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  #21  
Old Sunday, December 24, 2006
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nosheen
Jam sahib:The player of real cricket.

The price jam Sahib has ended his inns of his excellent career and the stadium and the stadium looks empty.The great cricket has now become the part of happy past.Indian batsman will always be a symbole of his game niether because of his excellent record of 3000 runs with the average of 87,nor for the his best 200 against the powerful bowling team like Yorkshire but because of the fervour that he lend to the game as against the mechanical runs of Shrewsbury.For cricket is not hust the game of barren runs but also of playfulness,excitement and sensation.Jam's talent lies not merely in making runs like machine but the sensation and excitement that he added to his game.Perhaps that's why he is so famous in his kingdom as he knows how to make others happy along with him.
Jam sahib: The real cricketer.

The prince jam Sahib has ended excellent innings of his career and the stadium was silent . The great cricket has now become the part of happy past. Indian batsman will always be a symbol of his game neither because of his excellent record of 3000 runs with the average of 87,nor for the his best 200 against the powerful bowling team like Yorkshire but because of the fervor that he lend to the game as against the mechanical runs of Shrewsbury. Cricket is not hunting barren runs but also of playfulness, excitement and sensation. Jamís talent lies not merely in making runs like machine but the sensation and excitement that he added to his game. Perhaps that's why he is as famous in his kingdom as he knows how to make others happy along with him. By Nosheen (words: 136)

well Done Nosheen no doubt your effort was very good. But dear you committed some grammatical mistakes and it may be due to quick typing. I have reshaped one line of your prťcis. Otherwise you have condensed the passage in an artful manner. Yea one more thing is about title, you have to condense it so I have deleted 2 words from your title.
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  #22  
Old Sunday, December 24, 2006
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jam sahib,great devotee of cricket,made brilliant records with a fine average of score.unlike other batsmen, he gives his all while bating on the ground.he is an enthusiastic spectator of the cricket further more he is respected in his principality because of cricket.
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  #23  
Old Sunday, December 24, 2006
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shabab Khan
Jam sahib, an Indian prince of a small state, is a great king of the Englishman's game of cricket. He not only has brilliant season's average of scoring runs and other record breaking statistics, but the way he gets runs is trully admirable. He plays in an adventerous, joyous and spirited fashion. Unlike few other batsmen, who are dull and mechanical in their approach and play the game as if conducting business, Jam sahib is full of passion and sportsman spirit. He brings great enthusiasm and unselfishness to the game of cricket. He is not only spectacular to watch in the playground but he is also loved and respected by people in his kingdom of Nawanagar because of his attitude of finding happiness in giving happiness.
Shabab this time your work is laudable in the real sense. You have written a well knitted paragraph and condensed the passage skillfully but brother there is little mistake in giving a title. As the whole passage is about Jam Sahib so title should be Jam Sahib: A True Sportsman I have reshaped only one line of your précis just to attain the demand of words.

A True Sportsman

Jam sahib, an Indian prince of a small state, is a great king of the Englishman's game of cricket. He not only has brilliant season's average of scoring 3000 runs and other record breaking statistics, but the way he gets runs is truly admirable. He scored against the best bowling team of Yorkshire and his adventurous, joyous and spirited fashion delight the spectators . Unlike few other batsmen, who are dull and mechanical in their approach and play the game as if conducting business, Jam sahib is full of passion and sportsman spirit. He brings great enthusiasm and unselfishness to the game of cricket. He is not only spectacular to watch in the playground but he is also loved and respected by people in his kingdom of Nawanagar because of his attitude of finding happiness in giving happiness.
(words 137)
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  #24  
Old Sunday, December 24, 2006
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dr.junaid
jam sahib,great devotee of cricket, made brilliant records with a fine average of score.unlike other batsmen, he gives his all while bating on the ground.he is an enthusiastic spectator of the cricket further more he is respected in his principality because of cricket.
Dr Junaid you have to take care of word limits you have flow of writing but your prťcis is not according to the word limit. Hope you will understand. I m going to add analysis of the passage so you can check it out and afterwards you can add your work.
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  #25  
Old Sunday, December 24, 2006
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Analysis of the passage

First Paragraph
The paragraph is in a rhetorical style and its aim is to impress the reader and not to give many arguments. The first sentence tells what is stated clearly in the second sentence. Third, fourth even fifth sentences are just repetitions. So the analysis of the paragraph is:

Topic Point: Jam Sahib will live in the memory as a cricketer.
Supporting arguments: None

Second Paragraph
The style in this paragraph becomes more explanatory than rhetorical. But one can easily judge that third and fifth sentences give us two of his achievements as a cricketer. So the topic point of the first paragraph is the argument of the second paragraph.

Topic Point: Jam Sahib was a great batsman.
Supporting arguments:
(1) During the season his average score was 87 and total 3000 runs.
(2) He collected 3000 runs three times.
(3) He scored two double centuries in a single match on a single day against Yorkshire.


[COLOR="red"] Third Paragraph
This paragraph is also somewhat explanatory. The writer begins with a generalization. Then he comes to the game of other cricketers and compares with the adventurous game of Jam Sahib. Towards the close he points out that he was popular as a king as well.

Topic Point: The way he played was commendable.
Supporting arguments:
(1) Jam Sahibís game was not dull; there was an enthusiasm in getting runs. Shrewsbury was technically perfect but dull player.
(2) He did not aim at getting runs only rather he delighted the spectators.
(3) Even as a king he aimed at the pleasure of the public; so he was popular.


Topic Point of the Passage: Jam Sahib was a delightful cricketer and popular king.

Title: Jam Sahib: The cricketer and King

Jam Sahib was a delightful cricketer and popular king. As cricketer he will live in the memories of people. One of his achievements was his average score of 87 and total 3000 runs in a season. He totaled 3000 runs thrice in his career and none else could equal his record. But more commendable was his achievement of scoring double centuries in a single match on a single day and the performance was against the powerful team of Yorkshire. Apart from getting runs his game was praiseworthy. Rather dull he was enthusiastic in getting runs. By way of contrast Shrewsbury was technically sound but quite dull in scoring. Jam Sahib did not aim at getting runs; he delighted the spectators. Peopleís pleasure was his aim as a king. That is why he was a popular king. (Words 136)
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  #26  
Old Sunday, December 24, 2006
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the famous king,jam sahib,will never be forgotten as he was a great devotee of cricket.about 3000 runs in a season with an average of 87 was the hallmark of jam sahib.any one equaling the record of jam sahib never appeared on the scene.one of strongest teams,yarkshire,could not stop him from making a double century in one day match.shrewsbury cant be taken as peer to jam sahib as unlike jam sahib he was weak in making score on the board.one of the philosphical reason for his popularity among spectators is,no doubt,his way of making them amused with his game.

mam naqvi i think this time u wont ask me to ...repeat hunder time...
lolz

please let me know this time how was my effort.please tell me if there is any technical error.
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Last edited by Sureshlasi; Thursday, November 22, 2007 at 09:09 PM.
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  #27  
Old Tuesday, December 26, 2006
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dr.junaid
miss naqvi
please let me know this time how was my effort.please tell me if there is any technical error.
I hav read ur precis but sorry Dr Junaid at the moment in great hurry caz tomorrow is my paper so do that you will understand. After finishing my exam I will provide you sufficient help in all the required areas. I will start a thread for expansion of ideas and Inshahallah it will help you to sharpen your skills. I m not replying your IM but provided you a reply here caz you have asked for detailed reply while I m short of time.

Regards
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  #28  
Old Tuesday, January 02, 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dr.junaid
the famous king,jam sahib,will never be forgotten as he was a great devotee of cricket.about 3000 runs in a season with an average of 87 was the hallmark of jam sahib.any one equaling the record of jam sahib never appeared on the scene.one of strongest teams,yarkshire,could not stop him from making a double century in one day match.shrewsbury cant be taken as peer to jam sahib as unlike jam sahib he was weak in making score on the board.one of the philosphical reason for his popularity among spectators is,no doubt,his way of making them amused with his game.

mam naqvi i think this time u wont ask me to ...repeat hunder time...
First few lines about your writing skills. Your writing is compact and concise and its the beauty of writing. You have good vocab of english the thing is to use it according to the requirements. One of my teachers says that every word has its place so if you will misplace them they will lose their worth. So take care of this thing.

Precis

The famous king of cricket, Jam Sahib, will never be forgotten as he was a great devotee of cricket. 3000 runs in a season with an average of 87 was the hallmark of Jam Sahibís career as a great player. Any one equaling the record of jam sahib never appeared on the screen. One of strongest teams, Yorkshire, could not stop him from making a double century in one day match. Shrewsbury canít be taken as peer to jam sahib as unlike jam sahib he was weak in making score on the board and made a pile of averages. One of the philosophical reasons for his popularity among spectators is, the way he add scores on the board and amuse public with his game.
(words 124)

There are some changings to meet the word demand as you have compiled the passage in only 94 words. One more that there is no title for the passage. That carry 5 marks so next time take care of this thing.

dr Junaid me also a learner like you... but my method is different I learn by teaching and always believe teaching is a two way process.
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  #29  
Old Tuesday, January 09, 2007
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So here goes the passage for practice.. I hope now dr Junaid would be happy and Nosheen thanks for considering my problem.

3rd Para

In the competition of life he wins who can do the largest amount of work in the shortest space of time. That is why men use tools, which make one pair of hands to do the work of five or ten. The savage who scratches the earth with his bare hands has to give way to the man who drives the plough. It is not his physical strength but the tools that have enabled man to get6 the best out of cultivation, transport, and such activities as weaving, extracting oil, and making sugar. The plough, the loom, the bullock cart, the horse-drawn vehicle, and the oil press has all reduced time and increased output. They have made progress possible; otherwise there would have been little to distinguish man from the ape.

Man worked with his tools until the advent of machinery driven by steam and electricity. The small tool gave way to the big machine, as bare hands had given way to hands equipped with tools.

If this country is to survive, the time has come for our cultivators to be taught these facts. But it will not help to theorize only; the right answer must be found through actual practice. In Europe and America they have moved far in that direction. They plough and reap, bind the sheaves, and store the crops in granaries; all by means of machines. Adopted in this country, the process would have several advantages. Before cultivation can start, one has often to wait for the rains to come. If there is a brief shower on day, a small plot can be lightly scratched with the ploughshare. If, however, there is no rain in the weeks that follow, the sowing will be late, and the unripe corn may become covered with water in the late monsoon. There may be trouble at harvest, to; extra hands are scarce in the village ad men from outside have to be hired. Should there be a heavy downpour when the reaped crop is still lying in the fields great losses will result. On the other hand, with a mechanical plough and harvester, full advantage could be taken of every favorable turn in the weather; cultivation would be completed and the ripened grain gathered with great speed.

(words 377)
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  #30  
Old Tuesday, January 09, 2007
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Manís tool replaced by modern machinery so as old tactics replaced by modern tools that made up the procedure more speedy and easy. These tools gave better results in a jiffy in this competitive world. Use of machines and technology in this country will result in certain advantages as it is done in west; all procedure from plough to storage is done mostly by machine work. Old procedure of harvesting fields that is a length and cumbersome should be replaced my more mechanical, as a result it will enhance the growth more rapidly.
Title:Modern Methods in Agriculture
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