Originally Posted by ThaHawk

I have never written a proper essay before this is my first attempt instead of outlines etc i just wrote it like this i dont know why is outline imp plz check the following essay on subject "why has democracy failed in pakistan" and honestly tell me if u have to give marks out of 20 for this essay, how much will u give? and how much % of this essay is in accordance with the standard of essay required for css exam? plz be honest, dont say things so ill feel good criticise as much as u can so i can learn from it plzzzzz thanks

Introduction

Democracy simply means Rule by the People. Democracy in context of a country means where the practice of selecting candidates by the process of casting votes is common where the candidates are selected to run the government and its affairs such as defense, internal affairs, external affairs etc. A Country which practice democracy consists of a parliament where the selected candidates selected by voting can discuss country matters and take decisions for the well being of the people and the country
(irrelavant intro= erase it)

Why Has Democracy Failed In Pakistan ?

Pakistan first came into being on 14th of August 1947 and ever since Pakistan has faced several dictatorships derailing the democracy every now and then. Pakistan's first government was lead by the then Governor Journal Muhammad Ali Jinnah and the prime minister Liaqat ali khan however soon the country faced its first dictatorship in 1956.
(The above lines are the actual intro of the topic)

Main argument is missing whether u supoorting the examiners view or not. Though u are supporting here but u should express the back up points in a few lines before justifying ur argument. okzzzz
Democracy has constantly failed in Pakistan because the elected candidates constantly failed to fulfill their promises which they made while asking for votes. Instead of solving problems of those who voted for them they indulged in corruption and other evil practices and soon gained reputation as brushed politicians. The main reason why people never raised there voice against democracy being derailed was because the politicians were corrupt and were not solving the problems which they were elected for and people cared less about them because they felt cheated. Some of the other reasons also exist such as the respect for army is very high and they are considered the only guardians of the nation and are widely respected by the people of Pakistan. In good or bad times the people of pakistan have always backed their armed forces and have always shown trust in them. Whenever chance was given to the politicians, they looted the country by engaging in massive corruption and they got bolder and bolder with time in the art and practice of corruption. This corruption would not have been possible without the support of the bureaucracy which too is responsible for the failure of democracy. Another reason for democracy being failed in pakistan is low literacy rate, the people are unaware of the benefits of a democracy and the majority of people are not even familiar with their own basic rights and responsibilities. Less educated people tend to fall for propaganda more quickly as compared to educated people and this fact is widely exploited not only by our politicians but also by the dictators who derail democracy. Talking of dictators, one cannot ignore the role of america. America too is responsible for democracy being failing in our country as it supports dictatorships because it's much easier for them to negotiate with a single person and get their objectives accomplished rather than engaging in negotiation with a parliament which consists of candidates speaking on behalf of the country and have difference of opinion. At Last, the opposition political parties often play an important role in derailing of democracy as they declare full support for dictatorships when their rival party is eliminated from the government by the army

Notes:
1. There is no paragraphing in the above stated reasons. Define each reason in a separate para. Write more reasons and define in detail with examples and some facts and figures.
Suggestions

For democracy to prevail in our country the politicians must fulfill their promises which they make while they ask for votes,(no comma here)the country must not rely on foreign aid, literacy rate should be increased and should have the highest budget even more budget than the defense because what a common man needs is education for a better life style and not tanks or weapons as wars in the current age with everyone having nuclear weapons is unlikely. Merit shall be respected and competent people should come through proper channel

they ask for votes,(no comma here)
Punctuation errors in the above para.
write more suggestions and define each suggestion in a para.
Conclusion

The evident role of the army, Lower Literacy rate, corrupt politicians, Interest of opposition parties and Interest of Great powers in the region are all the basic factors of democracy being failed in our country.