#21
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Thanks but that is the issue. no one wants to pay such heavy price for being a little creative. Everyone is saying the style is good but not conventional. and i need to stick to conventional style
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#22
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Quote:
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#23
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Quote:
Overall good attempt. Highlighted things below are heinous blunders in the Essay. Please replace first person pronouns with third person. 1) Only because our level of preparedness is miserable. 2) We will have to learn to work with nature rather than fighting against it like China did. 3) We will have to abandon futile measures like constructing embankments and dikes. 4) Instead, we should adopt sagacious initiatives like planting trees, relocating our population and stop polluting the Mother Nature. 5) So if we want to erect an effective defence, an alternative and more holistic approach is an indispensable requirement.
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hazelnut (Sunday, November 22, 2015) |
#24
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But it is about Pakistan and i can use we? or should i use the nation or something like that?
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#25
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Nation, evidently.
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hazelnut (Sunday, November 22, 2015) |
#26
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Quote:
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hazelnut (Sunday, November 22, 2015) |
#27
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Please assess my write-up, I have tried to be simpler as much as I could. I have incorporated simple vocabulary this time. Constructive suggestions would be appreciated. Try to pinpoint grammatical mistakes.
Pakistan's front line role in war on terror & confrontation with militancy Pakistan has been fighting in war on terror for last one and half decade. Having been non-NATO ally she has confronted with militancy. Militant groups such as Talibans, Al-Qaida & ISIS have been enemies of our country. According to the militant groups, Pakistan is deemed pro-American and pro-enemy of Muslim-e-ummah. As a matter of fact, drone attacks have not only devastated terrorists but hordes of innocent people have been killed. It has destabilized the whole South Aisa and world politics. On account of such scenario, the militant groups incite their innocent people in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Egypt and Syria to fight with Pakistan army & western world. On the other hand, India, who is one of the biggest enemies of Pakistan, since its inception, is trying her best to destabilize our country. She has been a supportive source to incite Balouch rebellions & militant groups. She does not miss any chance to fuel the fire. Recent attack in France is a case in point that was also depicted to nexus with Pakistan by India. On account of this scenario Pakistan is passing from a very sensitive epic, due to unwanted militancy in Pakistan, many innocent people have been killed. In addition to that, terrorism has adversely affected our country greater in intensity and larger in scale. It is the need of the hour to take considerable steps to root out terrorism from our country. Although it is a global problem, it can be eliminated with the improvement of socioeconomic and political stability in Pakistan. |
#28
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Grammatical mistakes
Pakistan has been fighting in the war on terror for the last one and a half decade. Having been a non-NATO ally she has confronted with militancy. Militant groups such as Talibans, Al-Qaida & ISIS have been enemies of our country. According to the militant groups, Pakistan is deemed pro-American and pro-enemy of Muslim-e-Ummah. As a matter of fact, the drone attacks have not only devastated terrorists, but hordes of innocent people have been killed. It has destabilized the whole South Asia and world politics. Assessment of text: As a matter of fact, drone attacks have not only devastated terrorists but hordes of innocent people have been killed. It has destabilized the whole South Aisa and world politics. On account of such scenario, the militant groups incite their innocent people in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Egypt and Syria to fight with Pakistan army & western world. [Irrelevant: Seems like topic is : Role of drone attacks. Or, role of militants.] On account of such scenario, the militant groups incite their innocent people in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Egypt and Syria to fight with Pakistan army & western world. On the other hand, India, who is one of the biggest enemies of Pakistan, since its inception, is trying her best to destabilize our country. She has been a supportive source to incite Balouch rebellions & militant groups. She does not miss any chance to fuel the fire. Recent attack in France is a case in point that was also depicted to nexus with Pakistan by India. On account of this scenario Pakistan is passing from a very sensitive epic, due to unwanted militancy in Pakistan, many innocent people have been killed [Avoid Repetition, use synonyms instead.] It is the need of the hour to take considerable steps to root out terrorism from Pakistan
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#29
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Quote:
Yes, the drone attack is also a part of militancy in Pakistan. Pakistan's front line role in war on terror & confrontation with militancy Pakistan has been fighting in the war on terror for the last one and a half decade. Having been non-NATO ally she has confronted with militancy. Militant groups such as Talibans, Al-Qaida & ISIS have been enemies of our country. According to the militant groups, the land of pure people is deemed pro-American and pro-enemy of Muslim-e-ummah. As a matter of fact, the drone attacks not only have killed terrorists but also hoards of innocent people have been killed. It has destabilized the whole South Aisa and world politics. On account of such scenario, the militant groups incite their innocent people in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Egypt and Syria to fight with Pakistan army & western world. On the other hand, India, who is one of the biggest enemies of Pakistan, since its inception, is trying her best to destabilize our country. She has been a supportive source to incite Balouch rebellions & militant groups. She does not miss any chance to add fuel to the fire. Recent attack in France is a case in point that was also depicted to nexus with Pakistan by India. Because of prevailing circumstances, Pakistan is passing through a very sensitive episode, due to unwanted militancy in our country; many innocent people have been killed. In addition to that, terrorism has adversely affected our country greater in intensity and larger in scale. It is the need of the hour to take considerable steps to root out terrorism from Pakistan. Although it is a global problem, it can be eliminated with the improvement of socioeconomic and political stability. Thanks in anticipation |
#30
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Grammatical mistakes
You’ve repeated same 02 mistakes again. 1) Having been non-NATO ally = Having been a non-NATO ally 2) attacks not only have killed terrorists , but also hoards of innocent For text: 1) (Implement although & yet) Having been a non-NATO ally she has confronted with militancy. 2) [You may be right, but it seems irrelevant to the topic. Although, yet or however can work better here] As a matter of fact, the drone attacks not only have killed terrorists , but also hoards of innocent people have been killed. [Therefore or any other transition related to above “although, yet or however”] It has destabilized the whole South Aisa and world politics. 3) [Don’t be specific] On account of such scenario, the militant groups incite their innocent people in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Egypt and Syria to fight with Pakistan army & western world. On account of such scenario, the militant groups incite their (innocent is irrelevant here) people to (use adjective) promote their (use adjective) ideology. 4) [Irrelevant, No need of this sentence] On the other hand, India, who is one of the biggest enemies of Pakistan, since its inception, is trying her best to destabilize our country. 5) [Moreover,] India has been a supportive source to incite Balouch rebellions & militant groups in Pakistan. 6) [No need of this sentence] She does not miss any chance to add fuel to the fire. 7) [No need of this sentence here, or manage it in the beginning] Because of prevailing circumstances, Pakistan is passing through a very sensitive episode, due to unwanted militancy in our country; many innocent people have been killed. 8) [Change the order of sentences] In addition to that, terrorism has adversely affected our country greater in intensity and larger in scale. It is the need of the hour to take considerable steps to root out terrorism from Pakistan. Although it is a global problem, it can be eliminated with the improvement of socioeconomic and political stability. In addition to that, terrorism has adversely affected our country greater in intensity and larger in scale. Although it is a global problem, it can be eliminated with the improvement of socioeconomic and political stability. It is the need of the hour to take considerable steps to root out terrorism from Pakistan.
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