Kindly evaluate my precise
 

[B]Precis 2014.
Original Passage[/B]

Probably the only protection for contemporary man is to discover how to use his intelligence in the service of love and kindness. The training of human intelligence must include the simultaneous development of the empathic capacity. Only in this way can intelligence be made an instrument of social morality and responsibility — and thereby increase the chances of survival.

The need to produce human beings with trained morally sensitive intelligence is essentially a challenge to educators and educational institutions. Traditionally, the realm of social morality was left to religion and the churches as guardians or custodians. But their failure to fulfill this responsibility and their yielding to the seductive lures of the men of wealth and! pomp and power and documented by the history of the last two thousand years and have now resulted in the irrelevant “God Is Dead” theological rhetoric The more pragmatic men of power have had no time or inclination to deal with the fundamental problems of social morality. For them simplistic Machiavellianism must remain the guiding principle of their decisions-power is morality, morality is power. This oversimplification increases the chances of nuclear devastation. We must therefore hope that educators and educational institutions have the capacity, the commitment and the time to instill moral sensitivity as an integral part of the complex pattern of function human intelligence. Some way must be found in the training of human beings to give them the assurance to love, the security to be kind. and the integrity required for a functional empathy.

Title: [B]Necessity for human development of social empathy[/B]
A man should be well-acquainted how to serve humanity. For this, a human's capacity of empathy must be trained and enriched. This can make survival easier. This challenge falls on the shoulders of educational institutions. Normally, this was the responsibility of teachers of religion but they have failed to do so. Consequently, the man falls in love with wealth and considers power as everything. These delusions can destroy the society. Therefore, it is need of time that the educators commit to instill moral ethics in an individual, resulting in him be loving and kind.

No of words= 94
Total no of words in original precise= 251

Can someone please comment ? :confused:
this is the first precise ever done by me so need the feedback to kick-start ..

Good attempt. But the term is "Precis",not precise.

Good attempt for a starter;however, there is always a room for improvement.
Although, I am not the best person to comment on English precis but I will not shy away from sharing my input. So, here it goes:

Apart from some grammatical mistakes, I think the use of words is also inappropriate. Below is a grammatically correct version (according to my know-how of the subject) of your precis.

Title: Necessity of human development for social empathy

A man should be well-acquainted to serve humanity. For this, a human's capacity of empathy must be trained and enriched. This can make survival easier. This challenge falls on the shoulders of educational institutions. Normally, this was the responsibility of teachers of religion but they have failed to do so. Consequently, the man has fallen in love with wealth and considers power as everything. These delusions can destroy the society. Therefore, it is required that the educators should commit to instil moral ethics in an individual to make him a loving being.


Following is my version of the precis:


The only way for a man to exist in today's world is by employing his acumen to understand feelings of other human beings. Initially, the challenging task of moral education fell in the domain of religious institutions. However, their love for riches, resulted in creating a gap between religion and morality. Furthermore, the amoral policies of politicians, were completely devoid of ethics. This has elevated the risk of a nuclear onslaught. One can only wish that educational institutions are successful in inculcating moral soundness in human beings.

Title: Training human intelligence in empathy and social morality.

I request the members to read my precis and give valuable suggestions for improvement.

Thanks in anticipation.