Seniors, I have written the introduction of the essay. I will soon post my complete essay. I want you all to comment especially on flaws in my expression. Thankyou

Can women be equal to men in Pakistan?
Although the women participated equally and sacrificed more the men in Pakistan Movement, they have failed to get equal rights in Pakistan. It is a bitter reality that women who comprise almost half of the population are not equal to the other half; the men. The women are not provided with equal opportunities and depend upon men. In every field of life, they are to face patriarchal and conservative behaviours. This mindset has not emerged overnight, rather it is a result of norms and traditions consolidated over the course of centuries. To address this issue, the succeeding governments have taken some considerable steps but to no effect. Those efforts included enactment of laws and formulation of commissions. But these endeavours failed to address the basic causes of gender disparity across the country. Consequently, the governments failed to materialise its dreams. However, if the authorities concerned decide to evaluate and take pragmatic steps to solve the problem, it can ensure gender equality in Pakistan. Coordination, cooperation and commitment from all sections of society is a pre-requisite. Therefore, it can be said that if the causes of gender inequality are addressed, women could become equal to men in Pakistan.

Nice. I could not find any grammatical mistake.

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Thanks for your reply. Can you give me some suggestions?

I can find a lot of grammatical mistakes. Please correct me if i'm wrong.

Line 2: 'they face' instead of 'they are to face'

Line 4: 'These efforts' instead of 'Those efforts'

Line 5: 'their dreams' instead of 'its dreams'

Line 6: 'they can ensure'

Line 6: 'are prerequisites'

Thank you. Could you please guide me about improving my expression.

Your expression is fine. Also your thoughts progress in a logical order. Just make less grammatical mistakes so that there is no distraction while reading.

I improved my grammar by doing lots of reading. Any person who reads a lot(which the examiners probably do) will find the grammatical mistakes easily/naturally. And will be irritated by them.

Even though the women took part equally with the men in freedom movement and gave more scarification, they have been failed to secure their legitimate rights since the inception of Pakistan. It is a bitter reality due to patriatic and conservative mind set, the women have been oppressed in every walk of life. Whether be it her freedom to do job, will to accept matrimonial proposal or vote and to be voted, she has been been deprived of all the rights. Though the successive governments have been taking considerable steps to to address the problem, so far nothing has been achieved. It is of great significance that the prevailing government, concerned intergovernmental organizations, citizens and mass media should take their respective pivotal role to make engender and accomplish the gender equality across the country.

Keep writting practice and jot down your intros on different topics. I will get them checked and will also write down in my expressions so that you could have an idea about and we may learn from each other.