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  #101  
Old Friday, August 17, 2007
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SALAM MISS_NAQVI; or (APPI if you allow me too)

I hope you will not mind as I am broaching up a healthy discussion as per my little understanding; and request you that if you find anything incorrect in logic or opinion then please admonish and correct me:

Quote:
You have described first paragraph in 44 words. Used good vocabulary to colour it but its verbose as well.
This is not a paragraph. Please read again my precis, I have made a whole paragraph of 165 words. Here, I would like to further define what is a paragraph

"A group of sentences developing a single idea from a topic sentence." or "A series of sentences which are about one aspect of a topic."

and here is my topic sentence

"However, the best way to pay homage and to celebrate the important dates attached with the father of nation, Muhammad Ali Jinnah, is to scrutinize more closely his unique life and endeavors."

Above "topic sentence" summarizes the ambit of discussion in the precis. It contains all the essential words covering all the major points of precis.

Quote:
...In the whole passage father of nation has not being used for Jinnah so how you can use it…? While writing précis we are bound to the information given in the passage. It has no value how much we know about the topic. I have given my suggestions in the last post so go through them once.

As you know very well that we can use a single word or a phrase that clarify the meaning of the group of words or sentences. Sometimes, we can define the whole theme of the given paragraph by using single word or phrase, for example, in heading you use such words that represents whole of the meaning of the paragraph. Who told you that we must stick to the words of orginal passage?
Now, I tell you why I have used "father of nation", read the following part of the original paragraph...

"Perhaps the main thing to learn from Jinnah’s early independence campaigns is that even people who seem to suffer from a slave mentality can learn to stand up to overwhelming power............... that Jinnah has done for us is to show us how to stand up on our own feet. He has put backbone into us. I think Jinnah wanted all men to believe that, if they have faith in some great cause, they are not strong enough. ‘You are as strong as you think you are’ he would say, “you are as strong as I am”."

Above part of the paragraph said that Jinnah taught nation how to stand up on its feet; put backbone into us; gave confidence by saying "you are as strong as I am"....

Tell me, who does all these things? definitely a "Father" as we take it figuratively....so, why have you declared that "father of nation" is my own opinion? if you still say that my use of "father of nation" is biased then it is an injustice.





Quote:
... I don’t mean that you shall always make a précis by separating it into paragraphs it means to take a help and divide it in a way that you can precise every point of the passage. I started practice after long time thus given you the passage that was quite easy and can be separated comfortably but sometime it happens that a paragraph deals only with examples thus we cannot make a précis this way.
It is a matter of individual writing style. As you already know topic is very simple and even total word precis required is small; for me there is no need to elaborate a simple one into two or more paragraphs.



Quote:
....("For a long time, he has been made a showpiece worthy of merely sightseeing as well as admiration and nothing more. Although, his life, as closely analyzed, is not without failures and disorders, but it is in a perfect harmony with his paramount principles of righteousness with which he never compromised." )Your bolded line can be reduced further but next line is really impressive.

This is not a reason to shorten the first sentence, as you have said it is lengthy.... In this way, one can say all the sentences are lengthy. Just see, whether the whole precis describes the essential points of the parargahp or not. See the transition word "although" that is connecting the two sentences and the next sentence clearly contrasts the logic of the first sentence.


Quote:
"Well knitted passage there should be a round of applause for you . Here I would like to say that these lines are excellent but you were unable to leave an impression in initial sentences so always care for making impression in a very first line."
My whole consideration was to make precis as simple as possible to read and comprehend.... as that is the most important quality of the precis .... otherwise, the original passage is itself very impressive from top to bottom.


================================================== =========

I request you to please do not limit your discussions merely making precis or analysis. Let's also discuss grammatical mistakes or errors, it would be beneficial for all of us. Sometimes we say that I have written it hurriedly, that's why mistakes could be expected, but we, the CSS aspirants, should endeavor to make no mistakes.

RED = mistakes
BLUE = ADDITIONs
BOLD = COMMENTS

Now, come to the analysis of your suggested precis


There are two possibilities of celebrating great man’s birthday; one by making monument and putting it at height and other is to peep into his life as human and take inspiration to eye with life. MISTAKE OF "PARALLEL STRUCTURE". IT SHOULD BE "to peep into his life as human and to take inspiration with an eye to his life" (NOTE: "with an eye to something" means having something as a purpose or objective) Jinnah should be appreciated as a model man AWKWARD PHRASE; IT SHOULD BE "an ideal" by separating him from leadership rather than seeing him as sculpture of greatness that is hanged high for momentary admiration without any inspiration and action. Jinnah also owes shortcomings to share human nature THE PHRASE GIVES MEANING THAT JINNAH'S NATURE IS NOT OF HUMAN. ORIGINAL PASSAGE CLEARLY STATES THAT "he had his human failings, his errors of judgment and all the rest, like any other man." but it does not lessen his perception. His greatness lies in the paramount principles that lead him to live a life with no compromise and thought provoking inspiration for upcoming generations. AGAIN MISTAKE OF "PARALLEL STRUCTURE". "THOUGHT" IS NOT PARALLEL WITH "LEAD".

Jinnah’s independence campaign taught lesson of courage and sublime faith for standing against those who are were barrier to the cause. He poured new life by showing the importance of will power for achieving a cause. Jinnah’s trust on man realized his dream into reality. SENTENCE IS "ILLOGICAL" BY USING "man". IT SEEMS JINNAH WAS ITSELF NOT A MAN OR HE RELIED THE WHOLE HUMANITY IF WE TAKE MAN FOR ALL HUMAN BEINGS He introduced concept of Unity to give equal opportunities to all and his followers hold HELD this message efficiently. AGAIN "UNPARALLEL SENTENCE" BECAUSE YOU HAVE USED PAST TENSE "TAUGHT" IN THE FIRST CLAUSE BUT "HOLD" IN THE SECOND. MOREOVER, SOMETHING CANNOT BE HELD "EFFICIENTLY", BUT CAN BE DONE "EFFICIENTLY". HERE YOU SHOULD USE "ENTHUSIASTICALLY OR FERVENTLY OR ARDENTLY"
(Words 166)

OVERVIEW OF YOUR SUGGESTED PRECIS

* There are total 8 big sentences in your precis, out of which 4 sentences start with "Jinnah"; 2 with "he"; 1 with "his". Doesn't it seem dull or monotonous to repeat many sentences starting with same words.

* There is no "transition" words or phrases; therefore, your precis is not cohesive.

* Use of word "inspiration" too many times.

* So many "parallel structure" mistakes.

Thanks with an apology if you disliked my rejoinder...
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  #102  
Old Friday, August 17, 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by secondopinion02
SALAM MISS_NAQVI; or (APPI if you allow me too)
I dont mind it at all you can also call me Api.

Quote:
I hope you will not mind as I am broaching up a healthy discussion as per my little understanding; and request you that if you find anything incorrect in logic or opinion then please admonish and correct me:
Well brother I m quite optimistic and I do believe that I am also in learning phase and will learn through your expertiese. You know the meaning of teaching has been changed now. Its no more jug and mug example rather its two way learning process.

Its very good opportunity for me as well to learn things by your ppl. Its quite long that I am out of touch and not doing anything related to it so I can also make mistakes. I would answer your each and every question by tomorrow or you have to wait till sunday but I will reply all the contradictions.
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  #103  
Old Saturday, August 18, 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by secondopinion02
SALAM MISS_NAQVI; or (APPI if you allow me too)

This is not a paragraph. Please read again my precis, I have made a whole paragraph of 165 words. Here, I would like to further define what is a paragraph

"A group of sentences developing a single idea from a topic sentence." or "A series of sentences which are about one aspect of a topic."

and here is my topic sentence

"However, the best way to pay homage and to celebrate the important dates attached with the father of nation, Muhammad Ali Jinnah, is to scrutinize more closely his unique life and endeavors."

Above "topic sentence" summarizes the ambit of discussion in the precis. It contains all the essential words covering all the major points of precis.
Well brother here u r unjust and just making a critic comment. When I m talking about paragraph it means that you have described one paragraph of the passage chosen for précis in 44 word that is elaboration of ideas. If you think that I don’t know the definition of sentence or paragraph it would be unfair.


Quote:
As you know very well that we can use a single word or a phrase that clarify the meaning of the group of words or sentences. Sometimes, we can define the whole theme of the given paragraph by using single word or phrase, for example, in heading you use such words that represents whole of the meaning of the paragraph. Who told you that we must stick to the words of orginal passage?
Now, I tell you why I have used "father of nation", read the following part of the original paragraph...
No I will not say its wrong bcaz you have justified it in a logical manner and I do accept my carelessness while going through your précis.

[quote]"Perhaps the main thing to learn from Jinnah’s early independence campaigns is that even people who seem to suffer from a slave mentality can learn to stand up to overwhelming power............... that Jinnah has done for us is to show us how to stand up on our own feet. He has put backbone into us. I think Jinnah wanted all men to believe that, if they have faith in some great cause, they are not strong enough. ‘You are as strong as you think you are’ he would say, “you are as strong as I am”."

Well I mean the same that you can opt for any of the style.

Quote:
"For a long time, he has been made a showpiece worthy of merely sightseeing as well as admiration and nothing more. Although, his life, as closely analyzed, is not without failures and disorders, but it is in a perfect harmony with his paramount principles of righteousness with which he never compromised." Your bolded line can be reduced further but next line is really impressive.
This is not a reason to shorten the first sentence, as you have said it is lengthy.... In this way, one can say all the sentences are lengthy. Just see, whether the whole précis describes the essential points of the paragraph or not. See the transition word "although" that is connecting the two sentences and the next sentence clearly contrasts the logic of the first sentence.

Well brother you have taken my point into the wrong sense. I didn’t mean that first line’s length is not up to the mark but I mean to say that it can be reduced further. When I was going through your passage it seemed that you have command over language and you know how to knot words to make a comprehensive sentence. But there were 2 sentences that were not parallel to the whole paragraph that’s y I pointed it out.

Quote:
"Well knitted passage there should be a round of applause for you. Here I would like to say that these lines are excellent but you were unable to leave an impression in initial sentences so always care for making impression in a very first line."

My whole consideration was to make précis as simple as possible to read and comprehend.... as that is the most important quality of the précis.... otherwise the original passage is itself very impressive from top to bottom.
I am agreed to you that passage was so simple and easy and I haven’t said that précis should be difficult or incomprehensible. I think these words were to appreciate your command over language and coherence that you have shown in the précis.

will reply u further by tomorrow. Inshahallah
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  #104  
Old Tuesday, August 21, 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by secondopinion02
RED = mistakes
BLUE = ADDITIONs
BOLD = COMMENTS

Now, come to the analysis of your suggested precis


There are two possibilities of celebrating great man’s birthday; one by making monument and putting it at height and other is to peep into his life as human and take inspiration to eye with life. MISTAKE OF "PARALLEL STRUCTURE". IT SHOULD BE "to peep into his life as human and to take inspiration with an eye to his life" (NOTE: "with an eye to something" means having something as a purpose or objective) Jinnah should be appreciated as a model man AWKWARD PHRASE; IT SHOULD BE "an ideal" by separating him from leadership rather than seeing him as sculpture of greatness that is hanged high for momentary admiration without any inspiration and action. Jinnah also owes shortcomings to share human nature THE PHRASE GIVES MEANING THAT JINNAH'S NATURE IS NOT OF HUMAN. ORIGINAL PASSAGE CLEARLY STATES THAT "he had his human failings, his errors of judgment and all the rest, like any other man." but it does not lessen his perception. His greatness lies in the paramount principles that lead him to live a life with no compromise and thought provoking inspiration for upcoming generations. AGAIN MISTAKE OF "PARALLEL STRUCTURE". "THOUGHT" IS NOT PARALLEL WITH "LEAD".

Jinnah’s independence campaign taught lesson of courage and sublime faith for standing against those who are were barrier to the cause. He poured new life by showing the importance of will power for achieving a cause. Jinnah’s trust on man realized his dream into reality. SENTENCE IS "ILLOGICAL" BY USING "man". IT SEEMS JINNAH WAS ITSELF NOT A MAN OR HE RELIED THE WHOLE HUMANITY IF WE TAKE MAN FOR ALL HUMAN BEINGS He introduced concept of Unity to give equal opportunities to all and his followers hold HELD this message efficiently. AGAIN "UNPARALLEL SENTENCE" BECAUSE YOU HAVE USED PAST TENSE "TAUGHT" IN THE FIRST CLAUSE BUT "HOLD" IN THE SECOND. MOREOVER, SOMETHING CANNOT BE HELD "EFFICIENTLY", BUT CAN BE DONE "EFFICIENTLY". HERE YOU SHOULD USE "ENTHUSIASTICALLY OR FERVENTLY OR ARDENTLY"
(Words 166)
Thanks for the disection of the precis. I started it after 6 month so there was a need to give me a push that is given by you. When I started this thread again the purpose was to continue my thread but now will work for it in real sense. So here goes my comments.

Your first suggestion about mistake:
As per your say we use figurative language and when I have said to eye with life it means to face the problems of life.
You have given logic to your suggestion that is not matching to my concept.
I hope it will clear the concept for using combination “to eye with life”.

2nd Suggestion: I am agreed to your suggestion that “an ideal” is more suitable then model man so thanks for your kind suggestion.

3rd Suggestion: At some place we can use rather without adding than and I have read it as well but if you are sure that rather can’t be use without than it would be your favour to confirm this for my correction.

4th Suggestion: Here u r again raising the point that is not valid. While I m saying that to share human nature. It means although he is considered very high but he also has human failings like any other man (its very nature of humans to commit mistakes well known saying is “to err is human” it the meaning of share human nature is the same that he also has human flaws)

Jinnah also owes shortcomings to share human nature but it does not lesson his perception. As per my knowledge there is no problem with the structure of the sentence.

5th Suggestion: addition of “a” is really need of the sentence.

6th Suggestion: In the paragraph it is clearly said, “He was always, and must always be, a disturbing man, who tries to shake us out of our complacency”
If you are getting the meaning of it then you will realize that use of phrasal combination (thought provoking) is not a wrong expression.

7th Suggestion: I do accept my mistake of using word efficiently that is out of place.


Quote:
OVERVIEW OF YOUR SUGGESTED PRECIS

* There are total 8 big sentences in your precis, out of which 4 sentences start with "Jinnah"; 2 with "he"; 1 with "his". Doesn't it seem dull or monotonous to repeat many sentences starting with same words.

* There is no "transition" words or phrases; therefore, your precis is not cohesive.

* Use of word "inspiration" too many times.

* So many "parallel structure" mistakes.

Thanks with an apology if you disliked my rejoinder...
No I really like it caz your overview is exactly as I have written it. Definately if I m optimist I will accept it as you have said but being a human I would like to give only one justification that I made precis seperately and then joined it without giving it second reading. So its my mistake but in future I would be more then careful caz i know that a person like secondopinion is also reading it. Thanks once again for pointing out the mistakes I had committed.

I will add new passage Inshahallah tomorrow.
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  #105  
Old Wednesday, August 22, 2007
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Quote:
Thanks for the disection of the precis. I started it after 6 month so there was a need to give me a push that is given by you. When I started this thread again the purpose was to continue my thread but now will work for it in real sense. So here goes my comments.


Appi... I never hesitate to criticize anyone, even myself, if something goes against consciousness. What do you mean by real sense? It means you were previously not serious in your approach as a teacher.... moreover, as a teacher you must be more meticulous coz whatever you teach will engrave into the minds of many students including me. And many people are learning here, it means your slackness of being in a state of "not in a real sense" previously would be a loss equivalent to 25 marks multiplied by the people who learnt here from you.

================================================== ================================================== ====================


Quote:
Your first suggestion about mistake:
As per your say we use figurative language and when I have said to eye with life it means to face the problems of life.
You have given logic to your suggestion that is not matching to my concept.
I hope it will clear the concept for using combination “to eye with life”.


Read carefully my correction again in which I did not actually correct the idiom but mistake of PARALLEL STRUCTURE and for that I have adjusted the sequence of the sentence by the use of "with an eye to" idiom:

Now first see your incorrect sentence below:

"to peep into his life as human and take inspiration to eye with life."

To make it correct you must use the same pattern of phrases, before and after the word "and"

See the correct one:

Quote:
"to peep into his life as human and to take inspiration......
Now come to the problem of using the idiom of yours to eye with life

This idiom in the above corrected sentence would look more awkward, see below how would it look like:

Quote:
to peep into his life as human and to take inspiration to eye with life
it has three "infinitives"

therefore, I have replaced with an adjusting idiom "with an eye to something."; see below

Quote:
...to peep into his life as human and to take inspiration with an eye to his life..
two "infinitives" parallel before as well as after "and"

I don't mean to say that my idiom will convey your own idea, but just used it here keeping in mind to make sentence adjust.

================================================== ================================================== ====================


Your next argument:

Quote:
3rd Suggestion: At some place we can use rather without adding than and I have read it as well but if you are sure that rather can’t be use without than it would be your favour to confirm this for my correction.


It depends upon how you use rather and rather than

you are using rather as an Adverb that qualifies the word "seeing", but this would not carry the meaning that you actually want to convey because you are contrasting Jinnah's real life from "leadership". Therefore, "rather than" is correct to use as it balances the part of a long sentence as follows:


Quote:
....by separating him from leadership rather than seeing him as sculpture of greatness .....
================================================== ================================================== =======================


Quote:
4th Suggestion: Here u r again raising the point that is not valid. While I m saying that to share human nature. It means although he is considered very high but he also has human failings like any other man (its very nature of humans to commit mistakes well known saying is “to err is human” it the meaning of share human nature is the same that he also has human flaws)



You own argument as stated above contradicts the opinion that you have mentioned in the sentence as given below:

Quote:
Jinnah also owes shortcomings to share human nature ......
In the above argument you said that you had written "to share human nature" in a sense that to err is human. Now I request you to please read again what you have written....

Now, see the phrase "Jinnah also owes shortcomings" that you have written.... and after that you have written "to share human nature". Now guess yourself the meaning... Got it?

It means that it is Jinnah's deficiency (Note: shortcoming means "lacking" or "deficient") "to share human nature" (or in your own words "to error is human"). In short, he is faultless or perfect.... in this sense everything in the precis written would be wrong.

Moreover, "to share human nature" looks totally inappropriate in the sense of the sentence you have attempted to use.

(please at least read your own written material carefully... thanks)

================================================== ================================================== =======================


Quote:
6th Suggestion: In the paragraph it is clearly said, “He was always, and must always be, a disturbing man, who tries to shake us out of our complacency”
If you are getting the meaning of it then you will realize that use of phrasal combination (thought provoking) is not a wrong expression.


I haven't said anything against "thought provoking" in my correction.....I have said that you hadn't matched taught with lead, See below your wrong sentence structure:

Quote:
His greatness lies in the paramount principles that lead him to live a life with no compromise and thought provoking inspiration for upcoming generations.
To make the above sentence PARALLEL you must start your next clause after "and" with verb. In this way your whole stentence would be balanced, parallel or correct... see the difference in the following corrected sentence....

Quote:
His greatness lies in the paramount principles that lead led him to live a life with no compromise and gave him thought provoking inspiration for upcoming generations.
================================================== ================================================== =========================

T H A N K S

================================================== ================================================== =========================
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  #106  
Old Wednesday, August 22, 2007
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Quote:
Appi... I never hesitate to criticize anyone, even myself, if something goes against consciousness. What do you mean by real sense?
Its really a great thing to indicate healthy criticism caz only those who have analytical command can make changes.
When I said real sense it means two or three readings after going through a passage once and cosmetic of precis before its final submission to make it flawless in my limited capacity.

Quote:
It means you were previously not serious in your approach as a teacher.... moreover, as a teacher you must be more meticulous coz whatever you teach will engrave into the minds of many students including me. And many people are learning here, it means your slackness of being in a state of "not in a real sense" previously would be a loss equivalent to 25 marks multiplied by the people who learnt here from you.
I m very serious teacher and how you can doubt on the basis of one post that is being discussed...? Brother I am always very carefull and if you ever gone through previous posts of this thread you will come to know that I examined each and every point in a very careful manner and made corrections within my limited capacities along with suggestions. Although it wasnt my headache to spare time for making corrections and giving suggestions even initially I shown it to my teacher as well. I did that all bcaz I really love it and want to help those who dont have other resources.

Well brother I never wished to play with the future of CSS aspirants caz my experience has realized me that CSS is not the matter of loss or win but for me its the matter of learning dat help you in your life proceedings. The broadened vision blesses you analytical power that is more to everything.

Thanks for all the efforts you made to bring my precis into proper order. I really appreciate it and do expect that you will be with me while proceeding this thread further and you would sacrifice your time if I m not able to spare it.

Once again thanks and plz never think that I will play with the hopes of CSS aspirants.

With Best Regards
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  #107  
Old Friday, August 24, 2007
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AOA,

Dear Miss Naqvi,

I am the most stupid, senseless, dull and idiot man. I was rude and sarcastic in my behavior throughout my discussion. You had continuously maintained an appreciative stance towards me, while I was thoroughly unfair in my attitude of not being showing any glimmer of goodwill towards you. Now, I want to disclose the most important things that you have done..........

1. Inspired the rusting CSS aspirants to charge their dendrites by prodding them to practice the Precis.

2. Spent your worthy time in guiding and teaching them for a long period.

3. Most importantly, your love and dedication for the CSS Aspirants is invaluable.

4. As Einstein said, "Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration." You tried to give that one percent inspiration to the would-be future elite bureaucrats of our country. The rest depends upon their perspiration.

5. And last but not the least, I have found in you an honest, humble, friendly, cooperative, affectionate, cool-minded, and flexible personality. May God Bless You! Amen.

Please, forgive me for my tin-pot behavior....and I promise you for any cooperation that you would like within my limited capacities.

regards,

SYED AAMIR ALI SHAH
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  #108  
Old Sunday, August 26, 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by secondopinion02
AOA,

Dear Miss Naqvi,

I am the most stupid, senseless, dull and idiot man. I was rude and sarcastic in my behavior throughout my discussion. You had continuously maintained an appreciative stance towards me, while I was thoroughly unfair in my attitude of not being showing any glimmer of goodwill towards you. Now, I want to disclose the most important things that you have done..........

1. Inspired the rusting CSS aspirants to charge their dendrites by prodding them to practice the Precis.

2. Spent your worthy time in guiding and teaching them for a long period.

3. Most importantly, your love and dedication for the CSS Aspirants is invaluable.

4. As Einstein said, "Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration." You tried to give that one percent inspiration to the would-be future elite bureaucrats of our country. The rest depends upon their perspiration.

5. And last but not the least, I have found in you an honest, humble, friendly, cooperative, affectionate, cool-minded, and flexible personality. May God Bless You! Amen.

Please, forgive me for my tin-pot behavior....and I promise you for any cooperation that you would like within my limited capacities.

regards,

SYED AAMIR ALI SHAH
No brother its okey, you are younger to me and dont have practical experience thus you lose temper early. I havent mind any of your word rather tried to reply you in the sense that you can realize the situation I m in. I hope from now I will be having your support to run this thread and if I couldnt spare some time you would be sparing it.

Good Luck and keep working the way you are now.......!
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  #109  
Old Monday, August 27, 2007
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Thumbs up Passage 9

Dear members Sorry for putting you in wait again and again.

So here goes the next passage and you have to make precis within 10 days I mean by 7th of September and I will try to add new passage after suggestions by 10th of September.

Passage 9


Each nation has its own peculiar character which distinguishes it from others. But the peoples of the world have more points in which they are all like each other than points in which they are different. One type of person that is common in every country is the one who always tries to do as little as he possibly can and to get as much in return as he can. Hiss opposite, the man who is in the habit of doing more than is strictly necessary and is ready to accept what is offered in return, is rare everywhere.

Both these types are usually unconscious of their character. The man who avoids effort is always talking about his ‘rights’; he appears to think that society owes him a pleasant, easy life. The man who is always doing more than his share talk of ‘duties’; he feels that the individual is in debt to society, and not society to the individual. As a result of their views, neither of these men thinks that he behaves at all strangely.

The man who tries to do as little as he can is always full of excuses; if he has neglected to do something, it was because he had a headache, or the weather was too hot-or too cold- or because he was prevented by bad luck. At first, other people, such as his friends and his employer, generously accept his stories; but soon they realize what kind of person he is. In the long run he deceives only himself. When his friends become cool towards him and he fails to make progress in his job, he is surprised and hurt. He blames everyone and everything except himself. He feels that society is failing in its duties towards him, and that he is being unjustly treated. He soon becomes one of the discontented members of the society he lives in.

He public-spirited opposite is never too busy to take on an extra piece of work; that is the strangest thing about the whole business. If you want something done in a hurry, don’t go to the man who has clearly no much to do. He will probably have a dozen excellent excuses for not being able to help you, much as he claims he would like to. Go to the busiest man you know, particularly if you are sure that he has not a spare minute in the week. If your work is really important, he will make time for it. (Words 417)
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  #110  
Old Wednesday, August 29, 2007
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Well.......hopefully i'll be posting my attempt in time.....this time round. Anywayz, here goes nothing.....


Title: Two kinds of Men

All nations are unique but the similarities amongst them are more than their differences. Indolent men with parasitic inclinations are found worldwide whereas the content over-diligent busy bodies are a rarity. Both are usually unaware of their idiosyncrasies. Resultantly, the lazy man demands his rights as if society is indebted to him and the hard worker thinks the opposite and talks about obligations. The former is a master at making excuses. Initially, his peers believe him but they soon wise up. His self-deception leads to his failure. Disappointed, he wrongly accuses everyone apart from himself for his predicament and thus becomes a distraught individual. The latter man always takes on challenges. Ironically, in times of need, the lethargic man who is idle is the least dependable although he may say otherwise and the busiest man is the most dependable.

Words: 139 words.

Target: 417/3 = 139 words.


Regarding last time's precis.....Rules are rules and we are meant to follow them. I know you are bound by the regulations of the thread and that your intentions are good. So no hard feelings. The only thing/line I didn't understand was this one:
Quote:
Really sorry caz you are late more to me.
which was taken from the following paragraph you wrote:-

Quote:
My answer is same to you that precis submitted after analysis is not eligible to meet the criteria of correction. Really sorry caz you are late more to me. So try next time.
Would you like to elaborate? It seems like a typo/grammatical mistake therefore I cudn't get you.

SUGGESTIONS

Anywayz, I would like to make a couple of suggestions that MAY OR MAY NOT improve the thread/precis writing exercise.

1. Would it be possible for you to also score our feeble attempts at precising the paragraphs. It will give us an idea of how good.....(or BAD) our preces are.....(ALSO WHAT IS THE PLURAL OF PRECIS?).....It cud be a relative scale and help us compare our preces.....(AGAIN>>>>>WHAT IS THE PLURAL OF PRECIS?) with each other and with the MODEL PRECIS.

2. Could you also announce the best precis...(OF COURSE, AFTER YOUR MODEL PRECIS, THAT IS) amongst the participants of the thread for a specific passage. Once again, it will help the participants to compare their attempts with that of the Model and the best precis. In addition, it will create a sense of competition amongst the participants of the thread.


The above suggestions are just suggestions. You can follow them or you can throw them in the trash, that is up to you.

Anywayz, I'll be waiting for your reply, Miss Naqvi. DON'T WORK SO HARD THAT YOU FALL SICK AND DO TAKE CARE!!!!!!!!!

Take Care and Stay Cool!

Regards..............
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Last edited by prieti; Thursday, August 30, 2007 at 01:16 AM.
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