#21
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Coming to introduction, I have written one on this essay but I don't know the things that must be included in the introduction. Should the introduction cover all the things mentioned in the outline? (And if so, Wouldn't it make the introduction more lengthy?) I have written this introduction but it is a more general one that doesn't cover the content of my outline. Hope it isn't as irrelevant as I think My Introduction Rupert Murdoch once said,"The world is changing very fast. Big will not beat small anymore. It will be the fast beating the slow."This dictum has been validated by the contemporary developments occuring throughout the world. Only those who are quick to adapt to these changing developments are progressing. One such development is embracing digitalization which has completely changed the future of the world. Unfortunately, Pakistan is amongst the countries that lags in this department. According to Digital Evolution Index(DEI), Pakistan was ranked 56th out of the 60 countries in 2017. This is quite alarming considering future socioeconomic indicators especially education and economic development are closely related to it. Among the various factors that attribute to socioeconomic development, digitilization can play a substantial role in the socioeconomic development of Pakistan. Sent from my SM-G610F using Tapatalk |
#22
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Topic: Future of Pakistan lies in education of its masses
1- Introduction 2- How future of Pakistan lies in education of its masses? 2.1- World has moved to "Knowledge based economy", so has the survival of Pakistani economy. 2.2- Skill education can alleviate poverty of masses in Pakistan. 2.3- Only an enlightened citizenry can reap true fruits of democracy. 2.4- Uniform education can create an atmosphere of integration and harmony. 2.5- Education can ensure women empowerment and their due role in national life of Pakistan. 2.6- Education is a powerful weapon against extremism and militancy. 2.7- Only education can impart a nation with a sense of civic responsibilities. 3- Why the current standing of education in Pakistan does not forecast a bright future? 3.1- Pakistan spends lowest percentage of its GDP in South Asia. 3.2- Parallel education systems result in further widening of divergences in society. 3.3- Social constraints keep women away from education. 3.4- The system is based on rote-learning and transition of informations. 4- How can the rotten education system be fixed? 4.1- Government must give education its due budgetary allocation. 4.2- A uniform education system must be introduced throughout the country. 4.3- Special legislations and incentives can relieve the educational plight of women. 4.4- Emphasis should be on research-based education keeping local problems in focus. 5- Conclusion Education has been the most effective tool for human development since time immemorial. It is education what makes a useful member of his society or a barbaric savage who threatens the societal peace. The glory of great past civilzation is, by and large, credited to education. In the contemporary world too, countries flourish by the education of their people. Pakistan is certainly not an exception. The socio-economic and political future of Pakistan lies in skill,enlightening and transformative education of its masses. However, the currently rotten education system does not forecast any prospects of a bright future and it requires radical changes at policy and implementation levels.There is no denying that only education can shift foundations of Pakistani economy to knowledge and alleviate poverty. Furthermore, true democracy, gender equality and national integration can only be ensured through education.Nevertheless, the present education system of Pakistan does not present any hopes of such a future. This system is faced with grave problems of rote-learning and lack of funds on behalf of government. Moreover, Parallel education systems and social constraints on women education further aggravate the sufferings. Arguably, these problems are not unresolvable and Pakistan can, too, rise to the world stage like Japan and South Korea. For this to occur, both state and society must adopt a firm determination towards this cause. Sent from my vivo 1814 using Tapatalk |
#23
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Your suggestions are good. I wanted to write e-finance, but wrote in full form. Regarding cultural constraints: I use them as impediments, because with the advent of digital system, cultural traditions will surely come under threat (modernism vs. traditionalism). This gap will have to be fixed with in order to make digitalization successful. And, thanks for pointing out some visible mistakes in intro. Waiting for some other suggestions. Thanks. |
#24
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You have not mentioned democracy even for a single time in your outline. What i think you have touched only political polarization, but overlooked democracy. And, i think issues and challenges should remain same. Your issues part is good, but in challenges you have put solutions to the challenges. It should have been a separate heading to overcome political polarization. plus: i personally believe we have to make balance between political polarization and democracy and how the polarized condition of the former poses challenges to the latter. This is what i believe, others are requested to comment on this. |
#25
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I agree with @thedreamofrain's comments on the outline but I would like to add a few points which you will find below. I hope they are helpful!
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#26
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Ma'am Aishalm please also consider mine.
Sent from my vivo 1814 using Tapatalk |
#27
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First, besides, in addition , are conjunctions and i used them to ensure smooth flow of sentences. So these three sentences should be reworded a little to ensure better flow. Kindly, rewrite these sentences for me as you say in my introduction just as a sample. I will be thankful. Second, i did not get about essay' hook'. Please, post your favorite hook as you have said to show how to write it. Third, If you have set out to answer a question, it should be answered outright in the conclusion. If you have used a metaphor in the hook, it should make a reappearance by the end. Sister, i am not getting about this sentence regarding conclusion as well. Can you post a sample introduction to this topic by showing essay hook as well as conclusion? Or, you can edit my Intro as per you suggestions. It would make things clearer. Thanks again. |
#28
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Your outline and intro are really good. But, i think before point 2 you should define education first and some more points can be added here. Also in intro: However, the currently rotten education system does not forecast any prospects of a bright future and it requires radical changes at policy and implementation levels.There is no denying that only education can shift foundations of Pakistani economy to knowledge and alleviate poverty. Furthermore, true democracy, gender equality and national integration can only be ensured through education This part of your intro is in disorder. Bring however sentence at the place of nevertheless to highlight prevailing problems. Rest is fine, others will comment further. |
#29
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Reworded suggestion: If adopted effectively, digitalization will ensure quick delivery of services, make citizens fully informed by advancing communication tools as well as help check malpractices. It will also maximize job opportunities and will strengthen the country’s security and education systems. In addition to the previously listed prospects, digitilization also has vast potential to boost and foster the country's trade via new and improved production techniques which, in turn, will uplift the falling exports of the nation. However, despite such benefits, the current position of digitalization in Pakistan paints a dismal picture. (As you can see very slight changes here and there. What I meant by advising against using so many of these conjunctions togetger is simple; these words are meant to link one sentence with the other before it so when reading the sentences together your subconsciously try to keep the first one vaguely at the back of your mind so that you can see how the sentence you are currently reading is related to the last one. Having so many back to back means with sentences that are relatively long means that there is an information overload and you just give up trying to make connections. You will notice I've added "...to the previously listed prospects..." after "in addition" to remind the reader what points we are talking about and how this sentence adds to it all as well. I've also used "digitalization" again in the third sentence again as a soft reminder of what we are talking about. Using "it" again and again gets a tad repetitive so change it up a bit. Use the name again or some adjective phrase like "this marvelous modern technological process" or something simpler to add variety. I hope this point makes a little more sense now. I'll try to get to the rest soon too. |
#30
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@IkhAfridi I'll try to get to it soon but on first glance it's a pretty strong outline! |
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