and taking an inspiration for implementing his principals. His life can be a source of actuation while facing difficult situations. The valid way to celebrate Jinnah’s centenary is the second. We have already admired him too much jeopardizing him as a superhuman. After all he was human and every human has its own strength and weaknesses. If we sideline his leadership for a while and examine his personal life, we would notice that he was always committed to his principles he lived by. He was always a distinguished man. The main thing that one can learn form Jinnah’s independence campaign is power of self confidence and self belief. He was determined that his dreamland Pakistan would be a land of equal opportunities for all as he given slogan of “Unity” which elaborates welfare of all. (164 words)
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