CSS Forums - Let there be more light at the corridors of worship places

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Let there be more light at the corridors of worship places

Let there be more light at the corridors of worship places
1.Introduction

2.Major religions of the world

3.Role of worship places and religion
3.1 to promote peace
3.2 social harmony and solidarity
3.3 merges differences
3.4 promotes social values

4.what actually worship places are doing?
4.1 promoting ethnocentrism
4.2 Sectarianism and extremism
4.3 Terrorism

5.Examples of religious persecutions
5.1 Myanmar Case
5.2 Palestine Issue
5.3 Yemen crisis

6.Let there be more light at the corridors of worship places through
6.1 By promoting pluralism
6.2 Love of humanity
6.3 Following true aspects of religions
6.4 Conflict resolution through mediation
6.5 Culture of love and peace
6.6 Respecting opinions of others
6.7 Preventing violence

7.Conclusion

i have no hope of clearing CSS-2019 essay. Almost, all my papers went exceptionally well except International relations. IA, i will clear all subjects but i am totally uncertain about my essay paper. nonetheless, i shared the outline. it is exactly the same outline which i produced in the exam hall. grammatical mistakes are minimum with two or more spelling mistakes. total pages written: 14.5
total number of words= 29 lines*14.5pages*6 words (avg)
=2523 words (expected)

InshaAllah you will succeed!

That is a good attempt though you have missed some areas but still it is worthwhile.

[QUOTE=askedon;1089624]That is a good attempt though you have missed some areas but still it is worthwhile.[/QUOTE]

Could you please point out what you think is lacking? I've written on this as well and would like to get your opinions. Thankyou

Seniors and juniors please [U]brutally[/U] assess! - Let be more light...

[B]Intro[/B]
The corridors of worship places today will be traversed by those who will usher the nation into the corridors of power tomorrow. Worship is a sanctimonious deed; worship places, even more so. Large segments of our lower and middle class society have, ever since the 70s, come under the shadow and pale of a distorted ideology. This was originally devised to counter what was deemed at the time a threat to the existence of the entire country. However; today this mindset has become ingrained and etched into our thinking. This, to the extent that our responses have become inebriated in that most of us have no qualms over lynching a man upon mere heresay.
[B]Outline[/B]
[U]Prevailing situation [/U]
1. Loudspeaker hate culture
2. Rigid mind-set under the garb of being staunch
3. Above point eventually turns into intolerance towards others
[U]Implications[/U]
4. On the brink of abandoning religion like Europe did with Christianity when Church couldn’t reconcile science with religion
5. Lack of compassion
6. Rise in crime
7. Deprived from the rewards and dividends of practicing true religion
8. Breakdown of society in a nation bound and united solely by religion
[U]Factors[/U]
9. Binary conception of heaven and hell
10. Poverty leads to asymmetric perception
11. Prevailing elitist ostentation dikhawa culture antagonizes lower-class
12. Lack of actual manifestation of religion in society leads to dearth of actual role models (hence groping in the dark for a leader figure to follow)
13. Some elements posing as highly religious ¬¬—confounding those who follow them
14. Segregation of religion from visual arts leading to inability to grasp abstract concept

[U]Conclusion[/U]
The prevailing attitude towards and by worship places holds tremendous potential to enlighten the masses and shine the light on the way paved for their progress. Every member in society must pause and reflect on their current bearings in wading the waters of religion. Man has a tendency to subvert to his will any and everything to satisfy his never ending animalistic desires. It is the suppression and positive channeling of these instinctive impulses that informs our very humanity as being worthy of superseding the angels in magnanimity and loftiness.

[QUOTE=Acidius;1092855][B]Intro[/B]
The corridors of worship places today will be traversed by those who will usher the nation into the corridors of power tomorrow. Worship is a sanctimonious deed; worship places, even more so. Large segments of our lower and middle class society have, ever since the 70s, come under the shadow and pale of a distorted ideology. This was originally devised to counter what was deemed at the time a threat to the existence of the entire country. However; today this mindset has become ingrained and etched into our thinking. This, to the extent that our responses have become inebriated in that most of us have no qualms over lynching a man upon mere heresay.
[B]Outline[/B]
[U]Prevailing situation [/U]
1. Loudspeaker hate culture
2. Rigid mind-set under the garb of being staunch
3. Above point eventually turns into intolerance towards others
[U]Implications[/U]
4. On the brink of abandoning religion like Europe did with Christianity when Church couldn’t reconcile science with religion
5. Lack of compassion
6. Rise in crime
7. Deprived from the rewards and dividends of practicing true religion
8. Breakdown of society in a nation bound and united solely by religion
[U]Factors[/U]
9. Binary conception of heaven and hell
10. Poverty leads to asymmetric perception
11. Prevailing elitist ostentation dikhawa culture antagonizes lower-class
12. Lack of actual manifestation of religion in society leads to dearth of actual role models (hence groping in the dark for a leader figure to follow)
13. Some elements posing as highly religious ¬¬—confounding those who follow them
14. Segregation of religion from visual arts leading to inability to grasp abstract concept

[U]Conclusion[/U]
The prevailing attitude towards and by worship places holds tremendous potential to enlighten the masses and shine the light on the way paved for their progress. Every member in society must pause and reflect on their current bearings in wading the waters of religion. Man has a tendency to subvert to his will any and everything to satisfy his never ending animalistic desires. It is the suppression and positive channeling of these instinctive impulses that informs our very humanity as being worthy of superseding the angels in magnanimity and loftiness.[/QUOTE]

Brother, im an aspirant like you, not a pro. so here's my view:
First, your expression is really amazing. Loved it.
Second, avoid using "pronouns" in the introduction.
Third, your Introduction seems to be unclear. I cant comprehend what stance u have raised? (kindly clear that).
Fourth, outline even does not hit "Let there be more lights in the places of worship." What's your take about the topic should be clear. Think more!
Thanks, hope that u take it in positive direction.

Thankyou very much for the critical feedback
the intro does appear hazy, agreed.
It appears I'm weak in comprehending the topic and expanding thereon. Will have to look up some 'ways of brainstorming' lectures.
Do suggest any tips if you have em ready at hand!
Thanks again

Sent from my XT1058 using Tapatalk

[QUOTE=Acidius;1092899]Thankyou very much for the critical feedback
the intro does appear hazy, agreed.
It appears I'm weak in comprehending the topic and expanding thereon. Will have to look up some 'ways of brainstorming' lectures.
Do suggest any tips if you have em ready at hand!
Thanks again

Sent from my XT1058 using Tapatalk[/QUOTE]

Brother, this doesn't mean your "weak." Just practice and read first about topic. you will the hit the target.
first, read about topic. And ponder over "why, how, what" about the topic.
Plus, next time post your essay-related in this thread:
[url]http://www.cssforum.com.pk/css-compulsory-subjects/essay/essays/123970-lets-prepare-essays.html[/url]
So, other members could shed light too.
Thanks,

I'm an engineering student and want to improve my writing expression including vocab and sentence structure for my essay. Kindly help me out.
Whenever I try to write on any topic and I'm like blank. How can I improve myself.
Any tips and tricks are appreciated.
Thank you!

Sent from my Redmi Note 4 using Tapatalk

Let there be more light in the corridors of worship places...

Let there be more light in the corridors of worship places...it's my very first post at the CSS forum...plz fellows!give my essay some time and rigorsly evaluate my essay as it was my last attempt.rest of my papers went very well.i fear only this paper...i wasted first 45 minutes in making rough outline and the next 45 minutes in writing neat outline.gave only 1.5 hrs to main essay (poor time-management)... didn't even hv the time to re-read it...there might be over all 10-15 grammar, punctuation and spelling mistakes in my essay.sentences were neither very short nor long with few heavy words like malicious,malignant,malevolent and racketeering etc.essay also contained idioms like prey on and bear the brunt of etc...I write in bold and big font but in lingual flow... handwriting is not beautiful...
I attempted this topic with 3.5 pages outline and 6.5 pages essay(too brief) with approximately 1500 words(including those of outline)...
My outline was very long and i couldnt mention all points in the main essay like Yemen war and the need of LEDs in worship places etc...but anyhow... that's how went my main essay.
I...started intro with 3 Quranic verses(eng translation only) which elaborated the meaning of 'Light' in the given essay...no other quotes by famous persons,not even an Hadith.
II...intro was only of 1.5 pages in which I elaborated the meanings of light in form of love,mercy,kindness and guidance etc and then named few pioneers of the world religions and how they used these worship places as their HQs to disseminate this light of love and mercy and at last, ended the intro at the positive note that these places still have the potential to guide the world...
III...Then I went into the past(2 pages) in which I told how these sacred places went into the hands of corrupt people from the sage people with the passage of time and how they altered the sacred documents(another verse quoted here) and how common men felt abhorrence from the name of religion after the consistent looting of Catholics and monarchy in Europe and how Protestants emerged as a result.
IV...Then I came into present and future(2.5 pages) and told how passion rides the reason in such places.discussed the poor economic conditions of imams and pundits and their narrow interpretations of religious texts and how this affects the thoughts of their followers and how as a result,they fall prey to the sectarian and extremist elements...i also mentioned the gender bias practiced at these places and emphasized the need for women participation...at the state level,I blamed selfish politicians for not giving full attention to these places bcz of their other materialistic interests.i also blamed NGOs for not highlighting the issues of worship places at different forums...I suggested that govt should recruit the modern and young scholars who might be well versed in both worldly and religious education.they shd be well paid for their job...i also emphasized coordination btwn CII and Jamia Al Azhar etc regarding the guardianship of these places...also mentioned the Feb,19 visit of Pope Francis to Arab States as good omen,Imran Khan's efforts of mainstreaming seminaries,Suppression of Burmese Buddhists and Tariq Ramzan's sexual scandle at Oxford...also mentioned raping popes of the West and said that Europe,now was bearing the brunt of separating religion from politics in the treaty of West phalia back in 1648...at the end,I also mentioned the bleak future of our coming generations if proper attention is not given to these places...
V..Gave the heading for conclusion (is it a blunder)...my conclusion was only suggestive as I didn't have time to sum everything up again.it consisted of only one long sentence(equal to a para) which asked for the security institute's involvement,more community participation in in these places' affairs,sincere political leadership and inter-faith dialogues...Shujaat Ali...Frank and honest views plz on the chances of getting passed or failed... waiting...