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  #11  
Old Thursday, January 19, 2017
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I am always confused as to what to write in the introductory paragraph. Can you please take some time and write an introductory para of this essay topic. I do realize that the thesis statement or my stance should be given in the very intro para, but in an effort to do so, my intro becomes too lengthy; whereas, the intro i see in the academy notes are concise.
Dear I would say not to rely on academies. Essays are technical, however, not difficult. Your grammar and writing is absolutely fine, these are just technicalities that you've to learn. Academies aren't updated. CSS/PMS essays are multi disciplinary. For instance, right now you're going with an essay on Gender Studies. So, every rule, that Gender Studies has evolved for a research paper, you need to entertain.

Well, If your Intro does become long let it be. Write Intro on a rough page and edit it later, make it upto 10 sentences. Omit the passive sentences, adjectives and indirect sentences. Importantly, not include emotions in your piece.

Every excellent writing has to be emotionless.

Further, you can write an intro and then can email me, I can edit and comment
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ok but under which head ? and how would it relate to the topic ?
The heading would be as same as your headings (political,social,islamic) in which you can mention some bills/amendments (anti-honor killing bill, hindu marriage law,etc) related to women rights/empowerment in the preceding years.
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Old Thursday, January 19, 2017
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Dear I would say not to rely on academies. Essays are technical, however, not difficult. Your grammar and writing is absolutely fine, these are just technicalities that you've to learn. Academies aren't updated. CSS/PMS essays are multi disciplinary. For instance, right now you're going with an essay on Gender Studies. So, every rule, that Gender Studies has evolved for a research paper, you need to entertain.

Well, If your Intro does become long let it be. Write Intro on a rough page and edit it later, make it upto 10 sentences. Omit the passive sentences, adjectives and indirect sentences. Importantly, not include emotions in your piece.

Every excellent writing has to be emotionless.

Further, you can write an intro and then can email me, I can edit and comment
Thanks in advance for the help. Kindly share your email on your profile.
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Old Thursday, January 19, 2017
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Thanks in advance for the help. Kindly share your email on your profile.
It's in the profile. You're welcome
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Old Thursday, January 19, 2017
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The heading would be as same as your headings (political,social,islamic) in which you can mention some bills/amendments (anti-honor killing bill, hindu marriage law,etc) related to women rights/empowerment in the preceding years.
If i add the present bills and amendments done by Government under the head 'Islamic benefits' along with political, economic and social benefits' heads, the outline would lack rationality because political, economic and social benefits can empower Pakistan, but Islamic can actually

Better to make a new head at the end before conclusion.

5. Measures taken by Government

--i) Constitutional Reforms
-----a. Anti-Honor Killing Law
-----b. Women Empowerment Bill Punjab 2016

--ii) Institutional Reforms
-----a. Reservation of Seats in National Assembly
-----b. Allocation of Quota in Government Jobs
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Originally Posted by sheikh87 View Post
If i add the present bills and amendments done by Government under the head 'Islamic benefits' along with political, economic and social benefits' heads, the outline would lack rationality because political, economic and social benefits can empower Pakistan, but Islamic can actually

Better to make a new head at the end before conclusion.

5. Measures taken by Government

--i) Constitutional Reforms
-----a. Anti-Honor Killing Law
-----b. Women Empowerment Bill Punjab 2016

--ii) Institutional Reforms
-----a. Reservation of Seats in National Assembly
-----b. Allocation of Quota in Government Jobs
Constitutional Rights for Women
1. Rights of life and liberty 2. Rights to Equality (irrespective of gender, race, religion, caste, residence) 3. Rights to Freedom 4. Islamic Inheritence law. These rights are given by Islam and adopted in the Constitution, so you can add them as well .
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