Democracy in Pakistan: Hopes and Hurdles
 

Hi All,

It is my first attempt at CSS. Today's paper was apparently easier but the easiness made it a little more confusing for me because I believe, I could have written on 3-4 of the given topics. But being not very sure about certain facts and figures and some thinking, I went for democratic one. However, seeing that how it is a gamble and we can't really say anything about passing or failing, here's a "rough" outline of my essay for review.

Pages: 3.5 for outline - Pages for Essay: 9.5 (all sides) Approx. 280+ words on each page as my writing is rather in small font. Total word count should be approx. 2500-2700.

1. Introduction
- What is democracy?
- A birdeye view of democracy and it's comparison
- Different democratic systems

2. History of Democracy in Pakistan
- Civil governments and disagreements
- Military Interventions and dismemberment of Pakistan
- Back on track since 2008 elections
- 2013 elections and emergence of third political power
- Current scenario

3. Importance of Democracy - Reasons
*Social and Political
- Gives people awareness about their rights
- Voice to weak people
- Representatives are aware of their responsibilities and duties
- Democratic values like freedom of expression, tolerance, pluralism, justice and equality prevail
- Freedom of expression leads to innovation through exchange of ideas

*Economic
- Political stability helps develop economy
- Presents better image to the world, helps in trade
- Can help to curb menaces like unemployment, poverty and illiteracy

4. Democracy in Pakistan: Hurdles
*Administrative
- Corruption and mismanagement
- Nepotism, Favoritism
- Red tapism
- Conflicts among provincial and federal governments

*Political
- Military interventions
- Political immaturity
- Self interests and conflicts
- No independent judiciary

*Social
- Masses not aware about power of their vote
- Votes are given based on ethnical or racial affiliations
- Feudals can influence the poor people for votes

*Religious
- Forgotten teachings of Islam
- Votes are given on basis of religious affiliations
- Religion is used by leaders and scholars to get votes

*Legal and Educational
- Laws are twisted by leaders for their self interests
- Leaders are not educated or trained enough
- Laymam is not educated about their rights

5. Hopes for Democracy in Pakistan: Suggestions
- Empowering Institutions
- No corruption
- Enchanced role of NAB
- No military interventions
- Educating masses about their rights and responsibilies (including politicians)
- Independent Judiciary
- Developing culture of democracy
- Political maturity
- Taking inspirations from the developed democracies of the world
- Taking inspirations from the teachings of Islam

6. Conclusion
- Pakistan is a young democracy
- It will get better with more time and trial and errors
- Need political will and everyone playing individual and collective roles to secure democratic Pakistan
- No power on earth can undo Pakistan
----

So this is it. I must have missed some points to add or may be only one or two might not be wrong here.

I was busy in outline till 10.15am, so had not enough time to write more. I believe as if I still missed something, though my introduction was more than a page bit conclusion just a half page or so. Grammatical and spelling mistakes should be not many, though my hand writing is not amazing. Also, I kept it rather simple than using fancy words.

Overall, I am not sure what will be the outcome but surely could have done better. Unfortunately, did not use quotes or figures as was running short on time, so I just covered almost all points of outline briefly - perhaps missed one or two. :l

Nevertheless, what's done is done and can't do anything about it. Allah Maalik.

Thank you for reading/reviewing and your time.

Good day!

Importance of democracy irrelevant

[QUOTE=sadam hussein abro;1058254]Importance of democracy irrelevant[/QUOTE]
Hi,

Thank you for your response. Would it cost me the whole essay paper? or do I have any chance of just barely passing it? :/

I would also like to [B]request [/B]someone who has attempted and passed the essay paper in the past to review and provide their feedback please.

Would it be at-least good enough to score passing marks?

Please advise.

Thank you and good day!

[QUOTE=Blitzkrieg;1058293]I would also like to [B]request [/B]someone who has attempted and passed the essay paper in the past to review and provide their feedback please.

Would it be at-least good enough to score passing marks?

Please advise.

Thank you and good day![/QUOTE]
It should go like this.
Hopes for better democracy:
1-Independent Judiciary. Democracy is all about rule of law and preservation and protection of basic human rights.As a robust and vibrant pillar of state,judiciary is endeavoring a lot to ensure this by punishing corrupt politicians and bureaucrats and taking suo moto notices of human rights violations.
e.g,Panamagate Verdict,conviction of Zainab's murderers etc.
2- Depoliticization of the military. Military today is far more depoliticized than it ever was.It could interfere once again during Opposition protests in 2014 but it preferred to remain neutral.ISPR and military top brass further issued statements confirming they support democracy.This is very good omen for democracy previously riddled with frequent military interventions.
To be continued........

3- A steep decline in terrorist incidents:Owing to terrorism,the masses feared participating politically. For instance,they could not campaign and preferred staying at home than going outside to vote.Futhermore,terrorism discouraged conducting activities that every individual is naturally entitled to like conducting business,going to educational institutions,and so on. However,with terrorism on decline,people will not only be mobilised politically but will easily access their basic rights.
4- Robust and free media: Helping people make informed choices by evaluating the performance of an elected government and arranging talk shows. Besides,it exposes corruption of venal bureaucrats and politicians. Likewise,after the advent of social media,public officials fear abusing power lest their action should be revealed to the public,which may discredit them.
5- Conduction of Census: Redrawing constituencies will strenghthen national integration because of an increase in the share of smaller provinces,which will stabilize democracy.
6- Electoral Reforms: Like transition to biometric verification will reduce chances of rigging.This will result in true representation,which is the essence of democracy.
To be continued.......(Hurdles)

You had to prove that there is still hope for democracy in pakistan through few paragraphs and then move on to the hurdles that lie ahead and finally you had to give remedies for the hurdles

[QUOTE=Blitzkrieg;1058293]I would also like to [B]request [/B]someone who has attempted and passed the essay paper in the past to review and provide their feedback please.

Would it be at-least good enough to score passing marks?

Please advise.

Thank you and good day![/QUOTE]
your outline is not bad....however some more point were required to be added for elaboration of the topic and the way you going to narrate the whole subject....it makes things easy and clear for the examiner .... otherwise examiner has to check your whole essay which would not be in your favour.

if you have explained all the things related to subject you will definitely get the passing marks.
in my view follwoings point are lacking in outline
-drfinition of democracy given by abraham lincoln as democract is govt of the people
-elaboration as to organs of state and working
- democratic forms of govt
- pre requisite of democracy or chracteristics instead of importance
-hurdles inluding conflict between organs, political and religious parties role etc
- hopes ... timely election, smooth transfer of power , army current stance etc
- role of media in safeguarding democracy
- constitutional measures...treason article 6 application

allah apko pass karay..!!

mentioning facts and figures are an important aspect of scoring in essay paper. Your outline is good but not too good. if you have covered all the points in your outline then you can pass, if you haven't committed grammatical mistakes.
A flawless piece will give you 40-44 marks.
Moreover, if you have included quotations and figures like Pak score on democratic index etc then they will help you in scoring above 40.

Wish you best of luck. You have done your part. Now pray for a better result (only this is going to change your fate).

Well i'm CE2017 qualifier

Thank you for your response and critique - that helped.

I did mention few facts and figures, but not as I thought I would or could, like I had several things in mind but I reckon I couldn't make a better overall use. Just one quotation only - QA's No power can undo Pakistan one. :/

I don't think so there should be some major grammatical mistakes or spelling one's for that matter, may be a handful of spellings one and 'hardly' some minor grammatical ones. Yeah, I felt like I could do better with outline, but honestly felt like I was all over the place. Since, my mind was telling me that I can do most of these topics but it was tough to settle on one.

I just hope I do pass it, that'd be enough for me tbh.

Good day to you!