Evaluation of Outline
 

Assalaum o Alaikum! Seniors kindly give a feedback on this outline. Topic is "Crisis of health governance in Pakistan".


Outline
A)Introduction
Thesis Statement:
Although there had been many developments carried out by various governments/decision makers to achieve national health objectives in Pakistan, however, the state of governance in the health sector of Pakistan is still in crisis and needs uplifting.

B) What is Health governance?
i) Definition and basic elements of health governance
ii) Role of governance in the health sector
iii) Health governance and the changing dynamics
C) Health governance in Pakistan
i) Historical perspective
ii) Evolving structure of health governance and the present scenario
iii) The pre-devolution and post-devolution scenario
D) How the crisis emerged in Pakistan?
i) Weak health governance and monitoring system
ii) Political interference led to the death of meritocracy in health governance
iii) Lack of human and material resources
iv) Population explosion led to a double BOD(Burden of disease)
E) Impact of health governance crisis
i) Low rates of health indicators in the country
ii) Inability to sustain the influx of patients during pandemics
iii) Inefficient healthcare delivery system
F) How can the crisis be controlled?
i) Health financing to improve management system
ii) Increasing the infrastructure available for healthcare
ii) Improving the efficiency of monitoring and control system
iii) Improving health services delivery system
iv) Introducing health information systems
v) HR reforms to strengthen health institutions
vi) Cross sectoral action for advancing health
G) Conclusion

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[QUOTE=Silvia Rose;1110531]Assalaum o Alaikum! Seniors kindly give a feedback on this outline. Topic is "Crisis of health governance in Pakistan".


Outline
A)Introduction
Thesis Statement:
Although there had been many developments carried out by various governments/decision makers to achieve national health objectives in Pakistan, however, the state of governance in the health sector of Pakistan is still in crisis and needs uplifting.

B) What is Health governance?
i) Definition and basic elements of health governance
ii) Role of governance in the health sector
iii) Health governance and the changing dynamics
C) Health governance in Pakistan
i) Historical perspective
ii) Evolving structure of health governance and the present scenario
iii) The pre-devolution and post-devolution scenario
D) How the crisis emerged in Pakistan?
i) Weak health governance and monitoring system
ii) Political interference led to the death of meritocracy in health governance
iii) Lack of human and material resources
iv) Population explosion led to a double BOD(Burden of disease)
E) Impact of health governance crisis
i) Low rates of health indicators in the country
ii) Inability to sustain the influx of patients during pandemics
iii) Inefficient healthcare delivery system
F) How can the crisis be controlled?
i) Health financing to improve management system
ii) Increasing the infrastructure available for healthcare
ii) Improving the efficiency of monitoring and control system
iii) Improving health services delivery system
iv) Introducing health information systems
v) HR reforms to strengthen health institutions
vi) Cross sectoral action for advancing health
G) Conclusion

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First, coming to your thesis statement, since you have mentioned, [B]"many developments carried out by various governments/decision makers"[/B] you should give preview of those developments in your outline, i.e., past-policies/initiatives. I am sure you have included such developments in your arguments but they are not obvious in outline. It must be vivid.

Second,
[B]"B) What is Health governance?
i) Definition and basic elements of health governance
ii) Role of governance in the health sector
iii) Health governance and the changing dynamics"[/B] just a simple paragraph will suffice definition. Going in such explanations make essay less interesting, since checker already know what is a definition of the topic. Besides, [B]B-iii[/B] seems not to be its sub-heading. It feels more like a separate heading, so you can either make it separate heading or find it a right placement.

Third,
[B]"C) Health governance in Pakistan
i) Historical perspective
ii) Evolving structure of health governance and the present scenario
iii) The pre-devolution and post-devolution scenario"[/B] sub-headings [B]i[/B] and[B]ii[/B] are fine but [B]iii[/B] has semblance with above two. You can cut it out/rephrase. I suggest brief historical overview will suffice rather than detail.

[B]Most importantly[/B], after this heading you must not go to, [B]"D) How the crisis emerged in Pakistan?"(causes)[/B], instead as mentioned in your thesis statement,[B]"...however, the state of governance in the health sector of Pakistan is still in crisis and needs uplifting."[/B] You must emphasize to prove how still it is in crisis, i.e., give arguments. That is a core of your essay. Because you have driven assessor (in the thesis statement) to look for arguments that health governance is in crisis. Include those (core) arguments in you outline than expanding definitions or history.

Fourth, certain sub-headings in [B]"D"[/B] causes are ambiguous need to be rephrased to be more clear, for instance, "Weak health governance and monitoring system."

Fifth, add more arguments to the impacts. Essay must be balanced throughout.

Hope it helps!

Thank you for your kind insight. I will try to improve these things in my future outlines. Meanwhile, can you please evaluate this outline as well? I know it is alot to ask from you but I hope that you are kind enough to have a look at it.

Outline
A) Introduction
Thesis Statement:
Although there are many factors upon which the future of a nation is dependent, however, classrooms play an indispensable role in deciding the future of a nation
B) What are the factors that influence the future of a nation?
i) Economic development and economic growth
ii) Smart use of natural resources
iii) The nature of Institutions within the country
iv) The factor of culture-
v) Geographical location and history
vi) The factor of ideology
C) How classrooms decide the future of a nation?
i) Development of social skills
ii) Classrooms impart critical thinking
iii) Classrooms develop a moral and civic sense
iv) Classrooms help in curbing extremism
v) Enhancement of self-esteem and self-confidence
vi) National values are taught to promote patriotism
vii) A healthy learning environment for students
D) How classrooms can be made to function properly
i) A dynamic educational policy
ii) Well trained teachers and professionals
iii) Increased budget share for education
iv) A comprehensive and up-to-date curriculum
E) Conclusion

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The topic is, "Classrooms decide the future of a nation."

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[QUOTE=Silvia Rose;1110544]Thank you for your kind insight. I will try to improve these things in my future outlines. Meanwhile, can you please evaluate this outline as well? I know it is alot to ask from you but I hope that you are kind enough to have a look at it.

Outline
A) Introduction
Thesis Statement:
Although there are many factors upon which the future of a nation is dependent, however, classrooms play an indispensable role in deciding the future of a nation
B) What are the factors that influence the future of a nation?
i) Economic development and economic growth
ii) Smart use of natural resources
iii) The nature of Institutions within the country
iv) The factor of culture-
v) Geographical location and history
vi) The factor of ideology
C) How classrooms decide the future of a nation?
i) Development of social skills
ii) Classrooms impart critical thinking
iii) Classrooms develop a moral and civic sense
iv) Classrooms help in curbing extremism
v) Enhancement of self-esteem and self-confidence
vi) National values are taught to promote patriotism
vii) A healthy learning environment for students
D) How classrooms can be made to function properly
i) A dynamic educational policy
ii) Well trained teachers and professionals
iii) Increased budget share for education
iv) A comprehensive and up-to-date curriculum
E) Conclusion

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[B]"B) What are the factors that influence the future of a nation?"[/B] This part should be made concise, for it breaks the logical flow. Just a few paragraphs under one heading would suffice. Since, your core argument is to talk about how classrooms decide the future of a nation, Therefore, you should stick to it. And, also this (B) should not precede [B]"how classrooms decide...."[/B] part, because again it is not the primary argument. (I know you will argue that you have construct outline in line with the thesis statement.)

Secondly, before going to [B]"C) How classrooms decide the future of a nation?"[/B] you should [B]construe what do you mean by classrooms.[/B] It must be clear to a reader that on what grounds you are going to approach the topic. That will narrow down your topic and add sense to your arguments.

Certain headings can be rephrased, i.e., [B]"Development of social skills"[/B] (socialization),[B]"Enhancement of self-esteem and self-confidence"[/B] (Enhance self-confidence)...

[B]"ii) Classrooms impart critical thinking
iii) Classrooms develop a moral and civic sense
iv) Classrooms help in curbing extremism"[/B] (you have already mentioned Classrooms in your main heading so avoid repetition in sub-headings. It effects expression).

P.S. for next essay (outlines) reviews/practice use this following thread i have made for all. It will be convenient and accessible to all of us:

[url]http://www.cssforum.com.pk/css-compulsory-subjects/essay/127113-essay-practice-ce-21-a.html#post1110558[/url]

Thank you so much!

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