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  #21  
Old Saturday, November 21, 2015
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Thanks but that is the issue. no one wants to pay such heavy price for being a little creative. Everyone is saying the style is good but not conventional. and i need to stick to conventional style
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  #22  
Old Saturday, November 21, 2015
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Originally Posted by hazelnut View Post
Thanks but that is the issue. no one wants to pay such heavy price for being a little creative. Everyone is saying the style is good but not conventional. and i need to stick to conventional style
Whatever floats your boat

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  #23  
Old Saturday, November 21, 2015
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hazelnut View Post
It was a serene morning. The people were following their normal routine unaware of the impending doom. Suddenly, the earth started shaking. The forceful tremors baffled everyone and no one knew what to do. The lethal jolts were increasing in intensity. And as they came to a halt so did the life! Within seconds, everything was devastated. There was wreckage everywhere. Thousands were dead, all the structures fell to the ground and there was no one to help. It felt like the end of times was here. But then as the news of the catastrophe spread, gradually the saviours started coming to rescue. The question here arises that when will we as a nation learn disaster management? It’s not a secret anymore that Pakistan is vulnerable to natural disasters. The hapless nations loses hundreds of precious lives and millions of rupees to the natural disasters every year. Yet the frequent earthquakes and the annual floods always catch us off guard. Only because our level of preparedness is miserable. The institutions created to deal with natural disasters are at loss. They not only lack the administrative capability but also the funds to deal with the humungous task at hand. Moreover, the colossal loss of life and property even after working out national strategies are the proof of ineffectiveness of these strategies. Thereby, it is indispensable to reform the national strategy. We will have to learn to work with nature rather than fighting against it like China did. We will have to abandon futile measures like constructing embankments and dikes. Instead, we should adopt sagacious initiatives like planting trees, relocating our population and stop polluting the Mother Nature. In short, it’s an irrefutable fact that Pakistan is susceptible to the natural disasters. So if we want to erect an effective defence, an alternative and more holistic approach is an indispensable requirement.


Overall good attempt. Highlighted things below are heinous blunders in the Essay. Please replace first person pronouns with third person.

1) Only because our level of preparedness is miserable.
2) We will have to learn to work with nature rather than fighting against it like China did.
3) We will have to abandon futile measures like constructing embankments and dikes.
4) Instead, we should adopt sagacious initiatives like planting trees, relocating our population and stop polluting the Mother Nature.
5) So if we want to erect an effective defence, an alternative and more holistic approach is an indispensable requirement.
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  #24  
Old Sunday, November 22, 2015
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But it is about Pakistan and i can use we? or should i use the nation or something like that?
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Old Sunday, November 22, 2015
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Nation, evidently.
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  #26  
Old Sunday, November 22, 2015
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mustansar~hussain View Post
Overall good attempt. Highlighted things below are heinous blunders in the Essay. Please replace first person pronouns with third person.

1) Only because our level of preparedness is miserable.
2) We will have to learn to work with nature rather than fighting against it like China did.
3) We will have to abandon futile measures like constructing embankments and dikes.
4) Instead, we should adopt sagacious initiatives like planting trees, relocating our population and stop polluting the Mother Nature.
5) So if we want to erect an effective defence, an alternative and more holistic approach is an indispensable requirement.
You are right that one should avoid using the above pronouns, although there is no hard and fast rule it it. Because I myself used pronouns in my essays. Like our country has been facing many problems....Our country needs to be...We can be great nation... and so on. So in my case I can say you can use it in essay paper.
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  #27  
Old Sunday, November 22, 2015
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Please assess my write-up, I have tried to be simpler as much as I could. I have incorporated simple vocabulary this time. Constructive suggestions would be appreciated. Try to pinpoint grammatical mistakes.

Pakistan's front line role in war on terror & confrontation with militancy

Pakistan has been fighting in war on terror for last one and half decade. Having been non-NATO ally she has confronted with militancy. Militant groups such as Talibans, Al-Qaida & ISIS have been enemies of our country. According to the militant groups, Pakistan is deemed pro-American and pro-enemy of Muslim-e-ummah. As a matter of fact, drone attacks have not only devastated terrorists but hordes of innocent people have been killed. It has destabilized the whole South Aisa and world politics. On account of such scenario, the militant groups incite their innocent people in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Egypt and Syria to fight with Pakistan army & western world. On the other hand, India, who is one of the biggest enemies of Pakistan, since its inception, is trying her best to destabilize our country. She has been a supportive source to incite Balouch rebellions & militant groups. She does not miss any chance to fuel the fire. Recent attack in France is a case in point that was also depicted to nexus with Pakistan by India. On account of this scenario Pakistan is passing from a very sensitive epic, due to unwanted militancy in Pakistan, many innocent people have been killed. In addition to that, terrorism has adversely affected our country greater in intensity and larger in scale. It is the need of the hour to take considerable steps to root out terrorism from our country. Although it is a global problem, it can be eliminated with the improvement of socioeconomic and political stability in Pakistan.
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  #28  
Old Sunday, November 22, 2015
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Grammatical mistakes

Pakistan has been fighting in the war on terror for the last one and a half decade. Having been a non-NATO ally she has confronted with militancy. Militant groups such as Talibans, Al-Qaida & ISIS have been enemies of our country. According to the militant groups, Pakistan is deemed pro-American and pro-enemy of Muslim-e-Ummah. As a matter of fact, the drone attacks have not only devastated terrorists, but hordes of innocent people have been killed. It has destabilized the whole South Asia and world politics.

Assessment of text:

As a matter of fact, drone attacks have not only devastated terrorists but hordes of innocent people have been killed. It has destabilized the whole South Aisa and world politics. On account of such scenario, the militant groups incite their innocent people in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Egypt and Syria to fight with Pakistan army & western world.
[Irrelevant: Seems like topic is : Role of drone attacks. Or, role of militants.]


On account of such scenario, the militant groups incite their innocent people in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Egypt and Syria to fight with Pakistan army & western world. On the other hand, India, who is one of the biggest enemies of Pakistan, since its inception, is trying her best to destabilize our country. She has been a supportive source to incite Balouch rebellions & militant groups. She does not miss any chance to fuel the fire. Recent attack in France is a case in point that was also depicted to nexus with Pakistan by India. On account of this scenario Pakistan is passing from a very sensitive epic, due to unwanted militancy in Pakistan, many innocent people have been killed

[Avoid Repetition, use synonyms instead.]



It is the need of the hour to take considerable steps to root out terrorism from Pakistan
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  #29  
Old Sunday, November 22, 2015
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mustansar~hussain View Post
Grammatical mistakes

Pakistan has been fighting in the war on terror for the last one and a half decade. Having been a non-NATO ally she has confronted with militancy. Militant groups such as Talibans, Al-Qaida & ISIS have been enemies of our country. According to the militant groups, Pakistan is deemed pro-American and pro-enemy of Muslim-e-Ummah. As a matter of fact, the drone attacks have not only devastated terrorists, but hordes of innocent people have been killed. It has destabilized the whole South Asia and world politics.

Assessment of text:

Please do not incorporate "red colour", as per forum policy, one can not use red colour except moderators.

As a matter of fact, drone attacks have not only devastated terrorists but hordes of innocent people have been killed. It has destabilized the whole South Aisa and world politics. On account of such scenario, the militant groups incite their innocent people in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Egypt and Syria to fight with Pakistan army & western world.
[Irrelevant: Seems like topic is : Role of drone attacks. Or, role of militants.]


On account of such scenario, the militant groups incite their innocent people in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Egypt and Syria to fight with Pakistan army & western world. On the other hand, India, who is one of the biggest enemies of Pakistan, since its inception, is trying her best to destabilize our country. She has been a supportive source to incite Balouch rebellions & militant groups. She does not miss any chance to fuel the fire. Recent attack in France is a case in point that was also depicted to nexus with Pakistan by India. On account of this scenario Pakistan is passing from a very sensitive epic, due to unwanted militancy in Pakistan, many innocent people have been killed

[Avoid Repetition, use synonyms instead.]



It is the need of the hour to take considerable steps to root out terrorism from Pakistan
Thank you for your assessment, I am getting my write-up checked by another expert too, and will be going on to post my daily passages here. So please stay in touch, I appreciate your assessment. I have rectified the mistakes, please take a look at it again.

Yes, the drone attack is also a part of militancy in Pakistan.


Pakistan's front line role in war on terror & confrontation with militancy

Pakistan has been fighting in the war on terror for the last one and a half decade. Having been non-NATO ally she has confronted with militancy. Militant groups such as Talibans, Al-Qaida & ISIS have been enemies of our country. According to the militant groups, the land of pure people is deemed pro-American and pro-enemy of Muslim-e-ummah. As a matter of fact, the drone attacks not only have killed terrorists but also hoards of innocent people have been killed. It has destabilized the whole South Aisa and world politics. On account of such scenario, the militant groups incite their innocent people in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Egypt and Syria to fight with Pakistan army & western world. On the other hand, India, who is one of the biggest enemies of Pakistan, since its inception, is trying her best to destabilize our country. She has been a supportive source to incite Balouch rebellions & militant groups. She does not miss any chance to add fuel to the fire. Recent attack in France is a case in point that was also depicted to nexus with Pakistan by India. Because of prevailing circumstances, Pakistan is passing through a very sensitive episode, due to unwanted militancy in our country; many innocent people have been killed. In addition to that, terrorism has adversely affected our country greater in intensity and larger in scale. It is the need of the hour to take considerable steps to root out terrorism from Pakistan. Although it is a global problem, it can be eliminated with the improvement of socioeconomic and political stability.

Thanks in anticipation
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  #30  
Old Monday, November 23, 2015
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Grammatical mistakes
You’ve repeated same 02 mistakes again.
1) Having been non-NATO ally = Having been a non-NATO ally
2) attacks not only have killed terrorists , but also hoards of innocent



For text:

1) (Implement although & yet) Having been a non-NATO ally she has confronted with militancy.

2) [You may be right, but it seems irrelevant to the topic. Although, yet or however can work better here]
As a matter of fact, the drone attacks not only have killed terrorists , but also hoards of innocent people have been killed.
[Therefore or any other transition related to above “although, yet or however”]
It has destabilized the whole South Aisa and world politics.

3) [Don’t be specific] On account of such scenario, the militant groups incite their innocent people in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Egypt and Syria to fight with Pakistan army & western world.

On account of such scenario, the militant groups incite their (innocent is irrelevant here) people to (use adjective) promote their (use adjective) ideology.


4) [Irrelevant, No need of this sentence] On the other hand, India, who is one of the biggest enemies of Pakistan, since its inception, is trying her best to destabilize our country.

5) [Moreover,]
India has been a supportive source to incite Balouch rebellions & militant groups in Pakistan.

6) [No need of this sentence] She does not miss any chance to add fuel to the fire.


7) [No need of this sentence here, or manage it in the beginning] Because of prevailing circumstances, Pakistan is passing through a very sensitive episode, due to unwanted militancy in our country; many innocent people have been killed.

8) [Change the order of sentences]
In addition to that, terrorism has adversely affected our country greater in intensity and larger in scale. It is the need of the hour to take considerable steps to root out terrorism from Pakistan. Although it is a global problem, it can be eliminated with the improvement of socioeconomic and political stability.

In addition to that, terrorism has adversely affected our country greater in intensity and larger in scale. Although it is a global problem, it can be eliminated with the improvement of socioeconomic and political stability. It is the need of the hour to take considerable steps to root out terrorism from Pakistan.
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