|
The Threat of Global Warming and the ways to counter it - My essay in CE-2018
[B]Topic Statement[/B]: Global Warming is the greatest threat to the planet Earth due to man's activities, however it is not a lost cause unless and until desperate measures are taken to prevent it.
[B]Outline[/B]: 1. Introduction 2. Global Warming 2.1. Threats a. GHG b. Ozone layer depletion c. Acid rain, smog etc c. Snowcaps melting and floods d. Destruction of natural habitats e. Ecosystem anamolies (coral reefs) (Cant remember rest, there were 7-8 points total) 2.2. Causes a. Carbon emissions b. Pollution (wrote 3 paras on each type) c. Environmental Hazards (Completely forgot to mention deforestation) 3. Counter Measures taken by the World 3.1. Kyoto Protocol 3.2. Montreal Protocol 3.3. Paris Accord 3.4. Global Awareness Campaigns 3.5. David Attenborough famous documentaries 4. Measures Required 4.1. Action based strategies 4.2. Immediate policy implementations on Environment Protection 4.3. Participation of all stakeholders 5. Pakistan (among top 10 countries influenced by Global Warming and Climate change) 6. Conclusion [COLOR="Blue"]I also mentioned that ozone layer is repairing itself as evident through latest research, however it should not be considered a sign of victory - humanity is a long way from saving the planet earth from Global Warming. I could not remember a single quote or reference, so I wrote none. My essay was almost 2000-2100 words, I could not write more than that, as I was worried that conclusion might be left out if I prolonged the essay to increase word count. Please share your comments and pointers, I dont have any space for improvement as it was my final attempt. Nonetheless, feedback is welcomed. Also share your essay outline or general ideas. [/COLOR] |
[QUOTE=saniam;1060898][B]Topic Statement[/B]: Global Warming is the greatest threat to the planet Earth due to man's activities, however it is not a lost cause unless and until desperate measures are taken to prevent it.
[B]Outline[/B]: 1. Introduction 2. Global Warming 2.1. Threats a. GHG b. Ozone layer depletion c. Acid rain, smog etc c. Snowcaps melting and floods d. Destruction of natural habitats e. Ecosystem anamolies (coral reefs) (Cant remember rest, there were 7-8 points total) 2.2. Causes a. Carbon emissions b. Pollution (wrote 3 paras on each type) c. Environmental Hazards (Completely forgot to mention deforestation) 3. Counter Measures taken by the World 3.1. Kyoto Protocol 3.2. Montreal Protocol 3.3. Paris Accord 3.4. Global Awareness Campaigns 3.5. David Attenborough famous documentaries 4. Measures Required 4.1. Action based strategies 4.2. Immediate policy implementations on Environment Protection 4.3. Participation of all stakeholders 5. Pakistan (among top 10 countries influenced by Global Warming and Climate change) 6. Conclusion [COLOR="Blue"]I also mentioned that ozone layer is repairing itself as evident through latest research, however it should not be considered a sign of victory - humanity is a long way from saving the planet earth from Global Warming. I could not remember a single quote or reference, so I wrote none. My essay was almost 2000-2100 words, I could not write more than that, as I was worried that conclusion might be left out if I prolonged the essay to increase word count. Please share your comments and pointers, I dont have any space for improvement as it was my final attempt. Nonetheless, feedback is welcomed. Also share your essay outline or general ideas. [/COLOR][/QUOTE] I would highlight your mistakes in your essay. First of all your topic statement is vogue. As you have written, Global Warming is the greatest threat to the planet Earth due to man's activities you could have avoided using the superlative degree, greatest. Instead, you could write great threat. In addition, in your next sentence, you have written that men are responsible for that. It means men are the cause of the global warming. However, not only humans, but there are natural causes of global warming as well. Besides, you could write human beings or anything instead of men. So that was about your topic statement. Now coming to your outline. your headings are not self-explanatory. Threats that you have mentioned in subheadings are fine. In the next main heading, you have written causes. The essay does not demand to write causes, and you have overemphasized on causes. Moreover, you have written 2,3 paras on each cause.That is totally irrelevant. Even though if you wanted to write causes, you were supposed to write them before threats. As you FPSC demands that, all points should be written in an orderly fashion. First threats then causes, is not correct order. Now coming to the last part. A major part of the essay that is to write measures to counter it. The measures that you have given are inadequate, you could have added more subheadings in the recommendation part. Overall, the essay is fine.Best wishes God bless you |
Ozone depletion, acid rain,smog etc are not due to global warming.
|
[QUOTE=saniam;1060898][B]Topic Statement[/B]: Global Warming is the greatest threat to the planet Earth due to man's activities, however it is not a lost cause unless and until desperate measures are taken to prevent it.
[B]Outline[/B]: 1. Introduction 2. Global Warming 2.1. Threats a. GHG b. Ozone layer depletion c. Acid rain, smog etc c. Snowcaps melting and floods d. Destruction of natural habitats e. Ecosystem anamolies (coral reefs) (Cant remember rest, there were 7-8 points total) 2.2. Causes a. Carbon emissions b. Pollution (wrote 3 paras on each type) c. Environmental Hazards (Completely forgot to mention deforestation) 3. Counter Measures taken by the World 3.1. Kyoto Protocol 3.2. Montreal Protocol 3.3. Paris Accord 3.4. Global Awareness Campaigns 3.5. David Attenborough famous documentaries 4. Measures Required 4.1. Action based strategies 4.2. Immediate policy implementations on Environment Protection 4.3. Participation of all stakeholders 5. Pakistan (among top 10 countries influenced by Global Warming and Climate change) 6. Conclusion [COLOR="Blue"]I also mentioned that ozone layer is repairing itself as evident through latest research, however it should not be considered a sign of victory - humanity is a long way from saving the planet earth from Global Warming. I could not remember a single quote or reference, so I wrote none. My essay was almost 2000-2100 words, I could not write more than that, as I was worried that conclusion might be left out if I prolonged the essay to increase word count. Please share your comments and pointers, I dont have any space for improvement as it was my final attempt. Nonetheless, feedback is welcomed. Also share your essay outline or general ideas. [/COLOR][/QUOTE] I cannot comment on your introduction as you have only written thesis statement but as pointed by Saddam, global warming is caused by both anthropological as well as natural reasons. Other sentences in your introduction might have got it covered. About outline, your points are not self explanatory. Most of the points are valid but it is not explained that how they are related to the topic. Ozone depletion, acid rain and smog are not due to global warming. You have written threats above causes and I have done the same since main topic was about threats and ways to counter them. I have also included causes. |
I followed almost the same approach in my essay. Causes should not be part of this essay as per heading. Ozone depletion and acid rain are different things although I made a blunder by writing ozone depletion in subheadings of threats. In last, it would be better if you make two different headings for Ways to Counter, 'International Efforts' and 'National level Efforts' and then write subheadings. Anyhow it was a good effort and I hope that we both make it.
|
[QUOTE=saddam hassain;1060906]I would highlight your mistakes in your essay.
First of all your topic statement is vogue. As you have written, Global Warming is the greatest threat to the planet Earth due to man's activities you could have avoided using the superlative degree, greatest. Instead, you could write great threat. In addition, in your next sentence, you have written that men are responsible for that. It means men are the cause of the global warming. However, not only humans, but there are natural causes of global warming as well. Besides, you could write human beings or anything instead of men. So that was about your topic statement. Now coming to your outline. your headings are not self-explanatory. Threats that you have mentioned in subheadings are fine. In the next main heading, you have written causes. The essay does not demand to write causes, and you have overemphasized on causes. Moreover, you have written 2,3 paras on each cause.That is totally irrelevant. Even though if you wanted to write causes, you were supposed to write them before threats. As you FPSC demands that, all points should be written in an orderly fashion. First threats then causes, is not correct order. Now coming to the last part. A major part of the essay that is to write measures to counter it. The measures that you have given are inadequate, you could have added more subheadings in the recommendation part. Overall, the essay is fine.Best wishes God bless you[/QUOTE] Agreed with few of your points, I can see that I made a mistake of using word 'greatest'. Anyhow, moving on.. i wrote a paragraph on each pollution type i.e., air, water and land. Thanks for comments, I was skeptical of my essay already but now I can see blunders made by me. P.S: It was unnecessary to send me two emails of same response that you gave on forum. |
[QUOTE=Anum Zara;1060922]I cannot comment on your introduction as you have only written thesis statement but as pointed by Saddam, global warming is caused by both anthropological as well as natural reasons. Other sentences in your introduction might have got it covered.
About outline, your points are not self explanatory. Most of the points are valid but it is not explained that how they are related to the topic. Ozone depletion, acid rain and smog are not due to global warming. You have written threats above causes and I have done the same since main topic was about threats and ways to counter them. I have also included causes.[/QUOTE] Global warming's main trigger is pollution caused by mankind. I sticked to this point and substantiated argument that GW is also a process of Climate change. Therefore, acid rain and smog were added. On the other hand, ozone formation has also caused temperatures to rise. As 2100 words essay was written, I needed an extra material to be added yet relevant. I can see after pointed out that headings needed explanation. Hopefully, examiner can ignore my blunders. About introduction, i do not remember it at all. |
[QUOTE=aristotlekhan;1060924]I followed almost the same approach in my essay. Causes should not be part of this essay as per heading. Ozone depletion and acid rain are different things although I made a blunder by writing ozone depletion in subheadings of threats. In last, it would be better if you make two different headings for Ways to Counter, 'International Efforts' and 'National level Efforts' and then write subheadings. Anyhow it was a good effort and I hope that we both make it.[/QUOTE]
I followed essay strategy by Sir Amanullah Gondal. I gave causes to elaborate the extent of man's role in GW, as it was my TS. I am hoping it was not a colossal mistake. I do not agree with you on two headings of international and national, because of two reasons: i wrote essay on global level and secondly, frankly speaking at national level, zero effort is being made in theory and practise. Anyways, i wrote a paragraph on Pakistan and argued that efforts are being made to counter GW by civil society through awareness. However, if you have started essay on both national and international level of GW's threat, then definitely likewise counter-measures point was a good strategy. I am hoping yours was a better attempt and best of luck to you. |
[QUOTE=saniam;1060898][B]Topic Statement[/B]: Global Warming is the greatest threat to the planet Earth due to man's activities, however it is not a lost cause unless and until desperate measures are taken to prevent it.
[B]Outline[/B]: 1. Introduction 2. Global Warming 2.1. Threats a. GHG b. Ozone layer depletion c. Acid rain, smog etc c. Snowcaps melting and floods d. Destruction of natural habitats e. Ecosystem anamolies (coral reefs) (Cant remember rest, there were 7-8 points total) 2.2. Causes a. Carbon emissions b. Pollution (wrote 3 paras on each type) c. Environmental Hazards (Completely forgot to mention deforestation) 3. Counter Measures taken by the World 3.1. Kyoto Protocol 3.2. Montreal Protocol 3.3. Paris Accord 3.4. Global Awareness Campaigns 3.5. David Attenborough famous documentaries 4. Measures Required 4.1. Action based strategies 4.2. Immediate policy implementations on Environment Protection 4.3. Participation of all stakeholders 5. Pakistan (among top 10 countries influenced by Global Warming and Climate change) 6. Conclusion [COLOR="Blue"]I also mentioned that ozone layer is repairing itself as evident through latest research, however it should not be considered a sign of victory - humanity is a long way from saving the planet earth from Global Warming. I could not remember a single quote or reference, so I wrote none. My essay was almost 2000-2100 words, I could not write more than that, as I was worried that conclusion might be left out if I prolonged the essay to increase word count. Please share your comments and pointers, I dont have any space for improvement as it was my final attempt. Nonetheless, feedback is welcomed. Also share your essay outline or general ideas. [/COLOR][/QUOTE] This was an expository topic in which there is not much to deduct when the facts are stated the way they are. Although I am not an expert but in my opinion you have produced a comprehensive and relevant outline. About causes and stuff, it all depends how you related them (which is an art). All the best! Additional note: I think “greatest” carries the correct connotation for this topic and yes its humans who quadrupled the GW after industrialization. Natural weather has had minimal effect in comparison. |
[QUOTE=saniam;1060898][B]Topic Statement[/B]: Global Warming is the greatest threat to the planet Earth due to man's activities, however it is not a lost cause unless and until desperate measures are taken to prevent it.
[B]Outline[/B]: 1. Introduction 2. Global Warming 2.1. Threats a. GHG b. Ozone layer depletion c. Acid rain, smog etc c. Snowcaps melting and floods d. Destruction of natural habitats e. Ecosystem anamolies (coral reefs) (Cant remember rest, there were 7-8 points total) 2.2. Causes a. Carbon emissions b. Pollution (wrote 3 paras on each type) c. Environmental Hazards (Completely forgot to mention deforestation) 3. Counter Measures taken by the World 3.1. Kyoto Protocol 3.2. Montreal Protocol 3.3. Paris Accord 3.4. Global Awareness Campaigns 3.5. David Attenborough famous documentaries 4. Measures Required 4.1. Action based strategies 4.2. Immediate policy implementations on Environment Protection 4.3. Participation of all stakeholders 5. Pakistan (among top 10 countries influenced by Global Warming and Climate change) 6. Conclusion [COLOR="Blue"]I also mentioned that ozone layer is repairing itself as evident through latest research, however it should not be considered a sign of victory - humanity is a long way from saving the planet earth from Global Warming. I could not remember a single quote or reference, so I wrote none. My essay was almost 2000-2100 words, I could not write more than that, as I was worried that conclusion might be left out if I prolonged the essay to increase word count. Please share your comments and pointers, I dont have any space for improvement as it was my final attempt. Nonetheless, feedback is welcomed. Also share your essay outline or general ideas. [/COLOR][/QUOTE] What about your essay marks?Are you pass? |
| 11:55 AM (GMT +5) |
vBulletin, Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.